


Before you know it

by I_Guess_I_Write



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: A character does die, Angst, Confessions, F/M, First Time Sex, Fluff, Masterbation, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Self Loathing, Sex Dreams, Sex Nightmares, Slow realization, Vaginal Fingering, bad choices, but doesn't stay dead for long, metions of past child abuse, some cannon level violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2020-10-14 11:17:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 78,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20599880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Guess_I_Write/pseuds/I_Guess_I_Write
Summary: Caleb is unbalanced and self loathing. Jester's dream stirs realization.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I get bored at work and write smut.
> 
> This one happens to have angst and some plot... 2 POV's
> 
> This is no longer super up to date. I actually tried to edit it but I am sure I missed things. 
> 
> ‾\\_(ツ)_/‾
> 
> Enjoy. 
> 
> Also, I hate making titles.

It’s so quiet. The silence is almost deafening. It wiggles its way into Caleb’s subconscious and starts to pound. It pounds and it echos down corridors in Caleb’s mind he would rather not traverse. Those are better left alone, to history, even with their missing pieces and holes in the timeline.

Bum-Bump… traitor… Bum-bump… murderer… bum-bump…His eyes start to unfocus, and the pounding gets louder. He puts his pen down to rub them. 

Caleb hates downtime. He hates the silence that comes with it, the restlessness that he feels in his bones. He’s always looking forward to rest when they are on the road, but once he actually has it, he hates it. It reminds him of all those idle years, all that wasted potential. He shakes his head, ‘that is territory better left alone Widogast’ he chastises himself while trying to distract himself by looking around his surroundings. His library. A smile tries to make its way onto his face. 

He loves his growing library. It’s not very big, or extensive, but it is his. Well, his and his companions. Two whole rooms in this place are his. They allowed him to claim two whole rooms. The space is almost as much as his childhood home. The smile drops off of his face. He doesn’t deserve it. None of it, not the space, not the friends, not their trust, none of it, but he is too selfish as a person to give them up. Possessiveness rises in him at the shear thought. He doesn’t know what he wouldn’t do to keep it, but knows they would be better off without him. He is danger. 

Caleb feels his pulse in his neck, in his temples. It is far too quiet. He gets to his feet, abandoning his half finished work and starts towards the door. As an afterthought, he grabs a random book from the shelf as he exits. 

He starts to wander the house, looking for some reprieve from the silence. Caduceus is probably on the roof tending to the garden. Yasha is probably there too. He recognizes her need to cultivate something, instead of destroying something. He wishes he were a braver man and could follow her example. Fjord has been off lately, he is probably hauled up in his room letting his facade down. Nott left a little while ago, he remembers her poking her head in to see if he needed anything. Her and Yeza needed to pick a few things up for a new project. She was very excited. He didn’t want to intrude on their time together. Nott deserves to have her husband back, deserves to have her family back. He didn’t want to taint that even when it makes him itchy. That leaves Beau and Jester. He heads towards the training room. He would find too much comfort in Jester… Beau though, Beau is just right. She wouldn’t comment on his sudden appearance, or that he sought out someone else to spend quiet time with. 

Caleb opens the training room door and finds Beau in her normal routine. Well, it’s normal now, she works her nerves out of herself with it. Push ups, Chin ups, stretches, anything to push her body so her mind doesn’t have to worry. She looks up when he enters. He awkwardly waves, she nods, and that is it. He smiles a tiny smile, yes, Beau was the correct choice. His mind starts to calm, her rhythmic punches, the sounds of her footfalls, the familiarity of it, his mind grows quieter in her noise. He finds a nice place out of the way to settle and start his book. 

He is halfway through the novel when he hears the door open. Beau stops her routine. He stops reading and listens. He knows who is at the door, he doesn’t even have to look. He knows those foot falls, and if he didn’t he would know by the change if Beaus face. Whenever someone looks at Jester, that persons face automatically softens. No one wants to be the cause of dimming her light. Maybe everyone is a little in love with his little blue teifling… Their little blue tiefling. Not his, never his. She skips her way straight to Beau. She is on a mission and hasn’t even noticed that he is there. 

“What ya doing Beau?” She asks playfully. There is a bit of paint on her elbow, for some reason, that makes him smile. 

“What’s it look like Jessie?” Beau cannot stop herself from smiling. He knows that look, but wonders, if it is obvious on Beau’s face, how obvious is it on his? Or is it only obvious because he knows it so well?

“It looks like you could use some company” Jester is grinning ear to ear, rolling up on the balls of her feet. “Ya know training is a lot more fun and helpful when you have an opponent.”

“You want to spar?” Beaus grin now matches Jesters. 

“Yes!” Jester exclaims, her eyes flaring with excitement. “It’s been so long since we fought”

“Alright!” Beau says as she looks around the room finding Calebs eyes, “Caleb, come referee” she waves him over, “but NO cheating!” 

He flinches a bit as some color mars his cheeks. He cannot help but feel like he had just been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing. 

“Yeah Caleb, no cheating!” Jester laughs, teasing him lightly, “Unless it is in MY favor.” He can feel his face grow a bit pinker. 

‘Pull it together Widogast!’ He chastises himself as he gets up. “Ja…. Coming.” He closes his book and settles closer. Both ladies are just grinning at each other. He waves them to start whenever they are ready. 

“AAARRRGGGHHH!!!” Jester yells her most wild battle cry which Beau follows with just as much gusto. 

The fight doesn’t last very long. Jester has gotten better since they started out all those months ago, but so has Beau. Honestly, he doesn’t think there are many who could beat the monk in a fist fight. Ohh, but did he enjoy watching Jester try.   
Jester lands the first blow, catching Beau momentarily off guard. Her punch lands and barley healed injuries on Beau re-open. Beau staggers, but quickly fights back. Three punches in and Jester is looking worse for wear. Jester swings back and conjures her Big pink lollypop, and clips Beau from behind making her hit the floor. Beau springs back, leaping over the lolly pop, and kicks Jester. Jester is able to block the second blow, but ends up getting punched right in her nose. Blood flows down Jesters face, but she is still as feisty as ever. She attacks back with her lolly pop and duplicates her self while running, there is now a Jester in front of Beau and a Jester behind. It successfully confuses Beau for one punch. She quickly realizes and lands the next two. 

Caleb watches, his fingers itching to help Jester out, but she did tell him no cheating. He would hate to have her think that he doesn’t believe in her. Two more rounds and they are both gasping for air, blood splattering their clothes. Beau goes in for another strike and suddenly Jester disappears. Caleb has a moment to panic, but then she reappears behind Beau and touches her with one last inflict wounds before Beau can whip around. With a final punch, Jester is rendered unconscious. 

Right at that moment, Caleb jumps up and runs over to make sure the fight wasn’t taken too far. She is ok, breathing, just knocked out. He cradles Jesters head in his lap as he pulls out his wire and sends a message to Caduceus to let him know they are in need of some healing. 

He stays close until Cad is able to make it downstairs and heals her. Their eyes meet and he momentarily forgets how to breath. Her eyes seem to pierce right through him. He feels his face turn slightly pink, makes a quick excuse that he has to finish up one of his spells and heads for he door telling both women that the fight was very impressive and well fought. 

He knows Caduceus’ eyes are on him, those eyes are too keen. Normally, not a problem, but not today, not when the itching under his skin just stopped, not when he is not sure exactly what he is feeling whenever Jester is around. He slowly makes his way to the library until no one can see him, then he almost runs. He feels the panic rising, he needs the security his library offers. 

Once the library door closes, he starts to hyperventilate and snaps Frumpkin into existence. It takes a few minutes for him to reach some semblance of calm. His face is deep in Frumpkins fur, the sound of purring surrounding him. He shakily goes back to his spell work in hopes that it will distract him from Caduceus knowing gaze, Beaus quick mind, and the feeling of Jester lying in his lap. 

Jester feels terrible. Her whole body is one big bruise, even after Caduceus’s spell. When she asked Beau to spar, she wasn’t expecting Caleb to be there, nor the need to show off and try to impress him. She knows she probably went too far if the condition they both are in is any indication. But the look on his face when she woke up in his lap, there are no words that she can use to describe it fully. Part relief, part something else. It made her heart skip a beat. But then he was gone. 

Beau and Caduceus help her to her feet, and as if they were one mind, took her to the hot tub instead of her bed. Cad went to light the fire to start the water, and Beau helps her undress. Man she is going to have to scrub those clothes, maybe help with Beaus as well considering she is the cause of their current condition. Beau notices her looking at the blood. 

“Don’t worry about it Jessie, I have clothes that look much worse than this.” Jester knows she is trying to make her feel better about it, so she smiles. 

“I am sure I can get these stains out, even though I wish Caleb would just learn prestidigitation already.” It comes out a bit more tired than she wanted it to, but Beau nods her head. 

“It would cut down on the cleaning bill.” She agrees, as she helps Jester into the water. 

The water has already warmed up quite a bit, and she finds herself sighing as she submerges herself. Beau is not far off, and they are soon settled in companionable silence, letting the water ease their bodies and sooth their wounds. 

“You are getting better at hand to hand combat,” Beau starts, eyes staring up at the darkened sky, “I do think the lollypop was a bit of a cheat though.” She looks down at Jester with a small smirk on her face. Jester, while she agrees a little, doesn’t think Beau minded all that much.

“Had to make is some bit of a challenge. You still won.” She reminds Beau with a bit of a pout. She couldn’t help it, she hated loosing, especially in front of Caleb, even if it was just for fun. 

“You ok Jessie?” The concern is evident in her voice, and when Jester looks at her, in her face. 

“Of coarse I am Beau! I wanted to spar, and I did. I know I just have a little way to go yet before I can beat you!”, Jester puts on her false exuberance, which most cannot recognize from her normal, she IS a really good liar. She knows that isn’t what Beau is asking, but she doesn’t wanna even poke what is currently making her pouty. 

Beau gives her a look that says she doesn’t quite believe her act. She is still trying to make up her mind about pushing Jester a bit about it when Caduceus arrives back. Beau drops it. Jester is relived to be saved by both Beaus questioning and the knowing eyes of Cad. 

Caduceus is carrying a small pouch that, by the looks of it, is filled with dried flowers and spices. He sprinkles a bit into the now hot water and gets in. As he settles, that lazy smile graces his face. “Ahhh, this is nice.” He leans back, enjoying the warmth, then starts his prayer of healing. “You both look like you could use some more, and I think I could too”. The healing takes hold of the three and they sink a bit deeper in the water, far more relaxed than before. The aroma of flowers and spices pleasantly permeates the air around them. All three are smiling faintly. 

“Were you hurt Cad?” Jester asks

“Gardening is hard work, sometimes it can strain the body. Figured I might as well since I was already going to be casting it.” He lays his head back on the side of the tub, eyes closed. Jester figures that he is probably right about that. Sometimes painting can make you hurt in muscles you didn’t know you had. “However,” he starts back up, not looking at either of the women he is with, “not nearly as straining as the game you both were playing.”

Jester turns a little pink thinking about it. Beau just shrugs, “idle hands and all that… gotta keep up with a skill in order to have it when you need it.” Cad nods his understanding and the three of them grow quiet. 

The scent is peaceful, calming, she should do this more often when she isn’t injured. Jester can hear some small talk coming from both Beau and Cad. She wishes she could pay closer attention to it, maybe add to the conversation, but the warmth of the water, her muscles unwinding, and the wonderful scent in the air is making her very drowsy. Her eye lids are getting very heavy. She sinks a bit further in the water, her head lolling back to rest on the side of the tub. Her eyes are fully closed and she feels herself drifting. 

Next she knows, Beaus’ strong arms were lifting her out carefully. Cad is there, wrapping the towel around her. 

Beau sees her stir and shushes her. “You need the rest Jessie, lie your head on my shoulder, I’ll take you to our room and tuck you in.” 

Beaus voice is very comforting and Jester does what she is told. 

Beau turns her attention toward Cad, “ Can you help with the doors?”

“Of coarse Ms. Beau, on my way.”

Jesters eyes stay closed the rest of the trip up, and only open long enough while Beau is tucking her in, to thank them for being the bestest friends anyone could ask for. Her eyes close again. 

Her eyes open, staring straight up then squinting. The sun is shining brightly, warming her skin. Her eyes start to focus, getting used to the bright light after so much darkness. She can start to see a figure above her, leaning down, as he blocks the sun rays from hitting her in the eyes, she recognizes him. Caleb. He is looking down at her with that small smile he sometimes wears. 

“There you are, is my reading that boring for you?” He says playfully. 

Jester smiles, readjusting her head in his lap, “Never.” She drags the word out putting as much amusement in her voice that she can. She watches as his eyes crinkle in the corners a little. She starts to sit up looking around. They are under a very nice tree surrounded by grass and wild flowers. They are using a scarlet blanket to sit on. 

She looks over to Caleb who is still watching her. He is holding an open book in one hand, the other, she notices, was combing though her hair, but it’s now gone. A little sadness hits her at the loss, but he is still looking at her with such softness, so it’s probably ok.

They were having a picnic, and she had fallen asleep listening to him read to her in the afternoon sun. How wonderful. She feels herself smile fondly as she realizes. 

“Sorry Caleb, I didn’t mean to. I am sure it is a wonderful story.”

“Ohh, it is Jes.” Caleb confirms leaning in with a playful tilt to his smile. He leans in further, whispering directly into her ear, breath ghosting over her making her shiver. “It was just about to get even better. He backs up a little from her, readjusting his book. She glances at it, The Devils Embrace. She is momentarily surprised, she had thought she was keeping that book well hidden. Her face turns a bit pink, not because it is smut, but because it is about a torrid love affair between a beautiful tiefling woman and a handsome, gentile, and powerful human man. 

“Well, I’m glad I woke up then.” Her mouth is getting a little dry, she licks her lips then continues, “wouldn’t wanna miss all the good parts.” 

She feels the ghost of a chuckle across her skin as he continues to read, “He can no longer hold himself back, he must reach out and taste all that beautiful skin he hasn’t been able to keep his mind off of since the first time they met,” Caleb moves closer, voice dropping as if she was the only one in the world, softening, “He reaches his arm around her to pin her closer to him, her scent is intoxicating. He sweeps her hair out of her face, away from her swan-like neck, and breathes her in deeply. 

She answers with her hands clutching into his shirt, pulling him even closer, leaning her neck to the side, resting her head on his shoulder. She moans as he grinds his pelvis against her. She can feel the heat of him, the hardness of his cock straining against his pants. 

He sweeps the light silky fabric of her night gown down, off one shoulder, revealing a firm breast. He cups it, rolling her hardening nipple between his fingers, biting her neck. He soothes the bite with his tongue and starts kissing and licking his way up her neck to her mouth. Their lips meet hungrily. She releases one arm and reaches to caress his manhood, he reaches for the hem of her night gown”

Calebs last few words are only a whisper against her skin and her eyes close a little. 

Her breath is becoming shallow at the pure anticipation, she dare not move, she doesn’t want to break whatever spell Caleb is weaving. She feels her hair move off of her neck, then the light touch of rough fingertips, caressing down her neck. It raises goosebumps on her skin and a small shiver runs through her body. She has never wanted something so badly in her life. 

Caleb continues whispering into her skin, “and slides it up her thighs, she moans as he caresses her mound. He turns her face towards him and claims her with the promise of everlasting devotion.” Caleb closes the tiny distance. His lips finally trailing across her skin, sparking, igniting her racing blood with the desire she had been trying to hold at bay. She weaves her hand through his red hair and moves into his touch.

Caleb pulls back, book forgotten to his side, and stares into her. His eyes are dilated, lips parted and pink. His breath is as shallow as hers. He his brings hands up to brush her hair out of her face, “Is this…” he motions to the both of them, “do you want, you know, me? Us? For me to continue?” He looks so vulnerable and open, want racing thorough his veins the same way as hers is. She knows he would stop and everything would go back to how it always was, if she said the word. Her hand cups the back of his neck and pulls him to her. 

“Yes, Yes to it all Caleb.” She whispers into his lips. They kiss, and that kiss turns into something so filled with emotion, she almost looses herself in him. 

He pulls back one more time, hand on her belt, just to make sure. She nods and reaches for his shirt. They remove each others clothes, slowly, reverently, following every piece of cloth with their hands and lips. Fingers mapping each other to their fullest extent. They end up entangled, naked, and unable to stop touching. They are unhurried and gentle, as if afraid to break whatever is building. 

He embraces her and lies her down on the blanket, kissing her deeply, hands combing through her hair, caressing her neck, her shoulders, her arms. Wherever his hands go, his lips follow with their heat and their fire. His hands cup her breasts, fingers rolling one nipple between them, his mouth is gently sucking on the other one. She arches into his touch, drags her fingers up his back and weaves them into his hair, his name falling from her lips like a prayer. He continues his slow descent, fingers lightly caressing her skin, making goosebumps pop up wherever they go, his mouth following, tasting all of her that he can. 

His hands caress her hips and her thighs. His finger tips slowly tickling up from her feet. She hardly knows which way is up, all she knows is Calebs heat, and her want. He uses one hand to dip between her already parted legs, she is dripping with arousal. He touches her in steady rhythmic caresses that have her letting out a deep, throaty moan as he explores. She feels the pleasure building in waves, cresting higher and higher, her hands grabbing onto whatever she can to keep herself grounded. He dips his tongue into her belly button, rubs his beard along her belly, braces his hands on her hips, and then stops. 

She whips her head in his direction and their eyes meet. His face is flushed, eyes blown, lips swollen. There is a beautiful blush across his cheeks. His head is hovering between her legs. Their eyes are locked as he lowers his mouth to her, tongue dipping, taking a long swipe and burying his mouth into her. His hands keep her from moving, eyes heavy with arousal watching her come apart. The pleasure crests again as he sucks, and she explodes, her back arching off her bed and a cry on her lips. 

And it is dark. 

She quickly sits up, searching for his warmth, his presence, and coming up empty. She is in her bed, skin still burning, pleasure still throbbing through her, yet she alone. She lets out a small whimper and hugs herself for a moment. Then she remembers Beau, and looks over to where the woman sleeps. She listens. She only relaxes a bit when she hears the soft snores of the other woman, ‘good’ Jester thought, ‘ at least I didn’t wake up Beau’. Jester shakily gets to her feet, legs a little wobbly still, and slowly and as silently as she can, exits the room. 

Every step descending the stair case sends a small shock of pleasure through her. That was the most intense dream she had ever had. 

She has had other sex dreams before, obviously. Fjord is normally the star. Beau, sometimes, Yasha sometimes, sometimes they are even together. But never has Caleb EVER made an appearance. She has never actually come from a dream before either. She normally either has to quietly and efficiently finish herself off, or deal with the frustration of being unfulfilled. That was the most intent orgasm she had ever had, and she had never even been touched. Just thinking about it makes her muscles contract in another wave of spent pleasure.

It wasn’t real, it was just a dream, she keeps telling herself until she finds herself outside of the library, hand hovering around the door knob. It wasn’t real, but it feels like she lost him. Could she loose a man she never even had? Her hand twitches above the door knob, then withdraws. Why was she here? It was just a dream. What is she going to do? Jump on him when she sees him? Go to his room and slip into his bed? What is she even thinking?

She turns her back to the library and exits the building. She settles herself outside, watching the stars travel across the ever dark sky. Her thoughts keep traveling back to her dream, it felt so real, she wanted it to be real, but it wasn’t, so she just stared into the void. She shivers every time she feels the ghost of the touches along her skin, every time she remembers the look in his eyes, the vulnerability he showed, the pure lust and want mirrored in him.

Is this because Fjord rejected her all those weeks ago and has been avoiding her as much as possible? She doesn’t think so, otherwise it would have happened sooner, right? Does she like Caleb? Well, yes, she likes Caleb, but does she like him in the way her dream suggests? She wouldn’t have had that dream if she didn’t feel something for him… then she thinks of her dreams staring Beau and Yasha. Like that is supposed to prove anything. She knows she wouldn’t say no if one of them asked. Hell, she has flirted with them countless times, they always think she is joking, and sometimes she is, but not all the time. She remembers watching Beau and Keg and she is not ashamed that she daydreamed for weeks about being in Kegs place. So really, if anything, the evidence is really pointing to wanting Caleb. 

But this dream suggests more than sex. It wasn’t something quick, it wasn’t just an orgasm. Most of her sex dreams are just, well, sex. They normally start somewhere in the middle. This was something else, there was something to it. Man, she wishes she could talk to her mama. She would understand, she would know what to say. She starts thinking back through her interactions with Caleb. Small smiles, helpful spells, compliments and always treating her like a competent and important member of the team. He has always taken her seriously. He laughs at her jokes and enjoys her chaos. She does do things just to make Caleb smile. She likes Calebs smiles, they are always genuine when they happen.

Damn, maybe she does like Caleb. 

Jester puts her head in her hands, but he is so emotionally unavailable. She knows there is something in his past that he is scares him, and that it feeds whatever it is he is searching for. She believes he is a little scared of that as well. He has called them all family, and she believes that. She knows he has opened up much more than when they first met. She thinks of the disaster with Fjord and wonders if Caleb would react the same way. Fjord was and still is emotionally unavailable. That is a trait that they share. They both hate themselves on some level. Fjord because of how he looks, Caleb because of something he has done. 

She needs to talk to Fjord, if she can corner him alone. He was her first real crush, and she knows, after talks with Beau and Nott, that she was coming on very strong. It embarrasses her, if she is being honest, with how much she pushed. Then Avantika happened. She sneers at the shear thought of the woman, but she should give her credit. That fiasco helped her realize that she was wrong. She held on to the crush, but she started to realize that it wasn’t what she thought it would be. It wasn’t until Fjord was so heartless, that she realized she was chasing a phantom that didn’t exist. Fjord is great, and still very handsome, but he isn’t the man she built him up to be, and she knows she was being unfair by doing so. He was wrong in how he handled her… but she was wrong in how she handled him. 

Yeah, she really needs to talk to Fjord. Maybe it will bring her some clarity, and heal their relationship a bit. She misses her first real friend. Well, real friend who isn’t a god. The traveler is always number one. 

But now there is Caleb… Jesters mind flashes back to her hands in his hair, his mouth on her, the heat radiating off of him, and whimpers a bit. Is it just another crush? Maybe, but does that diminish her wanting him to hold her, love her? She knows who Caleb is, well, mostly. She knows more about Caleb than she did about Fjord. But is it enough? She has been watching him for a while, and while she always told herself it was because he is so squishy, is it? Was she lying to herself? There are just so many questions! And they just keep repeating. 

She does not go back inside until her limbs have grown cold and numb. She gets back up after however many hours and heads back inside. She is too cold now to feel the fire in touches that never happened, and too tired to keep asking herself questions with no answers. She goes back into her room, back to her sheets that are now dry and cold. She covers herself and stares at the wall until Beau wakes, dresses, and pretends to sleep when Beau sees if she wants breakfast. When Beau leaves, Jester re-opens her eyes, and grabs her sketchbook.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story continues.

Ba-dum…ba-dum… ba-dum… The silence was back, making his heartbeat echo through his head. Why is it always silence. His hands start to shake and he puts his pen down to calls Frumpkin to him. Frumpkin jumps up in his lap and Caleb runs his shaking hands through his cats fur, relishing how soft he is, and the small content sound of his purr. 

“Who’s a good boy?” He coos as he scratches under Frumpkins chin and the purring goes on overdrive. “Well, you’re a good boy!” He squishes Frumpkins little furry face and rubs his nose on his cats. The purring drowns out the sound of his heartbeat. Frumpkin curls up in Calebs lap, his calm spreading to Caleb. 

He sets back to his spell work, a new spell Essek gave him. His fingers itch to try it, but he has to learn it first. He picks up his pen and starts, other hand never leaving Frumpkins fur. He looses himself in his new discovery, slowly picking apart the spell bit by bit, the feeling of new magic sparking along his fingers, singed and scared as they are. He almost has it when the library swings open, revealing the bickering married couple he shares his space with, carrying their latest supplies. Caleb leaves his seat to go and help. 

“Sorry Caleb, we were trying to be quiet” Nott says from behind a large crate, “He just isn’t used to being quiet and cannot seem to do as I do” She finishes, obviously teasing her husband. 

Yeza smiles fondly at his wife, “Don’t say that as if you were always able to be quiet Veth. I remember a very particular night where you kept the entire town awake.” Nott giggles. Caleb can’t help but smile at their interactions. She thought he was gone forever, and feared he wouldn’t accept her as she is now. She was wrong on both counts, and Caleb is very grateful for it. 

“I did not need to hear that or the implication.” Caleb finds himself teasing. Yeza, like Nott, and, well, the rest of the nein, found a way to wiggle themselves into Caleb’s little burnt out heart. He looks to Nott and feels a strange spike of pride when he notices her approving look. He guesses she would like if he teased people a little more often. 

Yeza puts the package down, brushes himself off and pecks his wife on the cheek. “It was a good night”

Notts’ complexion turns a bit deeper green and says, “and don’t you forget it!” They both laugh and share a kiss. Then they start to organize their new purchases, playfully bickering at each other during the whole process. 

Caleb returns to his desk and his spell work, keeping one ear on their conversation. The contained chaos they both bring is welcome. He quickly becomes engrossed in his studies again until he hears the mention of Jester. 

“Yea, I told you, I don’t want to bother Jester. She has been weird for the past few days.”

“I know, but you haven’t said what you mean by weird. Jester seems just as upbeat as always whenever I see her.”

“You don’t know her Yeza, I know Beau is worried as well. She is acting normally, just in a weird way. I can’t explain it. Hand me the black powder please.”

Yeza hands over the black powder to his wife, while he continues with the health potion he is making. While Nott seems content to make things that blow up, he really just wants to keep her alive. He lost her once already. 

Now the silence is louder than ever to Caleb. Is Jester sick? Was she more hurt during the fight a few days ago than she let on? She is a healer, so really that shouldn’t be a problem. He squirms in his seat for a few more minuets before he just can’t help himself. 

“Is Jester sick, Nott?” He tries really hard to go for nonchalant. He has had practice for months traveling together not showing his little crush on the blue tiefling who lights up every room she enters. 

“Hmmm, Caleb? Did you ask something? Wait just a second, I don’t want to accidentally blow myself up again.” Nott is trying to divide out the black powder into a keg? Ohh no… she is making another fluffinutter.

“What do you mean again, Veth?” Yeza has a look of barley hidden panic and horror. 

Nott stops measuring, and looks at her husband, “Well…” she looks to Caleb, but he cannot help her. “I was trying something new, and it was just a small explosion, nothing to worry about, really.”

Yeza just gives his wife a look, “do you need help with that?” Yeza motions towards the black powder.

Nott hands it over and they both fix the amount she needs. 

Caleb waits patiently for them to finish with the black powder before he prompts Nott again, “Why do you think Jester is off? Is she sick?”

Nott looks a bit unsure before she answers. “Well, umm, she’s just… keeping mostly to herself lately. Even Beau looks as if she is starting to worry.” Nott shrugs. “It’s probably nothing, I just don’t want to bother her?”

“Ja, I am sure it really is nothing.” He says, unsure if he really believes it. He hasn’t really seen Jester for a few days, hasn’t seen many outside of Nott, Yeza, and occasionally Beau. Well, that’s not entirely true, he has spent quite a bit of time with Essek learning. He looks down at his spell, Dunamancy really is unlike almost anything he has learned thus far. He goes back to work on his new spell, hearing quiet conversation from Nott and Yeza, but not paying any real attention to it. 

Why would Jester be feeling and acting off? She does’t normally like to be alone, not with being such a lonely child… 

Panic rushes through Calebs’ veins… Her MOTHER! His pen slips, ruining his spell, and he doesn’t have room to care. He can feel Nott and Yeza’s eyes on him as he clutches the side of his desk. What if she can’t contact her mother? This dark thought keeps echoing, what if Astrid and Eodwulf got to her mother? He feels his breath start to pick up, his vision getting fuzzy along the edges. He feels Nott at his elbow. 

“Ca-Caleb?”

He feels her concern and closes his eyes, trying to calm his breathing. In through his nose…2…3… out through his mouth …2…3…

“Is everything ok, Caleb? Do I need to get the others?” Nott’s worry is slowly rising with every second he doesn’t answer. 

In…1…2…3… out 1…2…3… “I’m ok Nott. I think, I think I just need some air.” He says as he gets up, his mind still in a small panic. Nott continues to hover by his elbow. “It’s ok Nott, I am just going outside.” He says, trying to be more convincing. 

Nott lets him go, he sees her send a worried glance towards Yeza as he closes the door to the library. 

He heads directly outside. He needs some air before he finds out that he ruined another family. The cool night air hits his face and he can take a deep breath, finally. He stands there for a few minuets relearning how to breathe, trying to keep his mind blank. 

Once he has his breathing under control, he stares up at the ever night stars and tries to think of a way to fix this. He realizes he can’t fix anything if he doesn’t actually know if he needs to. Gods, he hopes he is just over-reacting. He takes another deep breath and then re-enters the house in search for Jester. He heads to the training room. If she is not with Beau, Beau probably knows where she is. He will ask her to speak privately. Beau knows his past, well, the little he has told her anyway, so he would not be revealing anything, but it might give Jester some comfort. 

He starts to compose his questions as he opens the door. Beau is there. She looks to be meditating. Maybe, inaction is taking its toll on more of the Nein than just him. He looks around and doesn’t see Jester anywhere. He debates with himself on whether or not he should interrupt Beau. 

“What ya lookin for Caleb?” He hears. Beau still has her eyes closed, but her face has changed to show her annoyance. 

“Ummm… “ he tries to start. 

“Beau has opened her eyes by now and is watching him fidget. 

“I was, umm… Nott said that, well, Nott said that Jester has not, not been herself lately. And, and I was, well, looking for her, to see if she was ok. Have you noticed her acting strangely?” He hates that he is fidgeting, but this is Beau, he likes Beau. 

She gives him a look that he cannot quite read. He can tell that Beau is deciding something. “Jessie’s been quiet the last few days.” She is a bit worried, probably more than she is letting on, “but there is nothing concrete.”

They take a few minutes just looking at each other and Caleb nods. 

“What ya thinking there?”

“I am sure I don’t know. I just hope that nothing has happened to her mother…” He looks away in shame, he has put not just his friends in harms way, but their families. 

Beaus face changes as she understands what is left unsaid. Yes, he like Beau. “I think she would have told us if something happened, or if she couldn’t reach her, right?”

“I don’t know, umm, do you know where she is right now so I can check?”

“Last I saw her, she was still in our room”

He nods his head absentmindedly and makes his way for Jesters room. 

Beau returns to her practice. As Caleb leaves the room he hears a quiet “Wonder if it is mutual….”from Beau.

“What Beau?”

“Hmm? I didn’t say anything.”

“Ohhh, sorry.” And he leaves 

Caleb feels the sweat on his palms increase as he walks up the stairs to Jester and Beaus room. He’s scared, what if he is responsible for the unthinkable. She would never look at him again, let alone smile at him, or play with him… she would know he is a monster. 

Before he is ready, he is standing out side her room. He swallows the lump that has suddenly formed in his throat and knocks. “Jester, it’s Caleb. Can we talk?”

He waits for an answer and then knocks again. “Jester?”

“Well Caleb, what ARE you doing outside my room?” She asks insinuating all sorts of dark delights, from behind him. 

He feels his face heat up at the intonation, gathers himself, and turns to look at her. She is standing there, eyebrow raised, smirk on her face, and hand on her hip. 

“Hello Jester.”

“Hi Caleb” Her smile just gets bigger like she just caught him doing something he shouldn’t be…. Maybe she did. 

Caleb moves away from her door in case she wants to enter, “Umm, ja, I just wanted to ask you a question.”

“Of coarse!” Jester walks around him, opening her door, “Why don’t you just follow me into My Roooooom?” There is a twinkle in her eye, and he knows she is teasing him. That has got to be a good sign, right. 

He enters, but makes sure to hover around the door. Jester bounces over to her bed and puts her supplies down. 

“uhh, Jester, I wanted to make sure you were ok.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Her head is cocked to the side, eyebrows knitted together. 

Caleb finds it a little harder to breath. “I uhhh… heard that you were… well heard that you were sick? Nein, sick is not the right word… “ He shakes his head, and tells himself to just get to the point, “Have you spoken to you mother recently?”

There is a sudden alarm in Jesters, “I talked to mama yesterday. Did something Happen? Have you heard something about Nicadronis? Caleb?” She gets up her eyes showing the rising panic. 

“Nein, nein, Jester.” Caleb can still see the panic start to take hold of her, so he does the only thing he can think of, he rushes to her and grabs her shoulders, “Jester,” she doesn’t make eye contact, “Jester, look at me” he shakes her gently to get her attention. 

She focuses, looking at him, panic still clinging to her eyes. 

Still making contact he rushes to say, “Nott is worried about you, she said that she thought you might be sad or something. Me being me, automatically thought of the worst thing, and then once thought, wouldn’t go away. I Had to check and make sure everything was ok. Scheisse, I am sorry Jester. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

His words flow over her and she takes a deep breath and casts sending, still looking Caleb directly in his eyes, not moving from his space or shrugging his hands off her shoulders. “Hi mama, I’m just checking in to make sure you are ok and no one unusual has shown. I miss you very much…”

“two more” he whispers in the air between them. 

“Love you!” Jester finishes. She is still tense under his hands, and he suddenly has a lump in his throat, He swallows…. ‘love you!’… those words, while looking at him, into him, NIEN, this is not about him. 

Seconds pass, and Jester soon relaxes completely, a small sad smile reaches her lips. He relaxes a little. 

“She misses me too, and is fine. At her request a few more security guards were hired to keep an eye out, they have all been vetted and are long trusted.” She sighs and tears start to well in her eyes, “I wish I was there to help protect her.”

A pang of grief hits him, he has done this, he is the reason she is sad and her mother is in danger. He is a terrible man. All the more terrible because he doesn’t want to let her go, and he knows, he would do the last few months the exact same way if given the chance. He forces himself to speak, even if it’s just a whisper between them, “Just say the word Jester, and I will get you there.” He wonders if she can hear his heart beating.

Jester keeps eye contact a little while before looking away, “Thank you Caleb, I will.” And starts stepping away from him, he lets her go. Not looking at him, she says, “Mama sounded worried, I am going to talk to her again. 

He hears the unsaid dismissal, “Ja…. Sorry to… worry you. But Jester,”

“Hmm”

“If you… If you need someone to talk to, I am always available for you, even if I look like I’m not, I am” The truth almost makes his throat close, it hurts, but she deserves the truth, she deserves more, but all he can offer is that truth. 

“Ok”

“Ok”, Caleb makes his way out of the room, closing her door behind him. He meets Beau on the staircase. 

“Essek is waiting for you downstairs.”

“Jesters mother is ok, She is talking to her now. I think she will be ok.” He’s not sure if she will be, but Beau relaxes a little, “there are a few questions I would like to ask the Shadowhand, so I’ll just” he motions to the stairs. 

“Yeah, should I?” She points to their shared door.

“Maybe wait a few minuets, let them talk a little?” He starts to descend the stairs, headed for Essek, then turns, “I do think she might need someone to talk to, Nott is right, she does seem a little off, I don’t know why, but I am not sure I would be her first choice… to… confide in.”

He watches as Beau sits on the stairs, “I’ll just wait here then.”

Caleb nods and continues his path to the Shadowhand. 

He approaches Essek, “Shadowhand.”

“Hello Caleb, how are the spells coming?”

“Ja, good, good.” He leads the Shadowhand to the library. 'What a nice distraction, more magic’, he thinks, trying to push those two words out of his mind. They weren’t even meant for him. “I do have a few questions, some related, one, well… not, if that’s ok.”

“One not? I must say my curiosity is piqued”

“Ja, it might be… ridiculous for me to ask, but is there possibly a teleportation circle the Mighty Nein could have access to if need calls us away?” He is nervous just asking, wondering if this will be the request that is too much, if this will be where their hospitality ends. But he has to ask, he has to know if he needs to find another way to ease the worry from Jesters eyes. They walk in silence to where they normally work. He cringes a bit at the state that he has left his desk in. 

“Curious request,” Essek starts. Caleb feels his eyes on him as he cleans up his area a bit, “I will ask, but cannot guess what their answer might be.” The silence takes over again. 

“Ja, of coarse, it would be an ease on my mind, but understand completely” Caleb opens his book to the most recent spell, trying as quickly as possible to change the subject, “I was wondering about this symbol here…”

Both wizards settle in comfortably. Calebs mind also settles, new spells and familiarity, a sure fire way to keep from thinking too much. 

Jester uses up all her spells to talk with her mother. The conversation is stilted, only 25 words at a time. 25 words, it’s the bane of her current existence. You can’t say anything with only 25 words!

She is lying on her bed sketching. It’s her and her mama, sending flying hamster unicorns back and forth like they were pigeons. She cannot even send a letter to her mama, not with the stupid war. There is a knock. 

“Yes?!” Has Caleb come back? Her heart skips a beat. 

“Hey Jessie.” Beau says as she opens the door. “How ya doin, saw Caleb leave.”

Jester was just about to tease her about knocking, but then Beau mentioned Caleb, and she just cannot bring her self to, not after that dream. “Ohh, well, you know, spoke to mama!”

“Yeah, how it the Ruby doin?”

“Well, from what I understand she is doing ok. I really wish there was a better spell though, I want to have a REAL conversation, not just phrases.” She knows she is pouting, but she really wants to talk to her mama about Caleb. 

“Yeah, but at least you get to still talk a little” Beau has a little smile, Jester knows she is trying to make Jester smile a little, and it works. 

“Yeah, extra security was hired, ya know, what with the war and Calebs old friends and all. She says nothing unusual has happened, and that she loves me so much, and that she misses me and that she was having a new dress made for me when I come down to visit again, and to say hi to all my friends and that she really appreciates that you all take such good care of me. “

Beau laughs, “How could she NOT miss you or love you?” She gets up from the bed and starts to rifle through her things for something clean to wear. Jester gets up and hugs her from behind.

“Thanks Beau”. Jester says into her back, but smile falters a little, she is glad Beau is not looking at her right now. There are a few people she wishes would love her, “Well, you know, there are people who don’t, so it’s always good to hear.”

“Jessie” Beau wiggles out of her hug and turns to look at her, “I love you.”

“I know” Jester smiles and poses a little. 

“Who do you think doesn’t. Who’s ass do I have to kick?” 

“Well, you know, people…”

“Jessie”

Jester looks down at her feel, “ Well, people like, well, like my dad…” and Caleb, her mind supplies. She knows that is not fair. Caleb loves her as much as any of them, like a friend, she cannot fault him for not loving her how she wants to be loved, not when she isn’t even sure that she isn’t just crushing on a version of him she has in her head. 

“Well, as someone who knows and understands what that’s like, he doesn’t know what he is missing.” She gives her a quick hug, then starts again, arms flying, “AND we don’t even know that the gentleman is your father, or how he really feels.” Jester is pretty sure they know, and she guesses her face states that quite clearly cause Beau continues, “All I’m saying is, there are a lot of variables to this ONE example, and even then, I am sure he found you completely charming. You cannot let one man’s shortsightedness determine your worth OR discredit those who do love you.”

Jesters eyes water a little and she practically dives back into Beau. She is just having so many emotions all at once. She knows she is on the brink of real tears and hides her face in Beaus shoulder. Beau holds her. 

“We all love you Jessie, each and every one of us. Its’ one of those things that keep us together.” 

Jester wants to believe Beau, with every fiber of who she is, she wants to believe. She knows Beau loves her, and most of the Nein, they are after all, her family. She has so much more family than she thought she ever would have. She snuggles into Beau and concludes that even if Caleb never returns her affections how she would like, her family is more than worth any heartbreak. 

“Thank you Beau” she says as she pulls away and wipes her tears away with her arm. “I love you all too, so much”

Beau also wipes at her eyes “We know Jessie.” She continues to change, glancing at Jester. “you know, I think we have all been stuck inside for too long. I know I am getting antsy.”

Jester nods. 

“How about we get everyone together and have a pub crawl! We haven’t really seen this city. It could be fun”

Jester feels her spirits lifting in excitement. Everyone together and having a good time sounds fantastic. “Ohh Beau! That sounds wonderful! Maybe I can find pastries!”

“You get Fjord, I will grab Cad and Yasha!”

They nod their agreement. Beau goes up, Jester goes next door and knocks on  
Fjords door. 

“Fjord!” She keeps knocking until he comes to the door. 

The door opens, “Hey Jessie, what’s the emergency?” Fjord is rubbing his eyes. Jester has a moment to feel bad for waking him up, but only really a moment. 

“Beau wants us all to go on a pub crawl and see Rosanna! Ya know, get out of the house, have some fun, see the city, and do something together!”

“Everything ok Fjord?”

Fjord cocks his head, “Well, yes Jessie, it is. I’ll get ready and meet everyone downstairs in a few. It will be really good to get out of the house.”

Jester remains there for a second, looking Fjord over. She doesn’t see any water anywhere… she wants to push, but doesn’t think he would appreciate that right now. “Ok” She turns and bounces down the stairs. She heads to the library to collect Nott, Yeza, and Caleb. “Hey guys, who wants to come on a pub crawl?!?!?” She beams as she crashes into the room. She stops short when she notices they have company. She waves to Essek.

Nott is always down for a pub crawl, and that’s evident by how big and bright her eyes became. Yeza waits for Nott’s lead. Essek just raises one immaculate eyebrow at her. Caleb just looks at Essek to gauge his reaction. She deflates. 

“That sounds like a GREAT IDEA!” Nott pops up and grabs Yeza’s arm to drag him along. 

“Yes it does Veth, one drink sounds fantastic.”

“One!? Its a pub crawl Yeza, that is more than one, and yes it still sounds fantastic” 

“Veth, you know I cannot handle my drink.”

“Yes, but you are so cute intoxicated” 

“Veth are you trying to get me drunk?”

“Well..” Nott smiles at her husband, “It might make it easer to get around these” she gestures to her teeth. 

Yeza just smiles at her in a way that makes Jester want to hug him. He has been nothing but good to one of her best friends. 

“Aww, you guys are so cute!” She cannot help but say it, and they both laugh a bit at it. She turns her attention to the two wizards. 

“You can come too, Essek. You probably know all the good spots” She adds. 

“I am afraid not, Jester.” Essek looks over at Caleb, “We can end for today if you would like to go with your friends” Essek pauses thinking. “We can resume studies next week.”

Jester already knows what is going to happen when she hears that he will not be back until next week. Caleb starts to wring his hands, and she doesn’t want to make it harder on him. Not really.

“It’s ok, you guys can continue studying, I’m sure we will be going out again sometime soon.”

Not picks up that Jester is trying to let Caleb off the hook, “Yeah, we can bring you something back!”

“Umm, ja, ok” Caleb starts and Essek looks absolutely delighted. Jester’s heart sinks. “ Have fun, I will com find you when we are done here.” Caleb goes back to work and Essek moves closer to point something out. A small jab of jealousy goes through her, and she tries real hard to push it down. She cannot compete with someone like the all powerful shadowhand, but whats’ more, she doesn’t want to. It’s not fair to her or Essek, or even Caleb. 

“Ok, see you later Caleb.” Jester doesn’t wait to see if he changes his mind. 

“Message me when you are done, I’ll let you know where we are!” Nott follows Jester, Yeza on her heels. 

Everyone else is already waiting for them when they leave the library.

“Where to first, I think I saw a pub a few blocks from the blacksmith, and one by Wacco’s’” Nott pipes up. 

“Well, Nott, which would you rather start with? Is Caleb not coming?” Fjord asks

Jester shakes her head, “He is busy with Essek.”

Fjord opens the door outside, “Lets leave them to it then, Come on Jessie, lead the way!”

Jester smiles a little, She knows Fjord is distracting her with leading the nights festivities. She hops outside folding herself in excitement, “Come on Nott, together we can find the BEST ONE!”

“We’re on the case!” Not agrees and together they bound into the night.


	3. Chapter 3

“Hmm?” Caleb looks over at Essek. He knows the other man was talking to him, but he can’t imagine what was being said. Essek’s face is a mixture of amused and annoyed. “Ja… sorry. I am paying attention now.” He hopes he will not get distracted again. 

“You are not normally so easily distracted.” Essek smiles, shifts closer, and points at a particularly complicated symbol, “I was warning you about this symbol. Any small variance from it will dramatically alter the spell.”

Caleb leans in to get a closer look. It is a complicated one. He hums absentmindedly while coping it down. 

The silence is all around, again, but he is not completely alone even though the house does feel a bit dimmer. He lifts his pen from the paper to double check the order, then continues. 

“You wanted to go?” Essek brakes the silence

“No, no I don’t necessarily enjoy pub crawls, last time I drank too much and my coin purse was taken.” Caleb is busy finding out the best way to transcribe the next bit. 

“You wanted to stay?” Essek continues, putting extra emphasis on the last word. 

Caleb momentarily freezes, he feels like this conversation has become more then about the pub crawl, but not sure, he doesn’t want Essek to stop teaching him and thinks maybe that is where it is going, so he tries to steer it away from there. 

“Your tutelage is very important to me, I would never take your trust for granted and appreciate and treasure the knowledge you generously offer.”He looks over at Essek and is a little surprised at how close he is. He blushes at the attention he is being given. 

“So, you wanted to stay.”

“Ja” Caleb almost whispers. He did, and he didn’t. He is always a jumble of waring emotions. ‘Focus Widogast, finish the spell,’ he berates himself and continues to work, feeling the shadowhands eyes on him. Minutes pass before he finishes and looks over nudging his book towards Essek to see if he has completed it accurately. 

They stay looking at each other, eyes locked, for a few minuets, and Caleb starts to think he was reading the situation wrong, but then Essek looks down, eyes trailing over his work. 

“Very good work Caleb,” Essek says looking towards him, “I’m not sure I could have done any better.”

Caleb soaks up the praise and blushes a little at the continuous eye contact. Essek closes his spell book and his hand brushes over Calebs. It hovers a little, and then lands, covering Calebs. 

“You are full of surprises, Caleb Widogast”

Calebs mouth goes dry and his heart starts to beat faster, “Thank you, you have been an extraordinary tutor.” Caleb bows his head, looking up at Essek through his eyelashes. Caleb feels a switch in his brain click. He now knows where this is going, knows the stakes. If he wants, he has a very powerful ally indeed. One who he might be able to manipulate easily, leveraging emotions and sex. The shadowhand is a trusted, powerful, knowledgable and handsome man. It would be no hardship on his end, he would very much enjoy it even. Taking this man apart, touching, tasting, testing. He could help it along, it would be so easy, so enjoyable. Caleb lifts his other hand and puts it on top of the shadowhand’s. It has been so long since someone wanted him, since someone touched him. He leans forward, eyes hooded, lips parted, then a pair of violet eyes flash through his mind and he stops and looks down, breaking the eye contact. 

Essek smiles a sad smile and brushes some of Calebs hair off of his face, behind his ear. “You are still so filled with mystery, until next time Mr. Widogast… Caleb.” Esseks hands depart his skin, and he follows the contact wanting that touch again. “Keep studying, I will return when I can, hopefully with an answer for you about the teleportation circle.” 

Caleb leads him to the door. “Ja… thank you Essek, you have been very generous, Sorry….sorry for….” He motions toward the library, “I… uhh, I..”

“There is no need to apologize. All in good time, when and if we are both ready, Till next time” Essek takes Calebs hand gently and places a small kiss on the knuckles, then turns and departs before Caleb can say anything. 

Caleb sits there. He is sure this face is burning. He puts his head in his hands leaning forward. He just now realizes his breathing is off and tries to settle it. ‘Why?’ He shakes his head. It would have been so easy, so enjoyable, he even wanted it, could taste his skin, but, he sighs. 

Essek is a very attractive man, an attractive man that wants him. One that he wants as well, but does Essek have an ulterior motive? What would the shadowhand gain? Is he actually interested in Caleb, or looking for sex. Is Caleb actually interested or does he just want sex, it has been a long time, but he can not discard Ikithons training…

Caleb recalls Esseks form, his lithe body, talented hands, handsome face, and piercing eyes, and he feels a stir that he hasn’t allowed himself to feel in… well… decades. Yeah, Caleb wants him, wants his body, wants his power and talent. He starts to feel his body reacting to his thoughts. He could have had him…

Caleb leans back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling, ignoring his bodies renewed interest. 

So why?

Jester. 

She couldn’t be disappointed in him, she wouldn’t even know his motives, or that it would have been a great tactical move. No, she wouldn’t be disappointed. She likes Essek, or at least he thinks she does. Of coarse she does, she likes almost everyone…. Even him. 

No, there is no reason she would be disappointed…. So why… why did her eyes stop him? 

Perhaps, he doesn’t want to disappoint himself… Now that’s something new. Can he actually disappoint himself more, hate himself more than he already does? Is Jester’s presence and all around goodness influencing him? Making him want to be better, if only to keep them safe, or to keep her from hating him? He hasn’t told her of his past, not really, not the most important part. Is he trying to prove to her he is not a terrible man (he is) before he even tells her (not that he is EVER going to tell her). Leverage himself in case she finds out? 

Jester. ‘She is your light, the world is dimmer without her’ his subconscious supplies. He closes his eyes and sees the beautiful blue tiefling in his arms, a complete copy of just a few hours ago, it’s not helping his current situation at all. 

“Love you” echos though his head, the words coming out of her mouth. It hits him like someone dumped cold water on him he rockets up straight in his chair… ‘she wasn’t talking to you Widogast’ then repeats it out loud “she wasn’t talking to you Widogast!”, but it is too late. Her words ringing through his mind, waking something long forgotten, long abandoned, and too powerful. He never thought he would be able to, didn’t have it in him anymore, not after.. not after everything. Maybe a different time, a different life, but there it is. That spark that has turned into a small flame, small but strong. 

“Fuck” he says out-loud, feeling both exhilarated and nauseous. “Fuck!” He’s in love with Jester. “FUCK”

They are on their third pub, and everyone seems to be having a great time. Nott is challenging Beau to a drinking game, Fjord is egging it on, Yeza already looks like he is going to be sick, and Yasha is watching quietly, sipping her pint. Caduceus comes back to the table, arms full of new drinks for everyone. He has a big smile on his face and looks to be enjoying the atmosphere. Jester doesn’t know why he still orders a pint for himself. They all know he doesn’t drink. But he does. 

She is trying to enjoy herself, Listening to the music and her friends’ antics, but her mind keeps straying back to how close Caleb and Essek were sitting. How happy Essek seemed to be when Caleb confirmed that he would be staying behind. Damn, their story would be a great one, just like the novels she always reads. A forbidden romance between two warring sides, hours spent together in libraries learning to speak each others language, learning to speak each other. A story filled with stolen glances, quick touches, fear of being found out. Chapters in secluded corners of libraries, trying to stay quiet so no one would know. 

Jester scowls, his bedroom is even attached to the library. Damn, now she is aroused.

“Not having a good time?”

‘hmmm?” Jester looks up, distracted from her train of thought

“Are you not enjoying yourself Jester?” Caduceus repeats.

“What!?! No, I’m having a great time! This is so much nicer than being cooped up inside.” Her words come out in a rush. Caduceus doesn’t look particularly convinced, but doesn’t press any further. 

Jester feels her thoughts going back to writing the romance of Caleb and Essek and decides she needs a distraction. Looking around she notices a small dance floor next to the minstrels. Perfect. 

“Hey Caduceus. Come dance with me.” She hops up and takes his large hand. 

Caduceus looks surprised by the demand, thinks for a second and then says, “That sounds nice.” And they both get up from their table. 

“Where ya goin’?” Beau questions, downing another shot. 

“Cad and I are going to dance!” She yells back as they go to an open piece of floor and start dancing. 

Caduceus doesn’t dance so much as sway with some small flailing that is somewhat in time with the music. After some time they are joined by Beau, then Yasha, Nott, Yeza and finally Fjord. They spend a few songs dancing and Jester loves it. They swing around each other, spirits high. 

Cad decides he has had enough and leaves the dance floor. Another song goes by, and then it switches to a slow tune. She wants to keep dancing, it is taking her mind off… well, off things. Nott and Yeza don’t miss a beat. They easily transition into the slow dance. Yasha looks as if she is going to leave until Beau pulls her in close, blushes staining both faces. Jester frowns a little and starts to head back to their table, but before she has time, Fjord extends his hand to her. 

“Want this dance, Jessie” he asks a bit shyly. 

“Ohh Fjord! OF coarse I want this dance!” She takes his hand and they start dancing. 

Fjord is just so close, she cannot help her face from heating up a bit. 

“ Is everything ok?”

Jester looks up at Fjord.

“It’s just… you’ve been quiet lately.”

Damn, she thought she was hiding it, she knows her revelation has thrown her a bit. She is still trying to figure out how to act, but she was hoping her friends would be so caught up in their own lives to notice.  
“I’m fine Fjord. No reason to worry” She says smiling, hoping that she is convincing enough. 

Fjord smiles a bid sadly, “Of coarse you are Jessie, but, you know, if you ever want to talk about anything, I’m here for you.” He finishes and gives her a small twirl. 

It makes her giggle. “Thank you Fjord, I will, I’m just well, a bit confused right now.” And she is not lying at all, she is confused.

A month ago, this was exactly what she would have wanted. Fjord holding her so close, dancing, looking at her softly. A month ago, she would have been all giggles and innuendo, but it’s not a month ago. 

Today today she feels nothing but fondness fo her first friend. She knows she projected a story on him, made his affection for her into more and expected an epic romance. She knows she made a mistake, love isn’t like the books she read, with heaving bosoms and being thrown against walls and ravaged. No, it’s quieter, quieter and more painful. 

“Fjord?”

“Yes, Jessie?” He looks down at her. 

She has a hard time making eye contact. “I’m… I’m sorry for… well, for all the uncomfortable stuff I did, or said to you.”

“Jessie? What’s wrong?” 

She can feel his concern. “I didn’t know what to do, you know, with my crush. I didn’t mean to make you feel weird or uncomfortable, I know it was just a crush, but, I hope I didn’t ruin our friendship…” She feels tears pricking her eyes. 

Fjord can see them too, “Aww, Jessie, where is this coming from?” He spins her and brings her in close. 

“Well, you know, I’ve been thinking a lot. And realized I took things a little too far, and put you in an uncomfortable position, or, you know, treated you badly.”

“You never treated me badly. If anything, you have saved me on multiple occasions. You are, after all, a really good healer.” He smiles at her, a real smile. 

Jester laughs, “I am a really good healer”

They dance is silence a little more, neither of them willing to break the comfort they have right now. 

“Was a crush?”

Now Jester feels really uncomfortable. She can’t tell Fjord about, well, about her Caleb revelation, not at least until she knows more. Not until she can say for sure its not JUST another crush… “Oh well, you know, there’s….” She turns bright purple, “Now I’m just embarrassed! I don’t want to, we don’t have, uhhh, everything’s fine, I don’t know how anyone feels really, not even myself, not 100%, but uhhh, I know that what I felt, ummm earlier, it was uhh, it was a crush. Ahh, I… let's not talk about it!” It is a burst of words, and all she wants to do now is hide. 

Fjord laughs, a full belly laugh. Jester tenses up and is about ready to yell at him when he starts to talk, “So that’s what’s going on! Oh Jessie, like I said, if you need to talk, I’m here, if not, that’s ok too. I have never thought badly about you, and if I am being honest, enjoyed your attention.”

“Really?” She looks up at him, he does look a little greener, but is smiling at her. 

“Being half orc in a human town, I didn’t get any of, well, that sort of attention. It was nice to be wanted, and made me think that maybe, well, maybe I deserved some of that sort of attention.” His blush darkens. 

“You are very handsome, AND deserving.” She smiles, back to her old self. 

“Well, thank you Jessie.” He says, “and just so you know, whoever it is, is a very lucky person.” He twirls her around, and they go back to putting all their focus into the dance. Both of them are giggling like children as the end of the song grows nearer. She feels like a weight has been lifted off her chest. Fjord doesn’t hate her. She feels lighter than she had in days. 

The music changes and so does the dance. Soon they are all back together again. Beau is laughing, Yasha is blushing. Nott and Yeza are swimming around each other, absolutely delighted and Caduceus is back to swaying and smiling. 

Jester decided that it has turned into a great night. 

They soon find themselves stumbling back to the house, Jester and Cad leading the rest getting them inside and to bed. 

“Thank you Beau” Jester says as Beau snuggles into her pillow. 

“Urwelcm Jsss” Beau mumbles. 

Jester is smiling as she picks up her sketchbook to talk to he traveler.


	4. Chapter 4

Caleb curses himself for a good half hour before he pulls himself together. It’s not the end of the world. Yes, he loves Jester, and probably has for a while now. He just doesn’t take his feelings out to look at them anymore. How could he have missed this? Is he really that emotionally repressed? Yes… yes he is. 

So he loves Jester… Honestly, how could anyone not. She brings light everywhere she goes. It’s more than that, he knows it. 

Caleb signs and gets to his feel. He starts looking for Nott, but, they all left on the pub crawl. He thinks for a few seconds and goes to his room. He’s just going to have to sleep on it. 

He looks at his bed, and knows that he will not be able to shut his mind up enough to sleep. He paces, reaches for his wire, and casts sending. 

“Nott, which pub are you at? Will you be there for a while? You can reply to this message.”

“Caleb? We are by Wacco’s. We will be dancing, looks like we will be for a bit.”

He knows where Waccos is. He grabs his coat and heads out. He cannot be alone with his thoughts right now. 

The trip is quick and he rarely gets weird looks anymore, which he is grateful for. He likes being unseen. As he arrives a block from Waccos’, he hears the music playing. Nott said they would be dancing. That’s probably the right place. He enters, and looks around. He sees a rush of blue and hears her laugh and its enough to make his heart dance. The rest of the Nein are dancing too, if you could call what Caduceus is doing, dancing. 

Caleb orders a pint and settles himself down to drink and watch. His friends looks like they are having a great time. He cannot keep himself from smiling. 

He is almost done his pint when Caduceus spots him and makes his way over. 

“Mr. Caleb, glad to see you joining us. I wasn’t sure you’d come.”

Caduceus is so unassuming looking, kind and gentle, easy to forget his perception. 

“Uh, well, we finished early and I think I’ve been in the library a bit too long.” He catches the bar keeps eye and motions for another. 

“Yes, it looks like a change of scenery is what everyone needed.” Cads attention goes back to the dance floor dragging Caleb’s with it. 

“Looked like you were having fun out there” Caleb says, enjoying the music and company. 

“Oh, I don’t know how to dance like they do, but Jester wanted company and I wasn’t playing Beau’s drinking game.” He shrugs like it is obvious, maybe it is. 

Caleb opens his mouth to say something, but then the music changes, it slows and turns into a sweeping melody. Everyone pairs off. It looks for a second that Jester was going to head back to the table, but Fjord offers his hand. 

Any good spirit Caleb was starting to feel, falls. Fjord pulls her in and they start dancing. They move together perfectly. He spins her, she laughs. 

From this distance, Caleb can’t hear what they are talking about, but he sees that they are talking. It looks serious. Caleb downs his pint and asks for another. 

Caleb finally realizes his feelings, and Fjord gets a clue. A pang of jealousy runs through him and he flinches. Jester is not his. He has no claim. Yes. He loves her, but she doesn’t know that. She deserves better anyway, he destroys everything he touches. He was never going to tell her anyway. ‘Plus, Jester has been flirting and in love with Fjord since day one, his mind supplies.’ Yes, that too. 

Caleb takes another drink, and then another. 

“Umm, Mr Caleb, maybe you should slow down, it’s going to be a long night.”

“Ja… Maybe, you’re right.” He hears himself say, puts his cup down, but cannot tear his eyes away from Jester and Fjord. 

He sees the confession, sees the tears, sees the smiles, and each is like a knife to his heart. ‘You deserve this pain’ he tells himself. He feels himself shake a bit and digs in his coin purse for some money. He finds the coins he wants and puts them on the table to pay for his drink. He watches Fjord twirl her again, both giggling like school children, and flinches a whole body flinch. 

“Mr Caleb?” Cad’s concern is palatable. 

“Umm, sorry Cad, I think, I think…” She laughs again in Fjords arms and he flinches again, “I think I should go, ja, I should go.”

“Do you need company, I can help?”

“Nein” he almost shouts the word, “Umm, no Caduceus, I can find my way, and I don’t want to pull you away from the fun. Thank you” he heads tot he exit, the music starts to change again. 

‘He will treat her so much better than you could even dream. She’s better off with him… Fjord is a good man, you are not… You are too damaged.’ The phrases repeat in his head as he struggles to keep the ale down. 

The night air hits him and he barely notices. What did he think was going to happen? Jesters too good to fall in love with a monster. He stumbles home, intrusive thoughts screaming at him, head a bit woozy from drinking so much so quickly. 

He makes it home and into his room where he strips and crawls into his bed. He should have just stayed home. He should have never looked at his feelings, he wouldn’t have realized. He should have kissed Essek, brought him to his bed, and fucked him. It would have distracted him, he would have never looked at himself. He would be sated, thoroughly fucked and fast asleep by now. 

But now, he is lying between his sheets in his small clothes, tears trying to escape, stomach flipping, and regret that he is a terrible man screaming in his brain. Why is he so pathetic. 

He eventually finds himself falling into dreamland, feeling sorry for himself, and mourning what will never be. 

She’s so beautiful, blush on her cheeks, ribbons in her hair, dress billowing as they twirl. They are both dressed in the finest clothes, all color and wealth, and he is holding her close. 

“Oh Caleb, this is so wonderful” She giggles. 

“Ja, it is.” he replies twirling her, ‘All the best for the best woman in the world.”

She blushes at the compliment and pulls him closer. Her skin is cool against his, even through their many layers. Her eyes are just the most beautiful violet. 

They dance as if they are on clouds, the music not ending. He holds her close, cheek to cheek. 

“Jester” he begins, angling her face so he can look her in her eyes. 

“Yes, Cayleb?” She replies in that way she does when she is about to tease him. He loves it, and she knows it. 

“Run away with me, we can start a new life together, happy.” He whispers closely to her, lips almost touching her ear. “Maybe start a family” he hears himself say. Yes, he likes that. The two of them could make it, far from wars, far from assassins, safe, together. 

Jester laughs kindly, “Oh Caleb, wherever would we go?” She entwines their fingers together and looks at him. Her eyes are sparkling. 

Caleb brings his lips to hover over hers, “Anywhere as long as we are together” he whispers, then kisses her deeply. 

Jesters hands come up to pull him closer, one behind his neck, one trailing up his back. He cannot help the shiver that runs through him. He clutches her closer and moans as she melts into him. He pulls away a little to look at her, her eyes are blown, breathing heavily though her swollen lips. 

“Ja,” she mimics as she pulls him into another kiss. This one more frantic, more needy. 

“Jester, I… I want you” his confession falling from is lips between kisses

“Then help me get these off?” Is her reply as she starts removing layers of his fancy clothes. As soon as any skin is revealed, she kisses it, then continues. 

“I want you too.” She says unbuttoning his shirt.

That snaps him into action, he unfastens all the clasps, unties all the ribbons, and pulls her dress away from her body, revealing an expanse of blue skin. He touches and kisses all of it as it is exposed. His hands greedily mapping her, tongue tasting her. 

Jester frees him of all his clothing and steps back, tail swishing back and forth. She finishes with her clothes, all the while looking hungrily at him. He dares not move, cannot move, she has him pinned, hard under her gaze. She touches herself, caress her body and brings her hand down upon her cunt, moaning his name. 

His cock is throbbing and as soon as she moans for him, he is on her, embracing her, lying her carefully down on a plush bed. His tongue is tracing her neck, hands massaging her breasts. She bucks up into his touch, making the sweetest sound he has ever heard. He needs to keep her making that sound. 

Her hands find his acting cock and starts to stroke him. He moans into her breasts and looks up at her. Her smile is outright devilish as she keeps touching and stroking. He pulls one of her nipples in his mouth sucking, using his other hand to massage and pinch at her other breast. He cannot look away from her. Watches her eye lids fall closed and then raise to half. Watching as she pants through those lips He smiles into her and feels the pleasure coursing through him, he is so close. 

He pulls away, collecting himself. 

“Not yet liebling.” He says looking up at her as he splays her legs out in front of him. Her looks her over and almost cums on the spot. She looks delectable, spread out and dripping with want. Want for him, open for him, waiting for him. He can tell she is growing impatient, and runs his hands up her legs. She wraps them around him and pulls him closer. 

“Caleb” she moans. Once she sees that she has his attention, she palms her breast and moans, back arching off of the bed, “I want you, I need you now”

He leans down to give her another deep kiss, pulls back and then lowers himself between her legs. 

“Ja,” he says and looks her over once again, he cannot help the word from falling out from his lips, “Mine” he mouths between her legs, nosing at her, using his fingers to part her, taking one long swipe with his tounge. Jester arches and entwines her fingers in his hair. 

“Mine” he says again as he delves in and explores her with his lips and his tongue. 

Jester moans, pulling on his hair a little, guiding him. “Yes, all yours” and she arches her back. 

He smiles against her inner thighs, spreading her with his fingers, and locates the spot he is looking for. He goes back in and teases that little spot with his tongue. Jesters reaction is immediate and electric. Her fingers pull his hair a little, back arching off the bed, pelvis grinding into his face. He loves it and keeps up the abuse. He is relentless, until she is almost there, then backs off to look at her. She is a mess, releasing his hair and clutching at anything she can get. The view sends a shudder through him, and he continues his assault. 

HIs cock is heavy and dripping, he is not going to last long once he is inside her. He brings her back up to the brink, and then backs off a few more times. 

“CAYYLEBBB” she whines. 

He brings her back up to the brink and withdraws completely. 

He knows she is about to protest, until she realizes that he is lining himself up. Once she realizes, she starts to clutch at him, trying to pull him closer to her, into her. 

He leans down and kisses her deeply as he pushes himself in, inch by inch. His world narrows down to her, only her, and she is complete bliss. 

They are both panting, both clutching as he moves, slowly at first, then he gains speed. He reaching one hand down between them and starts to caress that spot in time with his thrusts. He pushes her over the edge, the words ‘I love you’ falling from his lips as she crests, screaming in pleasure, her insides clamping down on him in rhythm. He kisses her as she comes back down, thrusting shallowly, still sending waves of pleasure through her. 

She looks at him in the eyes, bliss written all over her face, “I love you too, Caleb” she says, and that is all it takes. He explodes in pleasure, pulsing inside of her with a yell. 

And he hears her scream. Her screams aren’t of pleasure. His eyes fly open and he looks down. She is engulfed in flame! He is pouring flames into her. He tries to withdraw, but their skin has fused together. He tears at himself as he watches the flames burn her skin away from her bones. Watches the flames turn her bones into dust, and only then is he released. 

He screams her name as he watches her ashes still burn. 

“JESTER!” Caleb screams sitting up in bed covered in sweat and cum. All he sees is the vision of Jester engulfed in flame. He tries to calm his breathing. 

‘It was just a dream Widogast!’ He tells himself as his mind replays her terrified face being set aflame. He is trembling and he hugs himself. Just a dream, just a dream. It. Was. Just. A. Dream. 

His breathing returns to normal, but he and his bed are soaked, not to mention starting to get sticky. He looks down at himself and curses. He unfolds himself from his sheets, throws his legs off the bed, and just sits there a few more minuets, breathing, head in hands and feet on floor. He looks down at himself, at the mess he made, his ruined small clothes.

“All those years, nothing, and NOW you take interest?” He shakes his head looking at his spent cock accusatorially, “This is all your fault.” 

He gets up and throws some semblance of clothes on and heads to the library. There is no way he is going back to sleep now. Maybe never. He rubs at his temples and still hears her ghostly screams. 

Jester wakes in the morning completely refreshed. She hums a tune as she gets ready and thinks about the night before. She was able to talk with Fjord, and it turned out well. She was worried Fjord didn’t liker her anymore, that he wouldn’t liker her now that she knows more about herself. She was wrong, and sometimes it feels really nice to be wrong. 

She isn’t sure if what she feels for Caleb is just a crush, but figures that time will tell. She knows that what she had with Fjord was a crush, and that now it is gone. He’s still very handsome and sweet, but her heart no longer skips when he looks at her, she no longer watches him or wants to impress him specifically. 

She is not sure exactly when her feelings changed, but she knows that they have changed and that it has been like that for a while. She knew, but kept on doing what she had always done, playing her part of flirtatious cleric. She was playing with the Nein the only real way she knows, showing affection the only real way she knows. Then the dream came and she realized that her subconscious was very aware of something she didn’t even realize until it showed her. There is more to examine within herself. She has to figure out what she wants. 

Today, however, she is happy. She dresses, she puts her ribbons in her hair, and jewelry on her horns. She takes a second to spin around in her mirror and hears her stomach growl. Giggling, she heads downstairs to the kitchen, still humming, feeling light. 

Caduceus is in the kitchen already cooking. 

“Good Morning Caduceus” she greets

“Ohh good morning Ms. Jester.” He returns with a smile, “Hungry?”

“Only starving!” She grins. 

Caduceus makes two plates and brings them to the table. They sit and eat in comparable silence. 

“You seem happy today.” Cad muses while taking another bite

“Yeah, I think Beau was right, we all just needed to get out a little.”

“The dancing was fun.”

Jester laughs and Cad smiles. 

They continue eating when they hear Beau knocking into something with a curse. The two share a giggle as she comes in holding her head. 

“Ugh!” Beau complains, sitting at the table, massaging her head trying to kill the hangover. Cad gets up and retrieves a cup of whatever was simmering over the fire. He returns and puts the cup in front of Beau. 

“Drink up” he tells Beau motioning towards the cup. 

Beau mumbles a quick thanks and chugs it, making a face when done. “Ugh, what is that?”

Cad just shrugs, “It will help”

Beau just lays her head in her arms. 

Jester reaches out and puts her hand on Beaus head and casts lesser restoration to dim the hangover. Beau sighs, “Thanks Jessie.”

“Your welcome Beau” she says as she gets up to wash her dishes. She is still humming. Beau shares a glance with Cad, smiles and buries her head again. 

Jester hangs out in the kitchen as everyone wakes up and congregates there. She hands out restoration spells and Cad hands out his drink. They sit in a chorus of groans and eat. 

“What’s in that Caduceus?” Jester whispers. 

“Huh? Oh, yeah, nothing special, just tastes bad so they might think twice before drinking so much.” He replies, mischief in his eyes. 

Warmth fills Jester’s chest and she smiles, “Oh Cad, that is so tricky, I approve and so does the Traveler.” She makes sure to keep her voice so low so the others don’t hear. She laughs with Cad conspiratorially. 

“Well, we are still missing one.” Cad adds. 

Jester didn’t want to draw attention to her noticing Caleb hasn’t joined them, but since Cad brought it up, “Maybe he ate earlier, he didn’t come out with us, so he’s probably not feeling so bad.” Jester shrugs in a way she hopes is non-comital. 

Cad looks over, then makes a plate and hands it to her, “Might as well see if he’s hungry. I’ll keep an eye out here, make sure no one passes out in their breakfast.”

Jester takes the offered plate, “OK” she heads off, leaving her mostly hungover friends in the kitchen. 

Her heart is pounding the closer she gets to the library. She rolls her eyes at herself. She’s acting silly. She’s just seeing if Caleb is hungry. 

She knocks on the library door, opens it, and walks in. 

“Cayleb… I have breakfast!” She sing songs. There is no hesitation heading deeper into the library, “Cayleb?” Jester starts to worry a bit, “Caleb?” Jester heads towards his usual desk, it’s almost on view, “I brought breakfast.”

His desk comes into view, he has a book open, head on it, ink spilt and staining both the boy and the book. A mild panic goes through her, she doesn’t see any injuries. 

“Caleb?” She inches closer, he stirs with a groan. 

She hurries over putting breakfast down and out of the way, “Caleb, are you ok?” She keels by his elbow. 

“Uhhhhh, nein, wh… ja….” Caleb’s eyes open and he lifts his head. There is ink smeared on his cheek. He rubs his eyes and seem seems surprised when he looks over at her. “Jester?” He sounds so confused and almost touches her with his stained hand. He pulls back when he sees the ink. “Shcizer”he curses as he looks at his ruined work space. 

“Caleb?” Jester watches him flinch a little at his name, “What happened? Why are you sleeping at your desk?” She reaches out and puts her hand on his forehead, “Are you sick?” He flinches and then leans into her touch. He seems a little warm, but   
he could just run a little hotter than her, most do. 

“You don’t look well, maybe we should get you back to bed.” She leaves his side to open his room door, it will be easier to help him in if the door is already open. 

“Nein!” Caleb is on his feet, putting himself between his room and her. He wobbles a little, catching his balance from getting up so quickly. 

Caleb is a mess. His hair is plastered to his face with a light sheen of sweat. Ink is staining one side, lines from the book embedded from hours of sleeping on it. His jacket is crumpled, no shirt or book holsters, pants hanging from his hips, partially undone, his feet are bare. She has never seen Caleb this disheveled before. Under certain circumstances, his disheveled state would have been very attractive and arousing, but not this circumstance. He needs help. She has no idea what to say. 

Caleb catches his breath and becomes more aware of his surroundings. A quiet horror shows on his face, then nothing, almost like he slipped on a mask while she wasn’t looking. He must have seen something on her face because he let that fall and deflated a little. 

“Sorry… sorry Jester…” She doesn’t dare move, he looks so crestfallen. He takes a deep breath, “I had a bad… a bad night… nightmares…”

Jester slowly moves closer, “It’s ok, Caleb,” She motions towards the forgotten meal, “I brought breakfast, everyone’s in the kitchen trying to get rid of their hangovers, so I guess most are feeling pretty poorly this morning.”

His eyes follow her and he sees the food. “Thanks Jester. Uhh.. sorry again.” He starts over to the meal. 

He doesn’t seem to notice his state of dress… why is he so… so torn apart this morning. She makes her way over to him and holds out her hands, “I could make you feel a little better.”

Caleb stills, and swallows nervously. He’s acting so weird, it’s worrying her. She wiggles her fingers. “A little gift from the traveler?” Caleb seems to come back to himself. 

“No Jester, I’ll be fine. This food will be enough, thanks.” He turns and gives her a small smile, there’s Caleb. She returns his smile. 

“Ok, I can help clean up then?” She motions towards his desk, what happened? The question is on the tip of her tongue, but sees the loss in his eyes and swallows it. 

“Such a mess. No Jester, enjoy your day. I’ll clean up…. It’s my mess after all.” He tries to smile at her, not meeting her eyes, and her heart breaks a little. 

“I can help, it’s what friends are for,” she tries to smile, but he looks so broken, and she really doesn’t want to leave him like this. 

Caleb looks away, “No Jester” is all he says, but it was enough. 

“Oh, ok Caleb, I’ll just, I’ll just go then.” She wants him to ask her to stay, to change his mind about letting her help, anything that would help shake him out of this state, anything that allows her to stay and watch over him. 

“Ja, See you later, thanks for the food.” He starts cleaning up almost absent-mindedly. 

She leaves, not having reason to stay or anything else to say. She makes sure to close the door behind her. 

Now, should she go find Nott or leave him alone? He would probably like to be left alone, but she doesn’t think that’s the best option. She wants someone there with him, even if it’s not her. Maybe she’ll wait a dew minuets, then find Nott? Give him some time for composure. She worries her lower lip. No, Nott will know. She heads back to the kitchen to find Nott. 

Luckily, she is still there. Hester heads over, “Nott, can you follow me real quick?”

Nott looks at her a bit blurry eyed, “Sure Jessie” and gets up and follows her. 

“What’s up Jessie?”

They are in the hall now, “Well, Nott.” She is twisting her hands around, “It’s Caleb”

Not automatically starts panicking and heads towards the library. Jester reaches out and stoops her. “Wait Nott,” she positions herself so they are facing one another again. 

“But Caleb needs me!”

“Yes, he does, but I need you to listen first!” Notts eyes clear a little and Jester continues, “He’s not acting like himself, I startled him with breakfast, but he was sleeping on top of his notes, there was ink everywhere, he is missing his shirt and shoes, and he didn’t want any of my help!” She can’t help the pout at the end, she had such a good morning, but now, Caleb doesn’t want her around. She is worried, so is Nott. 

Nott just stands there, “There was ink everywhere?”

“Yes Nott, it was splashed on the desk, all over his book, on his face, on his jacket, just everywhere!” 

Notts eyes grow large, “Did he say why? Did Essek and him have a fight?”

Jesters heart drops at the mention of Essek, but that’s something to look at later, Caleb is important now, “he said something about a nightmare.”

Nott nods, “Ok, thanks Jester. I’ll… I’ll see what is going on.” Then Nott turns away and disappears into the library. 

Jester is left behind in the hallway, just her and her thoughts. She had forgotten about Essek. Had Essek done something? Is he the reason for Calebs appearance? For his reaction when she got close to his room? Is Essek in his room? Did he spend the night? Her mind starts going through different versions, a forbidden romance, a frantic coupling in the library, on top of his spell work? Forbidden knowledge turns into something else that makes Caleb so disheveled? Does Caleb love Essek?

Jester feels all the color in the world fade and deflates. There is nothing she can do if Caleb loves Essek. Nothing at all. She heads back to her room. She can’t blame Caleb for not returning her affections, especially when he doesn’t actually know. 

She grabs her sketchbook and heads up to sit by the tree and draw. Maybe inspiration will hit and she’ll know what to do.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Insomnia is a dick, but at least I did something with it. Enjoy the chapter.

Caleb is a mess. He’s always been one, but looking around it’s clear it's getting harder to hide it. He sits on his chair and looks at the mess he made. He must have passed out while writing. Ink is just everywhere. He squeezes the bridge of his noes, headache pounding. He sits and experiences the pain he deserves for a few seconds. 

He sighs as he gets back up to clean his area. The ink has soaked about half of his paper, and soaked into parts of the wood, but he tries to clean it up as much as possible. He stacks his papers, making two piles, one clean or usable, the other, ruined paper. So much money lost. 

He has to clean the puddles of ink… he goes to his room, fills a small bucket with water and grabs a rag, he pointedly ignores the mess of his bed. That is something to deal with later, much much later if he can help it. 

He returns to the library and starts mopping up the ink. It’s just another permanent reminder for him. Evidently he needs one to remind him that he destroys everything he touches. 

She just looked so concerned. He wanted so badly to reassure her, comfort her, but all he saw was fire, and all he heard were her screams. He scrubs, rinses, scrubs, rinses, scrubs. He wants that ink gone, maybe if he can get it out of the wood, he can pull himself together possibly fix something. 

This isn’t even his. The house is a loan, and he has ruined it, his cracks, his unstableness, his broken self all on display for everyone to see in these stains. 

Scrub, rinse, scrub, rinse, scrub…

“Caleb?”

Caleb almost jumps out of his skin, hands start ablaze, and he turns toward the threat and sees Nott. He extinguishes the flames once he recognizes her. 

Notts eyes are wide, afraid, and he feels even worse. “Nott, so….sorry, I’m sorry Nott, I’m….” Broken is all his mind will supply right now, and he really doesn’t want to say that, he knows he looks crazy, but man, Nott has been there since the beginning of this journey. He drops his arms, shoulders slump, and looks around, helpless. 

“Oh Caleb!” Nott runs closer to him and those her arms around him. 

The hug hits him like a ton of bricks, knocks the wind out of him, he flinches, but Nott just holds on. He melts, caves in on himself, lowers to the ground and hugs Nott back. Her hug tightens. 

They stay like that for a while. Caleb feels tears. Nott rubs his back and lets him cry. 

“Now now Caleb, there’s no reason to cry over spilt ink.”

Caleb cannot help the smile that comes to him, and sniffs. He leans back out of Notts hug. He tries really hard, but cannot seem to meet her eyes. 

Nott pulls a piece of fabric from her pocket and starts to wipe at his face, trying to clean him up a little. She’s so gentle, it makes him want to cry again. How could he have been so blind. Nott was obviously a mother. She’s many other things too, a wonderful friend, great ally, chemist, brave warrior, and wonderful, gentile, protective mother. 

He looks at her, opens his mouth, but doesn’t know what to say, so closes it again. Nott just smiles up at him understandingly. “There we go, all cleaned up.” She straightens out his jacket, ignoring his shirtless state, which really, he just noticed and turns red. Broken and scared… Jester saw his scars… “It’s alright Caleb” he watches Nott look around. He knows the mess he made, and is ashamed of himself. He feels Nott get up and can’t bring himself to watch the horror dawn on her face. She’s probably leaving him realizing how useless he is, how broken. 

She returns, plate of food in hand, and sits back down on the floor. “Here, Caleb, it’s important that you eat something.”

Emotion chokes him a little, and his stomach rumbles. He takes a piece of offered tofu, and eats it. The flavor invades his mouth and it is delicious. How Cad can get white much to taste this good is beyond him. Maybe the wild mother has something to do with it. 

He looks back to Nott who is smiling at him and offers more. He takes it. They continue this simple routine in silence until the plate is empty, and Nott looks extremely pleased. 

“That’s very good Caleb“ Nott gets bak up and puts the plate back where she got it. Then comes back over and looks him in the eye, “Lets get you all cleaned up, shall we?”

Caleb kind of wants to stay sitting there in the middle of the floor doing nothing, but, he doesn’t what to disappoint Nott. He slowly gets to his feet and allows Nott to lead him to his room and his water closet. She retrieves the bowl, and replaces the water, gets a clean cloth. 

Caleb feels useless, but lets Nott fuss, it feels good to have Nott fusing over his well being, she’s a great mother. 

Ok Caleb, here are some fresh, clean clothes, wash yourself up and put these on.”

Her face looks so hopeful, all he can do is take the offered clothes and nods. She looks pleased and leaves him be. 

“I’ll check on you in a few minutes.” The door closes. 

Caleb just stands there for a few seconds. She brought him his new clothes. The ones he bought to blend in, to look, well… nice, cleaner, not broken. 

He looks at himself. His feet are bare, slightly blue. Once identified, he starts to feel the cold. He flexes his toes, there is dried ink on his right foot. His pants are rumpled and not completely fastened. He feels a mild embarrassment, it’s dim, in the background, but he knows it will hit him full force soon. He has no shirt. Did he forget the shirt in his hurry last night, or was it jut not important. It doesn’t really matter at this point. He’s wearing his old jacket. All of his clothes are his old ones. The shabby ones… makes sense. 

He shrugs off his jacket, shimmies out of his pants and underclothes, folds them and puts them aside. His flesh is marred, his normal scars are there, will always be there. But now there are dark splotches of ink. He grabs the cloth, dunks it in water, and scrubs, rinses, scrubs, rinses, scrubs. 

Twenty minutes pass, and he hears Nott, “Caleb, how are things going? Everything ok, you can reply to this message.”

He snaps out of his routine and looks at himself. He has ruined some of his skin raw. “Almost done Nott” he replies. He washes his face and his hair and dresses in the clothes Nott provided. 

The cloth is fine, soft, too nice for him. Terrible people should not wear such nice things. He looks towards his old, dirty clothes. His fingers itch to go pick them up and change back into them. Those are the clothes he deserves. 

A knock at the door and flinches, hard. 

He opens the door revealing Nott. She is a bit flushed, but smiling, “There we go, come on, I’ll fix your hair.”

He steps out and looks around. The room is clean, bed made with fresh sheets. The window open for fresh air. He has a feeling the library is all clean too. He lets himself be led and moved until he was sitting on his bed. Nott behind him, brushing his hair. It is relaxing, feels nice. He closes his eyes in comfort, feeling Nott’s gentle tugs. She’s braiding his hair. He loves this familiarity. He doesn’t deserve a friend like Nott.”

She finishes up braiding and comes around to look at him, “There you go! So handsome!” He knows she is trying and appreciates it more than he can say. He smiles at her. 

“Thanks Nott” his voice is hoarser then he would like, but Nott looks pleased, so it’s ok. 

“Do you want to talk about it Caleb?”

Caleb feels the light breeze from the window, he thinks a little, he owes Nott some explanation. She has been so patient and kind. He knows she wouldn’t press if he remained silent, but he respects and loves her too much for that. 

“Uhh…” he coughs to clear his throat, “Well,” he pauses, how to tell, what to tell… “Well Nott, I had a really, uhh, restless night.” Nott is still looking at him. He gestures to the room, “Terrible nightmare that wouldn’t leave me, even now, it’s…. It’s there.” Fire and blue skin flash through his mind and he flinches. 

Nott nods as if she understands, and she might. She pats his hand, “Did everything go ok with Essek?” She turns away to fix some imaginary fault, giving him space to talk, comfort of not being watched. 

Essek was the last person she saw him with. Guess it makes sense to ask. “Uhh, yes. Essek gave me a new spell, all went as well as normal.” Excepting the almost kiss, but that has very little to do with, well, with his current state. 

“Oh… that’s good.” Notts nervous he realizes.

“Nott…” he begins and she looks at him. He holds out his arms, “All better, see?” He tries for a smile, knows it isn’t working. 

“Do you want to talk about the nightmare?”

“No, not really Nott, it was only a dream.” His inner voice scoffs at him, “But thank you Nott, really. Thank you.” Nott returns to his side and hugs him. He gratefully accepts it. 

“You’re welcome Caleb.”

She releases him, “Come on, time to leave the room and spend time with the weirdos.”

Caleb knows she’s right, “Caduces is probably making lunch by now.”

“And, after lunch, you should probably see Jester, she was really worried about you.”

Caleb momentarily freezes at the mention of Jester… he flashes back to how he mush have looked and cringes, “Ja, I think you may be right.”

They get up and leave, Caleb walking slowly so Nott can comfortably keep up. He was right, Nott had cleaned up in the library. 

“Nott?”

“Yes?” 

He doesn’t want to ask, but he wants to know. “Where are my sheets?”

Nott doesn’t make eye contact. “Washed and hanging outside to dry, along with the cloth used to clean all the ink. I was going to take your clothes when you were taking with Jester.”

Caleb just knows his face is red, old teenage embarrassment coming to the surface… “I can do my own laundry Nott…”

“You can!?!” Nott lovingly mocks then waves away his protest, “ I know you can Caleb, just didn’t think you would”

She’s not wrong. Its a way he punishes himself…

“ You have to take better care with yourself Caleb.”

“Ja… I know, I know Nott. I will make sure to wash my clothes before the day is done.”

“Ok, I’ll give you until tomorrow.” She agrees, he smiles and knows she will check first thing tomorrow morning. 

They make their way to the kitchen, and Caduceus is there making everyone lunch. Everyone is there, but, well, but Jester. 

“Good Morning.” Cad Greets, 

“Ja… good afternoon,” the others still look a little hungover. 

“They haven’t moved much since breakfast.” Cad informs him, Beau gives him the middle finger, Fjord seeing Beau pinches her. 

“Cad won’t give us food if you’re mean to him Beau.” Fjord sounds terrible, Caleb feels a little pleased at that, then scolds himself for it. 

“ He’s being judgie” She complains

“ But he’s making us food”

“Yeah… ok” she lifts her head, “Sorry Cad”

Caduceus just smiles, “Yeah, I know”

“Would you like any assistance?” He asks Cad 

“Ohh, Mr. Caleb, that would be wonderful. There are some mushrooms that need chopping.” 

Caleb nods and gets to work. Chop, chop, chop, yes, he can do this, it’s a good distraction. He finishes the mushrooms and Caduceus points towards others to cut, and he does. Everything gets chopped when Cad points to it, he feels helpful and that clears his head a little. He suspects that is the reason Cad said he could help. 

“Thank you Caleb” Caduceus says in his usual tone, “There is one more thing”

“Of Coarse”

Caduceus plates a meal and gives it to Caleb, “Jester is by the tree, maybe return her favor.”

Caleb takes the plate and starts to ask for a second when Cad hands him another and gestures him away. 

Nott jumps up to help Cad serve when Caleb leaves the kitchen. 

Caleb makes his way up to the tree. Sometimes he forgets how observant he is, and wonders, not for the first time, what all he knows and if he knew before Caleb did… Actually, now that he thinks about it, Caleb is almost certain Caduceus knew his feelings for Jester before he did. He feels a little appreciation that Cad hasn’t told anyone or tried to make it his business, but there is also apprehension. IF Cad knows this, what else has Caleb given away? 

Damn, he is nervous, he was a mess this morning, still is, but at least he doesn’t look it. He sees flames along the edges of his vision, stops, breathes with his eyes closed, then opens them. The flames are gone and he continues. Too soon he’s exiting the building. 

“Umm… Jester?” He calls… he looks further, “Jester?” Where is she? He hears a noise above him and looks up. 

There she is, she has closed her sketchbook and is climbing down from the branch she was perched on. He puts their lunches down and goes to help her down. 

“I am behind you if you fall” he lets her know. 

She makes it down without needing any help. He didn’t think she would, she is amazing, but he wouldn’t forgive himself if something did happen. He watches as she dusts herself off, then remembers why he is there and retrieves their lunch. 

“Caduceus asked me to bring you lunch.”

Jester is just looking at him. Considering how she left him, he shouldn’t be surprised. He allows himself to look at her too. She is just so beautiful, full of life, joy, and well, Jester. He smiles a bit when he notices the graphite smear on her cheek, undoubtedly from an idle itch with her graphite covered fingers. He looks down at her fingers, yes, there it is. He mentally shakes himself and puts the food down to give himself something to do, and possibly not embarrass himself further today. 

“Nott, umm… braided my hair.” He says and then mentally kicks himself. His goal was to not embarrass himself again, He takes a deep steadying breath, and then sits to start eating. 

That seems to snap Jester out of whatever she was thinking because she joins him.

“I can identify Notts work anywhere!” Jester starts on her lunch, “Feeling better?”

Caleb can feel her hesitance and uncertainty if she should breach the topic. He is nervous too, “Well, getting there.”

“You look better” she says with a smile. 

He laughs a little laugh, self deprecating, “It’s hard not to”

“I’m glad I got Nott” she says, mostly to herself, but he smiles anyway. 

They finish their lunch companionably, enjoying the fresh air. He looks around himself and takes a moment to really be present. It’s a beautiful night, even though he knows it’s still day, it looks like night, The spelled jars are flickering, casting slow shadows. He can smell Cads flowers in the air, feels Jester across from him. He looks over at her and has to look quickly away, she is just so, so, Jester. 

“Why were you in the tree?” He hears himself question. 

Jester grins at him, “It’s got a good view for sketching,” She looks around like he had a little earlier. “Plus it’s really pretty.”

“Ja… very pretty.” he says, looking directly at her, he feels his face soften as his eyes linger, the small voice in his head comes to the forefront, ‘watch it Widogast’, he clears his throat bringing him back to himself, “I have some things I have to finish, you know, cleaning.” He gets up and collects their empty plates. “I’ll take these back down stairs.”

“Ok, glad to see you feeling and doing better.”

He turns and looks at her, “Thank you Jester. I… I am sorry to have worried you… but thank you.” He makes his way back downstairs, just now noticing his blush. Has he been acting this way the ENTIRE time and just been oblivious. He just shakes his head, entering the kitchen. 

He helps Caduceus clean up while the others were shoo’d out of the room and told to sleep. 

“Jester thanks you for the lunch.” He tells Caduceus, and he is not lying, he knows she is grateful. She didn’t have to say it out loud. 

Caduceus smiles, “That’s nice, I will see her soon. Some gardening I would like to do.”

“You can go now, if you would like, I can finish here.” 

“And leave you alone Mr. Caleb? Oh no, I can wait until we finish here. 

Caleb is grateful for Cads calming energy and they finish up cleaning the kitchen, 

“Well, guess my plants are waiting, have a good evening”

“Yes, you too.” He says as Cad leaves. He stands in the kitchen for a little. It’s empty now, but he can still feel them. Not for the first time, he hopes he doesn’t fuck it up. 

There are clothes to clean before Nott can get to them. His face blazes, he doesn’t want Nott to see anymore, get anymore of a clue as to what happened. The sheets were more than enough. There is no reason to add his small clothes to the mix. Face blazing he makes his way to his room to rake care of things as soon as possible. 

Jester likes Rosanna, likes the house they were gifted, but she really wishes it wasn’t night ALL THE TIME. She understands why, But still. It would be really nice to see the sun rise. 

She settles comfortably on the trees branches. She started on the ground, but got bored. She’s restless after this morning’s encounter, wants to go back and help, but Nott’s on the case. She knows Nott understands Caleb, can take care of him how he needs to be taken care of. A pang of hurt hits her heart. 

He was just so sad, so vacant. 

Her mind wanders back to the question of Essek. She was going to accept it, if Caleb really did love Essek, but now? If Essek is the reason for what she saw down there, ohh that drow is going to have one angry tiefling on his hands. And a goblin, Nott would never stand for her boy being so mistreated. Honestly, all of the nein would be out for his blood. They are a family now, he would have no where to run to. This thought does calm her mind a little. 

She finds herself sketching the many ways she would hut Essek. It oddly makes her feel better. Revenge on those who hurt her squishy wizard. She starts to add pictures of the old wizard who caused those scars to her impressive display of torture options. 

The scars though. There were so many more than she thought there were. For some reason, she thought that only his arms were afflicted…. But his torso. She didn’t see his back, but knows they are there too. 

She looks up into the darkened sky. Some cleric she is… all that pain, and nothing she can do about it. Wait…. “Traveler?” She speaks into the open void, “how do I heal that type of wound?” She sits there in silence. If there is a way, the traveler would know of it. 

“Some wounds cannot be healed from the outside.” 

She quickly locates the source, and there he is, on the branch next to her. “You came.” She smiles,. She missed seeing him, “I missed you. You should visit more often, you know.”

“Child, I come when I can, but am always close”

“Is there a way I can heal him, from, you know, what was done in his past that leaves all those scars?”

There is a long pause and Jester fidgets, twirling her pencil through her fingers.

“You really care for him”

Jester nods and feels his hand take hers. 

“Noting I can offer you would be… appreciated by the wizard. His past is too steeped in nonconsensual magic for any of it to be of any real help. He would see it as a violation.”

Jester feels her shoulders slump. 

“I am sorry I cannot help you further with this.”

“Well, you know…” she starts but doesn’t know how to finish her sentence. 

“Don’t be sad, child. I do believe you already have everything you would need to ensnare the wizard, if he is what you want”

Jester looks up at him, “I… I don’t understand.”

“With a little patience you will” The traveler lets go of Jesters hands and smiles as he puts one hand on her cheek. “You are the exact opposite of his past. There is a certain type of magic in who you are, Jester. It’s one of the reasons I choose you, and it is one of the reasons he stays.”

“Traveler.” She says with a smile.

“It’s true. Have you thought more of where to have my meeting?”

“Ohh, well, not so much. I want it to be really cool.”

“I am sure you will think of something.”

“I will! And it will be the best!”

She hears a small chuckle, “I am sure it will be. Don’t be too sad, all will work out and if it doesn’t, I will always be here for you.” 

On the last word, he fades into nothings and Jester stares into the space he just vacated. 

She sighs and goes back to her sketchbook. She sketches Frumpkin cuddling with Caleb, licking his fingers. She draws Caleb, a small smile on his face. She sketches him in the outfit she just saw him in, his jacket, no shirt, pants undone, but changes it a little. Instead of the scared look on his face, and tension in his body, she draws him half lidded, mouth open, and perched on the edge of his desk as if he wants her to be looking at him. She feels her face heat at the image and turns the page. She chastises herself a little for sexualizing an encounter that had no business being sexualized and goes back to sketching. Sprinkle comes out and joins her for a bit. 

She looses track of time when in Rosanna, and finds herself dozing a little when she hears the door open. 

“Umm…Jester?” 

Her eyes immediately find him below her and her breath hitches. Nott did a great job at helping him clean up. His hair is tied back in a braid, face clean, no sign of spilt ink anywhere. He is wearing his new clothes, which… well they look fantastic on him. They actually fit for one, which is already a big improvement, but they are clean and fresh, and deeply colored. Molly would lave loved them, even though they were still much too tame for their departed fortune teller. They were a proud wizards clothes, not the clothes of an ashamed man trying to hide. She loves it.

Jester feels her breathing shallow. She starts to descend the tree, and slips a little, still too focused on Caleb. She knows she made sound that drew his attention. She tears her eyes away from him so he doesn’t catch her practically drooling and continues climbing down. She feels him coming close.

“I am behind you if you fall” he lets her know. 

She can’t help but smile. Caleb always lets her know where he is just so he doesn’t startle her. It makes her feel seen in a way, maybe even a little special. She makes her way down, and idly thinks about ‘slipping’ just so he would have to touch her to help her, but pushes that out of her mind. She doesn’t want to accidentally hurt them both in some foolish attempt to make contact. She reaches the bottom, turns to him, and then brushes any vegetation off of herself.

“Caduceus asked me to bring you lunch.” He says. 

Jester looks up, and all words leave her brain. Damn, she thought he looked good from in the tree, up close is almost too much. She knew Caleb was handsome, it wasn’t something he could hide in his shabby, tattered clothing. She has even told him that he was handsome. But here. Now. Alone in the darkness of an artificial night, large tree behind her with spelled jars casting a soft light, his hair meticulously combed and braided, his clothes washed, pressed and fitting, he is breathtaking. She knows she is staring, but she just cannot look away. 

“Nott, umm… braided my hair.” He says, hands coming up to rub at the back of his neck nervously. He looks away from her, remembers that the put the food down and goes to it to sit and start eating. 

He’s even good looking from the back….“I can identify Notts work anywhere!” Jester starts, trying to keep her thoughts from straying. She starts her food, after a few minuets of eating, she looks up at him nervously, remembering him from this morning. “Feeling better?”

Caleb coughs a little then looks up at her, “Well, getting there.”

“You look better” she says with a smile. 

He laughs a little laugh, “It’s hard not to”

Jester finds herself agreeing with him. He was such a mess, and so sad looking. He does look much better. His hands are steady, his movements strong. There is no ink anywhere and his eyes look clearer than they did earlier. “I’m glad I got Nott” she says, mostly to herself, but then realizes he probably heard her and glances up at his reaction. He is smiling a little… that’s good. 

They finish their lunch companionably, enjoying the small breeze. She does look up at him every so often. The transformation that happened in just a few hours was amazing. He looked steadier, not 100% back to normal, but pretty close to it. 

“Why were you in the tree?” He asks

Jester grins at him, “It’s got a good view for sketching,” The daylight spell on a  
few of the jars start to flicker out as others start up. “Plus it’s really pretty.” She looks around as she says it. ‘It’s also a bit romantic’ her mind supplies. 

“Ja… very pretty.” 

Jester looks at him, his voice took on a very soft quality to it, if she didn’t know better, she would think he was flirting with her. 

He clears his throat, “I have some things I have to finish, you know, cleaning.” He gets up and collects their empty plates. “I’ll take these back down stairs.”

She doesn’t want him to go, there might have been something there. “Ok, glad to see you feeling and doing better.” 

He turns and looks at her, and her breath hitches again, “Thank you Jester. I… I am sorry to have worried you… but thank you.” He turns and makes his way back into the house. 

All she can do is stare after him until he disappears, then lays her head down on her arms and tries to breathe. 

“Everything ok there, Jester?” Caduceus asks as he spots her. 

Jester lifts her head, hoping that her blush has faded by now, “Hi Caduceus! Thank you for lunch! It was delicious.” She smiles brightly and Cad looks pleased. 

“Caleb already passed on your thanks, but it’s good to hear again.” He says as he goes over to his plants for tending. 

Caleb passed on her thanks? Well that was nice of him. 

“Would you like any help Caduceus?”

“Ohh, that would be nice”

Jester hops up from where she was sitting, leaving her art supplies behind, and runs over to Caduceus for instructions. She likes helping cad in his garden. He gives her instruction and shows her what goes where and what plants he is trying to cultivate, which ones need water, and which ones need kind words. She happily gets to work, humming along the way.

“Hey Cad?”

“Yes, Jester?”

“How is everyone feeling, I wasn’t at lunch, so I am not sure if everyone is in tip top shape yet, or well, not.”

Caduceus chuckles a bit, “they will feel better tomorrow morning. Nott has shaken free of the intoxication. Beau is the only other one who is working her way out of it. Fjord, Yeza, and Yasha are still nursing headaches and trying to keep their world quiet.” 

Jester laughs. She loves her friends. 

“Caleb seems to be working his way out too.” Cad adds. 

That makes Jester stop laughing and look over at her fellow cleric. “What do you mean? Did he tell you about his nightmare?”

“Ohh, no, Mr Caleb had a nightmare?”

“Yeah, that’s what took him so long this morning, I found him… well… he was still suffering from it when I brought him breakfast.”

“That explains Notts worry and pride.”

“Yeah, I got her when I didn’t know what to do.” 

“No, I didn’t mean a nightmare, he came out to the bar for a few minuets last night, drank a lot in the little amount of time he was there, then left.”

This struck Jester as odd, he was there? She didn’t see him. Why did he leave? Was he lying about the nightmare? Was he too embarrassed to say he was hungover? All she could say was, “Really?”

“Yeah” Cad looks over to her and notices her distress, “but he looks to be over the worst of it.” Cad finishes with a goofy smile. 

“Yeah, he does look to be feeling much better.” Somewhere along their conversation, Jester stopped working. She looks down at her spot and picks the next few seeds up and continues planting. She feels Caduceus’s eyes still on her, and tries not to act weird. She wishes momentarily that she had Cad’s power of perception. He seems to want to say something, but then decides not to and goes back to work. 

Jester does what Cad asked a little absent-mindedly as she tries to reconstruct last night to see if maybe something else set Caleb on his earlier path of self destruction. Her mind keeps going back to Essek mistreating Caleb. Maybe Essek tried to force himself on Caleb, and Caleb ran from the house to find his friends and drown his sorrows? No, that doesn’t seem right, for either or them really. Maybe he was trying to clear his head a little from all the spells? Caleb, not want spells in his head? That doesn’t sound right. Why didn’t he say hi. 

Jester catches herself pouting. 

“Cad, I think I have these finished.” She looks over to Caduceus who gets up to inspect them. 

He looks them over and nods, “ They look great Jester!” He pats her on her shoulder. “I think we are finished here today, I am just going to talk to these over here and then talk to the wild mother a little.”

“Ok, sounds great!” She says as she gets up and retrieves her sketchbook. It is getting a little chilly out, so she heads into the house.

She makes her way to her room with Beau so she can clean up a little and stash her sketchbook out of the way. She opens the door as quietly as she can and peeks in, no ones there. She opens it fully and steps inside, closing the door behind her. She sits down on her bed to take her shoes and socks off, idly flipping though the days sketches. She likes days when she can just sketch. She reaches her drawing of Caleb, looking almost debauched and stills her flipping. She stares at it a bit, then closes her sketchbook, a small blush staining her cheeks. 

She heads to the water closet to clean up a bit. She looks at her hands and they are a mixture of dirt and graphite. She looks down at her dress , it is soiled as well, but she has others. She gathers the clean water and the soap, undresses, and starts to clean herself. Her mind keeps wandering to Caleb. She feels her skin heat up slowly and closes her eyes. At first she is just thinking about how good he looked in his new outfit while revealing in the feeling of the warm soapy water across her skin. That daydream turns into Caleb washing her. It’s his hands that are dipping the sponge in water and wringing it out. His hands that are soapy and roaming over her, washing the dirt off of her. His eyes on her making sure all the dirt is gone. 

Her heart starts to beat a little faster. She imagines Calebs lips following the clean sponge that rinses the soap off of her. His soft kisses trailing across her skin. She bites her lower lip to stay quiet. She abandons the sponge all together and trails her fingers over herself imagining that they are Calebs. He is behind her, lips agains her neck, hands roaming over her body. She leans against the wall as her hands trail to her breasts, cupping them, messaging them. Her breath hitches in her chest and she pinches and rolls a nipple between her fingers. Her other hand trails down her stomach and starts to play with her labia, twisting in the hair found there. She places one leg high on the counter for better access and moves her attention to her other nipple, head leaning back against the wall. 

She imagines Caleb mouthing at her neck, rutting against her backside with his swollen cock, as he explores her further. She parts her labia and is dripping. Her back arches off the wall as she plays with her clitoris. Fingers deft against it, pleasure starts to roll through her. She doesn’t want to end quite yet, so she backs off and moves further back. Her hips are grinding into her fingers slightly and she imagines him reaching further down as he latches on to her neck with his teeth, nibbling up to her ear. She imagines his clever fingers entering her as she does so with her own. She starts slowly pumping her finger in and out of herself, feeling the pleasure start to build a little. She imagines Caleb whispering filthy things in her ear, his accent getting thicker as he grinds against her, cock weeping precum over her backside. She continues to abuse her breasts and nipples as she thrusts a second finger into herself. She is biting her lower lip to stifle any noises she might be making. Her tail is curled around her leg, just holding on. 

She imagines Caleb bending her over and lining himself up with her entrance. She bends over the counter, bracing herself with one arm and continues to thrust into herself with her other. Her face is in the crook of her elbow, mouth now biting the skin on her forearm. The pleasure is building and she rocks faster back onto her own fingers. 

She imagines Caleb grabbing her hips, pulling her back onto him, her being so full and craving more of him. She imagines him leaning over her, panting into her ear, kissing her neck and her back as he plows into her. 

She is so close rocking back and forth on her fingers, bending them to hit that spot inside of her just right. She thrusts her fingers, crooks them. She is lying her head on the counter now, using her other hand to rub her clit. It’s not much longer before she is exploding in pleasure, mind going white as electricity invades every nerve ending, leaving her breathless, panting for air. She feels herself undulating around her fingers as the pleasure rolls through her. Hips still moving back and forth a tiny bit. 

She stills, catches her breath, and removes her fingers. The small amount of friction there sends another wave through her. She hears herself let out a small moan, and quickly goes to stifle it with her other hand. She doesn’t think she was caught, but figures she better hurry just in case. She cleans herself up quickly, dresses in clean clothes, and dumps the water. She looks over the place to make sure there is no further evidence. When she is satisfied, she walks out of the water closet, old clothes in hand. No one is there waiting, she sighs a sigh of relief and almost runs back to her room. Once in, she puts her clothes with the few other dirty ones, and then lies down on her bed. Her eyes close, and she falls fast asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Nein get a mission from the Bright Queen
> 
> Caleb overhears a private moment, goes shopping, and has a private moment of himself. 
> 
> Jester gets good news.

Caleb makes short work of cleaning his clothes of any and all evidence of the previous night. He really should learn prestidigitation, it would make this much easier, and have a lot less embarrassment about it. 

He tries to shake himself of his embarrassment by going to the library and working on that spell he had ruined the previous night. He tries his hardest to forget the way that Jester looked at him when they were by the tree. She was beautiful and looking at him like he meant something to her. His heart leaps at the thought and he stuffs the thoughts back down and tries to focus on his spell. An hour and a half go by, and he is really only a quarter of the way through it. His mind keeps wandering, first to their meal by the tree, then to his dream of them dancing, back up under the stars, then back to soft touches and gasps. It’s just useless. His mind keeps supplying him with images and sounds that are making his face heat and his cock throb in interest. 

He gets up and pushes away from his desk. He looks down at himself. “You get nothing after last night.” He needs something to do or the renewed interest will have him in his clean sheets, mucking them up again. He curses and looks around. What can he do? He can’t study right now, his brain won’t let him… he looks over his desk, over his lowered supply of ink, his paltry pile of usable paper. Yep, he needs more, he needs to go shopping. It will get him into public where he will have no urge to thrust his hand into his pants. Yep, shopping. 

He grabs his coat and exits the library. He finds Nott in the kitchen. “Hi Nott” he calls. 

She turns to look towards him, “Hello Caleb.” She says. 

Caleb stops to see what she is doing…”Nott, what are you cooking?”

Nott smiles, “Yeza and some of the others are still hungover, I guess we haven’t gone drinking in a while, I was even a little tipsy last night!” She laughs, “I am making them a hangover remedy that my dad taught me.” She goes back to stirring her pot, then looks back up at him, “Did you want something Caleb, I can stop and pick it back up later?”

“No, Nott. I was just checking to see if you wanted me to pick anything up. I ruined most of my paper, and, well, spilt most of my ink. I was going to go out and pick some more up before dinner.” He stays by the door. Whatever Nott is cooking up smells terrible. 

Nott thinks for a little while. “I don’t need anything right now Caleb. You could check to see if Jester would like to go. I think I remember her saying something about being low on graphite?”

“Ok Nott, I will check.” He turns to go, but then reruns his gaze to Nott. “Please don’t poison our friends with that.”

Nott fakes being offended, “CALEB! I cannot believe that you would even accuse me of that!” Her hand goes up to feign swooning. She is only able to hold that for a few seconds and then laughs, “Don’t worry, the weirdos are safe.”

Caleb finds himself laughing a little, “Ok, I’ll be back soon” and he departs the kitchen. He thinks for a second about leaving without asking Jester if she would like him to pick something up for her… or go with him. He was leaving the house so he is not tempted… bringing Jester along would be almost against the reason he is going out to begin with. But, but, he knows if he doesn’t, Nott will inevitably say something and then Jester will be sad, and possibly hurt. Caleb cannot allow himself to be the source of her sadness. He turns and heads up the stairs to see if she is available. 

He heads out to the tree first and sees Cad talking to his plants, but no Jester. He doesn’t want to disturb Cads, conversation? He looks into the branches one last time to see if he missed her, and then heads towards her room. 

He gets to her door, but it is closed. He stands outside it, hesitant to knock. He stands there for a few minuets, trying to gather the courage to knock on her bedroom door. It’s silent in the hallway. Maybe she is sleeping? He wouldn’t want to wake her up to go get paper. 

He hears a thud and turns to look for its source. He hears another thud and goes towards it. It seems to be coming from the water closet? He starts to ask if everything is alright when he hears a moan. He feels his body react faster than his mind can catch up. His eyes burn, his mouth goes dry, his breath shallows, and his dick hardens. He stands frozen to the spot when his mind supplies him with, ‘It’s Jester in there,’ and he knows it’s true. She moans again, and it only confirms it. He is so turned on he has to rest his head on the wall to catch his breath, eyes closed trying to focus on his breathing, trying to get the blood back in his brain, where it belongs. He hears another light thump and then a small grunt and it makes his cock jump. If he doesn’t get out of this hallway now, he might do something he is going to regret. 

He pushes himself away from the wall and walks as quickly as he can towards the stairs. His erection is impeding his progress, but he is refusing to acknowledge it’s existence. It’s remained quiet and dormant for years, and picks NOW to take interest in his life. ‘Fucker’ he thinks as he reaches the bottom of the stairs and heads directly outside. 

He closes the house door behind him and feels the cool night air hit his face. He leans his full body against the door and tries to catch his breath. His mind keeps replaying the sounds of her pleasure. He tries to block them out by closing his eyes, but that only makes it worse because his mind then supplies pictures. He stares up at the sky, willing his body to calm down. He wants to touch himself, he wants to run back into that house, back up those stairs and throw open that door to join her. 

“stop.” He tells himself. “Stop” he says a bit stronger and louder. He bangs his head back onto the door to try and force some sense into it. 

“Is everything ok Caleb?”

Caleb almost jumps out of his skin. He looks up, wide-eyed as he tries to angle himself so that his erection isn’t obvious. It’s Shadowhand Essek. 

“Ummm…. Ja… Hello Shadowhand, umm” he clears his throat, “What. Ahh. What can I do for you this evening? We…we didn’t have a lesson, did we?” Caleb is trying hard to go though his brain for any reason for the Shadowhands appearance. Wasn’t our next lesson next week?

“No, Caleb, there was no lesson scheduled” the shadow hand takes another step forward, looking concerned. “The Bright Queen asked me to inform the Nein that they are wanted for a meeting with her tomorrow morning.” He looks Caleb up and down. “Are you sure you are feeling well?”

Momentary terror floods Caleb at the mention of the Bright Queen, until he remembers that they are allies. He catches himself before any of that terror shows in his eyes. It is enough, however to kill his erection. He is mildly grateful for that. He takes a deep breath and steadies himself.

“Ja, Essek. I am fine. You startled me a little, is all” He meets his eyes, “The Bright Queen wishes to see us?” 

Esseks face calms, concern fading. “Yes Caleb. There is a mission of sorts that she wishes you complete. I don’t know what the mission is, but she would like to see you around 10am.” He hands Caleb a piece of paper, “This will get the nein to her with little issue.” 

Caleb moves aside and opens the door to their house. “Please come in Essek, you can tell the rest of the Nein.” 

The Shadowhand moves into the doorway, making sure to brush him as he passes. Caleb shivers from the contact and his eyes close for a second. When they open, the shadowhand gives Caleb a borderline wicked smile, then continues in. Caleb follows, face red, he was being too hopeful to think that all the embarrassment was done for the day. 

“Please, wait here while I find the others” Caleb says as he disappears in the kitchen. He locates Nott exactly where she was when he left her. Nott looks up at him, “ the Shadowhand has a request from the Bright Queen, help me get the others” he says as he pulls his wire out and aims it up. “I’ll get Caduces”

“Ok, I got Fjord”

They both start sending their messages to all of the nein to meet by the library, Shadowhand Essek needs to see them. 

“Fjords on his way, so is Beau.” Nott tells him, “I’ll get Yasha, You message Jester” and she starts off to Yasha before Caleb can even reply. 

He takes a deep breath and starts the messaging spell, praying to the gods that she has completed what she was doing, “Jester, it’s Caleb. The Shadowhand has a message for us from the Bright Queen, please meet by the library if you are able.” 

He waits for her confirmation a few seconds and then hears a sleepy Jester reply, “mmmm, Caleb? hmmm.” And then nothing but a light snore. It was enough for his cock to show a little interest, but he is pretty sure she is sleeping now. 

“I don’t think Jester will be joining us, she seems to be sleeping” he notifies Nott as they walk out of the kitchen together to see everyone gathering. 

The shadowhand informs his friends that the Bright Queen would like to see them all tomorrow, she had a quest for them. That he doesn’t know much more, but he is sure it’s nothing to worry about. He then excuses himself with a bow looking directly at Caleb, and says he regretfully must leave, there is a lot he is expected to complete. He stops at the door, and asks to speak to Caleb. The nein all shoot him looks, some seem to congratulate him on a new friend, others are outright dirty, complete with wiggling eyebrows and gestures. He sighs and follows Essek out the front door. 

“I am sorry Shadowhand for, well, for my friends.” 

“you need not apologize Caleb.” He says with a smile. “I wanted to let you know that I had talked to the Bright Queen about your request.”

“You did, I wasn’t expecting you to ask the Bright Queen, umm… what.. what did she say?” Caleb is nervous and his hands are sweating. 

Essek smiles at Caleb, “She has granted access to one of our teleportation sigils, I am sure you will be shown the sigil tomorrow after your meeting.” 

Caleb can barely believe what he is hearing! He can take Jester home to see her mom, and get back to Rosana. At most it would take two days! “Thank you Essek” he says with a smile. 

Essek’s jaw drops a little, but his eyes light up and he smiles back, “You’re welcome. If I knew that was all I deeded to do to make you smile like this, I would have done it sooner.” Essek moves closer. 

Caleb flushes at the attention. The last few days have been a lot for his emotional state to deal with. He knows that he is going to have to deal with the Essek situation sooner or later. He shouldn’t string the man along. “ummm.” He looks away shyly. 

Essek seems to understand and steps back, “Where were you headed off to?”

“Ohh, uhhh, I was going to buy some more paper and ink. I, umm.. I accidentally spilled my ink, and it rendered some of my paper useless. I wanted to go and stock up, it seems like I choose a good time, we may be gone tomorrow.”

“I will leave you to it then. I tend to visit Shadows hearth. If you go, mention me, you might be able to obtain a small discount.” Essek turns and starts walking away. 

“Thank you, again”

Essek looks back and stops, “Our fashions here in Rosana suit you.” He smiles and then continues down the path. 

Caleb stands there for a little longer, watching the shadowhands form recede from view, then looks down at himself. Perhaps their fashion does suit him, or maybe it is just because he is clean and in well fitting clothes. Jester seemed to like his new clothes too. He checks to see if he has his coin purse and then continues out into the city to locate this “shadows hearth”. He will need paper and ink if their mission is a long one. It will be good to go out on a mission, less time to be alone with his thoughts. 

Caleb eventually comes across the shop that Essek suggested and enters. It is expensive looking, but all magic shops tend to be. He walks in and just breathes the air. There is always a certain smell that accompanies magic shops, a mixtures of paper, spices, and flame. It is instantly calming. He smiles, looking around. 

There is an impressive array of magic items that he browses. Noting is labeled with any sort of price, so he dares not touch anything, but he keeps browsing. 

He hears someone clear their throat and turns around, “Hello… sir, how may I help you?”

The man is an older, handsome drow. He is standing straight, not a wrinkle visible on his clothing, and when he moves, it’s slow and deliberate. 

“umm, yes, hello.” Caleb starts. “I am Caleb Widogast, I was suggested this shop by Shadowhand Essek Tyales.”

The older gentleman stands straighter at the mention of Essek. Powerful ally indeed. “Hello Mr. Widogast, I am Minolin, this is my shop.” His hand gestures gracefully to indicate the entire room. “Is there something specific you were looking for?”

Caleb smiles and moves closer, “Umm.. yes, I am looking for both paper and ink made for the transcription of magical spells.” He looks around, “and possibly a potion of healing.” 

“The basics then?”

“Ja, the basics.”

Minolin goes about and collects what Caleb wanted as Caleb looks around little. The store has a few things that look really interesting. There are cloaks of invisability, potions of invincibility, lockets of second chances, boots of haste. They are all very tempting and Caleb things he should take the rest here before they leave on whatever mission might be asked. 

“Mr Widogast, I have what you requested”

Caleb goes over and then is hit with inspiration, “Uhh, I do have another question. Umm… do you have any… interesting art supplies?”

“Interesting art supplies?”

“Ja, uhh, I have a friend who has paints that when used, turns the paining into something material. Uhh, maybe not exactly like that, but… something like a never ending piece of graphite or a never ending skechbook?” Caleb starts to fidget a little. 

Minolin thinks for a little, “No, I do not think we have anything that would fit your descriptions. There is not a much of a demand I am afraid. I can enchant something if you would like.”

Caleb nods, “I think I would like that, possibly a piece of graphite that never runs out. I will see if I can find something to purchase in the town, and then bring it back to you.” He smiles a little, trying to think of a good place to get the supplies. She will be so happy. Just picturing her delight makes Calebs insides flip. “Ummm, also, do you happen to have the spell prestidigitation? Or, what might be better, an item one can use to cast it?”

This request makes the store owner think again. “Prestidigitation? hmmm…” 

Caleb tries his best not to blush. It could be used for multiple things, and even if he is just using it to clean, there is no way the owner could possibly know what he was cleaning. 

Minolin comes back to Caleb with a small wand. “This has the spell in it and can be used 3 times within a 24 hour day. It costs 100gp.”

Caleb takes the offered wand and thinks about it. If the last 24 hours are any indication in what life is becoming… “Yes, I think that would be fine.” He puts it on the counter next to his other purchases. 

“Of coarse, Mr Widogast. That would be 200 gp for the paper and ink, 100 gp for the wand and an extra 50 gp for the healing potion. However”

Caleb holds his breath for a second, “However?”

“If what I hear about you is true, and considering you are a human from the empire walking freely around rosana, and have the favor of the shadowhand and the Bright Queen.” Minolin retrieves a potion of greater healing and puts it on the counter. “I will add this for no charge to you.” 

Caleb was going to try and haggle, but, not now, “uhh… Thank you” he bows his gratitude a little and digs in his purse. He counts out 350 gp and hands it to the shop keep. “Thank you.” He doesn’t know what else to say. 

“You are welcome Mr. Widogast, please pass my regards on to the Shadowhand.”

“Ja, of coarse.” Caleb takes the items offered and leaves the shop. 

‘Very powerful ally.’ Caleb says to himself. A few days ago, that knowledge would have been very welcome. Today, well he doesn’t know yet if he can betray his heart that way. He’s done it before though, so maybe he can. 

Caleb walks the town a little until he comes across a bookshop, and smiles. He hasn’t gotten a message from Nott yet, asking for him to come back, so he ducks inside the bookshop. Bookshops are blessed things, really. They also have a certain smell. All that paper and binding. He walks further into he bookshop and, when no one can see him, casts detect magic. He continues walking around trying to see if he senses anything. You never know, there might be something of use. By time his spell runs out, he knows there is nothing of interest here. He starts to head back out, but then is stopped. Out of the corner of his eyes, there is a series of books, well, a series of smut. The cover illustrations are just, just his type. 

He makes sure no one is looking and picks one up. The cover depicts a scantily clad teifling woman, her skin is gray, long black hair, turquoise eyes, and ample bosom. Her clothes consist of a corset that she is spilling out of, and ripped skirt that shows wonderfully shaped thighs. His pulse quickens a little, the woman is clutching a muscular human man to her, his shirt open and billowing, very shapely ass tilted to be captured full on. His hair is red. He feels his hands tighten on the book, swallows and scans the other novels’ covers. 

They are all by one author. This particular author seems to always have the female protagonist be a teifling, sometimes gray skinned, sometimes red skinned, and some have purple skin, he notices with a little disappointment, he sees none with blue. The male counterpart seems to change. There are drows, an orc or two, a teifling, an elf, even a dragonborn. There are a few where the woman is with other women too, he picks up the book where the teifings lover is a red headed man before he can stop himself. He also picks up one where she has purple skin but her lover is a blond haired elven wizard. He stands there for a second or two just looking at them in his hands. They are telling. If someone went snooping and found them… they would know. It’s a risk. His hands are shaking a tiny bit, and a wave of want flows through him. He heads straight to the shop owner, and pays as quickly as he can. The drow woman looks at him like she wants to comment, like she knows, but lets him leave her shop without saying anything. Caleb stuffs the three books into his bag, under his paper. 

He heads straight for home, and is caught by the smell of the bakery. He pops in and obtains 10 bear claws, with cinnamon, and tells himself it;’s for the neins dessert tonight, before they have their mission. 

When he gets home, there is no one around. He heads straight to the library, puts his paper and ink where they belong on his desk, then heads straight to his room to hide the books. He puts the wand next to his bed and tries not to think of either. He heads back out and goes to the kitchen. Cad looks to be finishing up dinner. 

“hello Caduceus”

“Caleb.” 

“I, uhh, I bought the Nein some dessert.” He holds up the bag of bear claws. 

“Ahh, that’s nice” Cad takes the bag and sets it over by the stove. “Dinner is almost ready.”

“Ahh, thank you Caduceus, but I am not very hungry right now. I have to finish that spell before tomorrows meeting.”

Caduceus smiles and nods, “Ok, I will let the others know that you are working hard and to not bother you.” He hands him a cup of tea, “Happy studying.”

“th… thank you.” Caleb takes the offered tea and watches as Caduceus goes back to dinner. He smells it, it is warm and minty smelling. He takes it back to the library. 

Putting his tea down on his desk, he unpacks the paper, unwraps the ink, and starts in on his spell. The tea seems to help him focus and he is almost finished in record time by the time it’s empty. The cup gets set aside and he works. An hour passes. He hears his friends congregate, and then disperse again. No one came to check on him. He guesses Caduceus told them not to. He is thankful for the block of solitude that enables him to finish. He feels the magic flare and settle as the last stroke of ink is put in place to finish transcribing. It’s always a rush. 

He leans back in his seat and just looks at his work. He smiles, stretches and then closes his eyes and puts his head back. He breathes enjoying the quiet. It’s not too long before his mind wanders to his newly purchased books, hidden so carefully in his room. He feels himself blush at his impromptu purchases, and wishes he had a little more self control than he evidently had. He gets up from his desk, closes his spell book and puts it away, and walks into his room. 

It’s not very late, but it’s not early enough to be weird or questionable if he were to retire for the night. It’s been quiet, so he doesn’t think anyone will come looking for him anyway. He lights his bedside candle and closes his bedroom door. He takes off his new jacket and hangs it up so it doesn’t wrinkle, carefully pulls off his book holsters and puts them away. His shoes come next, followed by his pants and his shirt that he neatly folds. He pulls his night shirt on over his small clothes and pulls his blankest and sheets down to air. He then retires to he water closet to wash his face. He has been trying to stay cleaner since they got to Xhordronis, there was no reason to stay dirty now. He brushes his teeth, and takes his hair out of the braid Nott put in. 

He exists he water closet and stands there, looking at his bed, turned down. His heart rate picks up a tick, and he blushes a little, embarrassed. His mind floats back to the books he just bought and he feels a pulse makes its way to his cock. It’s been asleep for so long, now if feels like if there was a cool breeze that hit him just right it would spring to life. He wants to deny himself, believes he should deny himself. Maybe it would go back into hibernation if he did, but then he remembers Jester’s moan, and cannot restrain the full body jolt it gives him. 

He heads over to his bed and climbs in. ‘maybe if I take the edge off, our upcoming journey cramped in the dome won’t be so bad’ he thinks. He knows he is justifying, but he also knows that now that his body is showing interest, he is showing interest, that dome is going to be both heaven and hell. Mostly hell. He will be sleeping so close to her, yet, won’t be able to touch, won’t be able to caress, won’t be able to make her moan like that. 

He shakes his head trying to rid himself of those thoughts. His hands find where he had hidden the books, and he takes the very first one. The one with the red haired man on the cover. Just the cover is enough to feel his blood flow change directions. ‘I’m just going to take edge off’ he thinks and opens the novel.

His breath catches after a few chapters. The tiefling woman is Damaia, the man, Erdem. She is a princess who was conceived with the help of an old one. When she was born, her parents saw her horns, and sent her away to live with a trusted family who is mayor in a small town. This is where she met Erdem, a red headed farm hand who was shunned as a child of the infernal because of his hair. 

They grew up together, understanding a certain amount about what the other had gone through, both having been keep at arms length and having both been seen as bad luck. 

Damaia was sent to a boarding school, Erdem was made to work the fields. They meet again when they are in their second decade of life and Damaia is brought back to the town, a beautiful, cultured woman. Erdem is besotted instantly. Damaia’s affections are a bit slower. They find themselves alone for the first time in a stable after a particularly harrowing horse ride where he saves her from a run away horse. As for set ups, it wasn’t too bad, a bit cliche, but not too bad. Jester would have been eating it up. The thought makes him smile a little. She does love the romance of these smut novels. 

He reads further. 

They stand close, breathing into each-other, eyes locked, hands slowly touching. She throws him into a pile of hay declaring that she should show him her thanks. Her dress is made of thin fabric, her nipples fully erect and visible through it. She straddles him as he unfastens his britches and pulls her close as she sinks down and rides him, skirts pulled up around her waist. He holds her close and sucks her nipples through her silk dress. 

Caleb puts the book down for just as long as it takes to remove his night shirt and set it aside. He picks the book up again and continues reading. His hand roaming lightly across his chest. He pinches his nipples into nubs as the book talks about Damaia biting Erdems’. His back arches up a little at the touch. 

The few pages detailing the couples intimate moment are over too quickly. Caleb closes the book and puts it down on his nightstand. He blows the candle out and settles back against his pillow. Hands still roaming across his own skin. He pulls his nipples once more before he moves further down his body. He rakes his nails down his torso, across skin and scars alike. He makes sure there is just enough pressure to his nails to leave temporary welts, no blood. His back arches off the bed at the slight pain. His cock is heavy and throbbing, but he ignores it for now. He removes his sheets to let the night air trail across his body, it makes him shiver a little as his hands trail down his thighs, then switch direction and his nails scrape up, leaving welts and making him stifle a moan. 

He is panting a little already, and he starts to imagine Jester, dressed in the same light dress that Damaia was wearing. So light that you could see the outlines of her body. She is panting from a breathtaking ride on their more bounders. Eyes, heavy with lust, looking at him, only at him. His hands go back up to his chest to abuse his nipples again, arching his back off the mattress as he does so. He imagines Jester in that dress straddling him, both fully clothed. She starts to grind down on him as she holds his arms in place. He moves one of his hands down to add pressure on his cock through his small clothes. Sparks fly behind his eyelids and he bucks into his hand trying to get more. He backs himself down. 

He imagines Jester kissing him deeply as she continues riding, using her strength to pull him up to her, kissing him, then withdrawing and moving his mouth to one of her breasts, one of her hardened nipples, clearly visible though the fabric. He latches onto it with gusto and hears her moan. He keeps bucking into the palm of his hand, other hand flicking one of his nipples, rolling it between his fingers and then pinching and pulling on it. 

Pleasure courses through him and he imagines Jester pulling herself from him. Her dress is soaked, both breasts have darkened spots where he was sucking on her nipples, the spot of her dress she was grinding on while she was riding him was also soaked to a darker color. She was flushed and leaned in to undo his pants and pull them off of his hips. One strap of her dress slips down her shoulder. Caleb follows the phantom Jester and removes his small clothes, cock slapping heavily against his skin. The cool air hits his hot skin and he hisses. 

His breathing is shallow and quickened and he imagines Jester lowering herself between his legs, palming him, and then gripping him in her hands. Caleb whispers a quick spell, slicking his hand and grips himself. He strokes in time with the Jester in his mind. He palms over the head of his cock, then down to the base. His other hand reaches behind his cock and massages his balls, his hips jerk up into his palm and he imagines Jester lowering her lips to the head of his dick. Imagines her taking him in deeply, almost to the base and swallowing him down. 

His grip tightens and he speeds up his motion. He imagines himself in her throat, her throat pulsing around him, then she is off him again sucking only at the tip. He imagines her licking him from the base to the tip and then swallowing him back down. 

His pace quickens and grip tightens a bit more. He is so close. He imagines pulling Jester away and lying her down on the hay. He kneels close and she takes him in her hands, tugging expertly, tickling his balls. He pumps his hand a few more times, exploding in pleasure all over himself. He imagines painting Jesters thin silk dress in his cum. He imagines her taking one of her fingers and pulling it through his cum, then sticking in her mouth, all while using her other hand to bring herself to completion as she sucks the cum off her fingers. He sees her back arch in ecstasy, legs parted, fucking herself with her fingers in her ruined dress, sucking his cum from her fingers. The last image causes his dick to pulse again and drain the last bit of cum from him. 

He lies there, panting, letting the night air cool him. He feels his cum start to become sticky and dry on his skin, but lies motionless a bit longer, just breathing. When he does finally move, it’s only to retrieve his new wand and cast prestidigitation over his sheets and himself, then puts it down and curls into his bed refusing to feel guilty. Soon he falls into a dreamless sleep with the vision of Jester in the ruined silk dress looking pleased with herself in his head. 

Jester wakes really early in the morning, she wasn’t expecting to sleep though the night. She knows she shouldn’t be super surprised. She had worn herself out a bit last night. Remembering her water-closet escapades sends a small shiver throughout her body, ending in her cunt. Beau is snoring from the bed next to her. Jester decides to ignore the tinge of want between her legs in favor of going to find some breakfast. 

Her stomach growls as she makes her way to the kitchen. There is a bag on the counter that was not there yesterday. She has no reservations hopping over to it and peaking in. 

“Pastries!!” She gasps delightfully. She obtains a plate and does a little dance as she pulls one out of the bag, “Bear claws with cinnamon! Yummy!”. She peaks inside the bag again, there looks to still be about 8 left and she smiles. She has a momentary thought to hide them, but dismisses it quickly. Her friends deserve sweets too, and she didn’t buy them. So really, it wouldn’t be fair. 

She goes over to the table and sits down with her book to eat her bear claw. She is just about finished with this one, she may need to go out into the town to find another smut shop. She wonders if there is a sequel to this one. The Devils Embrace has been a very good book. She smiles as she digs in, licking her fingers to turn the next page. 

Pastries and smut in the morning, what a great morning! She finishes her first pastry and debates getting another. She decides not to, she doesn’t want to take them from one of her group. It just seems wrong… she goes back to her book and she starts to squirm from arousal. She keeps picturing Caleb reading it to her, caressing her along with the words. She squirms in her seat and angles her tail to tease her between her legs. Just a little, enough to make it fun, not enough to make her cum. She likes being on edge a little. 

She hears someone coming and closes her book and starts to clean up her area in the kitchen. She turns when the door opens to find Nott.

“Good Morning Nott”

“Morning Jester” Nott walks in and heads to find breakfast. 

“There are bear claws in the bag on the counter!”

Nott looks over to where Jester was talking, “Yeah, Caleb brought them home last night for everyone.” Nott yawns, “gave them to Caduceus to hand out.”

Caleb bought bear claws. That makes Jester feel all warm and fuzzy inside, “that was nice of him.”

Nott decides on a pasty and sits down by Jester, “What ya reading?” She nods to the book and takes a big bite of pastry. 

“Ohh” Jester says with a big smile, showing Nott the book. “I found this a few days ago, isn’t the lady on the cover beautiful? And she’s a teifling, so that’s cool, not many books star tieflings as the main protagonist. They are normally either the bad guy or a demon meant to tempt the protagonist away from her love.”

“Yeah, there aren’t many books starring goblins as the main protagonist either.” Nott pouts a little, but then her face blushes and she adds in a quieter voice, “But Yeza changes the characters’ appearance to look like us when he reads them out loud to me, he stutters sometimes, when the book gets saucy.”

Jester cannot help her heart melting a little, “Awww Nott, that’s so CUTE!!!”

“Yeah, it is.” 

“Well, when I am done this one, I will give it to you so Yeza can read it to you and make all the lovey dovey, sexy noises he can think of.” Jester is absolutely beaming. She is so glad that Yeza has accepted Nott as a goblin. She would have hated having to cut the halfling if he was mean. It’s so cute seeing them very much in love. 

Notts blush deepens and she says, “I will look forward to it.”

They hear someone clear their throat as they walk into the kitchen and look up in unison. 

“Good Morning Caleb!” Jester and Nott say together. 

“Umm…. Ja. Good morning.” Caleb has a small blush on his face. 

“Aww Caleb, were you listening to our conversation??” Jester teases him, and Nott looks a little horrified. 

Caleb cannot help the little chuckle that escapes him, “Only a little, when I walked through the doorway.” He goes over to the pastries bag and looks over to Jester and Nott, “No one like the pastries? There are still so many left.”

Jesters eyes go big, that means she can have another one! “I love bear claws Caleb!! I didn’t want to eat them ALL, the others haven’t come down for breakfast yet.”

Caleb seems satisfied with her answer and fishes two out of the bag. He heads over, sits at the table and places one in front of Jester, “I won’t tell if you don’t.” He tells her, a little sparkle in his eyes. 

Jester loves when Caleb is in a playful mood. It’s like a little gift. She happily accepts it, “My lips are sealed” 

They both turn to Nott. 

“Won’t say anything as long as no one teases Yeza, he’s a little sensitive about it” she says around a mouthful of pastry.

“Deal” Caleb says

“Fine” Jester says with a little pout. She was looking forward to giving Yeza tips on voices. Ohh well, she gets a super special bear claw from Caleb, so she can keep her mouth closed until it comes up again. “What are you guys doing today?”

“Ohh yeah, you were sleeping when Essek came over!” Nott says

“Essek?” Jester repeats and looks over to Caleb

“Yes, the shadowhand came over last night to inform us that the Bright Queen wanted to meet us about a possible mission today.” Caleb states, picking at his pastry. 

“Yeah, we went and messaged everyone, but Caleb said he couldn’t get a hold of you because you were sleeping or something.”

“Well, I did go to sleep early last night…” Jester blushes a little remembering, and then feels a little horror well up, what if he messaged during… well THAT and she didn’t realize. She spares a glance at Caleb, is that a blush! Ohh she is going to just die of embarrassment. 

“Yeah, so we are supposed to go to the bright queen in a few hours.” Nott continues, unaware that Jester is having a small heart attack about possibly being caught.

“Ok, did Essek stay long?”

“No, he just wanted to deliver the message.” Caleb answers, then remembers, “He also brought good news. I asked him if we could have access to a teleportation sigil in Rosana. He checked with a few people and they will be allowing me to study one of theirs today after the meeting!”

Excitement bubbles up in her and she makes eye contact with Caleb, “Really!?”

“Yes, we can visit your mother now, when I learn the sigil, and we are not on mission. We can go, visit, and then return the next day”

“Ohh Caleb!!” Jester shoots up from her seat and throws her arms around Caleb to hug him. She gets to see her mama now! She has missed her so much, and maybe she can talk to her about her feelings for her wizard and her mama will know what to do! “Thank you so much! I have missed my mama soooo much”

Caleb blushes a little at the hug, but smiles and pats Jesters’ back. “It will still take some time, I don’t know what the Bright Queen wants us to do.” 

Jester releases Caleb and looks at him. Her heart skips a beat at the smile on his face. “Yes, I know, but.” She whirls around and grabs her book and her pastry and then faces Caleb again, “ I just HAVE to tell mama that it is possible and that we are going to see her some day soon! She is going to be so excited. Thank you Caleb!” And she runs from the room and upstairs to her bedroom squealing happily the whole way. 

She gets to her room and Beau is already awake. Grumpy, but awake. 

“BEAU!!!” Jester flings herself at her roomie and hugs her. 

“Ugh! Jessie? What’s got you so excited THIS early in the morning?”

“Caleb has a way that I can see my mama soon!!! Like actually see, in the flesh! I can giver her a hug, and she can sing to me and braid my hair!! Isn’t that just great!!” Jester releases Beau and dances around the room in her excitement. 

Beau watches her fondly and says “He finally figured it out.” 

Jester cannot help but beam at her friend. “I am going to message mama and tell her the good news!! I can’t wait!”

Beau chuckles, and gets up, “I’ll just go get breakfast then, tell your mom I say hi.” She winks at Jester and wiggles her eyebrow as she leaves the room. 

Jester casts message once the door closes, “Hi Mama!! I wanted to let you know that Caleb is amazing and will soon be able to get me to you for a VISIT!!”

“Ohh, Jester that is wonderful! I cannot wait to see you, there is so much to talk about! Caleb? The awkward one from before? It’s…” The message ends before her mama could finish. 

Jester laughs, it must be a family trait. She dances a little in place and casts it again, “He is, you met him, remember? He was the shabby one with the cat. He’s no longer shabby. How is everything at the chateau, mama?” 

“I remember him. Everything is good, lots of work for me lately, I sing a few more times a week now, lots of new people.” 

Jester feels a little bit of worry creep into her happiness, but stuffs it down and sends another message, “Mama, please remember to be wary of new people with lots of scars on their arms, they are scary powerful and I want you safe!”

“I have kept a look out my little Sapphire. Don’t worry, I am safe here at the chateau. It’s so nice to hear from you.”

Jester cuddles up with her pillow, tears are in her eyes. She misses her mama so much! But Caleb, wonderful, smart, talented Caleb has found a way to let her visit her mama. She squeals a little in pure happiness. She spends the majority of her spells on messages to her mama. She talks to her up until the time they should be leaving for the Bright Queen. Her last message is full of love for her mama. 

She makes sure to look nice before she goes downstairs. She wants the Bright Queen to think she’s as pretty as Jester thinks the Bright Queen is, and if she is being honest, she wants Caleb to think she looks pretty. She wonders what she could get Caleb as a thank you. If this was one of the many smut books she’s read, she could always thank him with a sexual favor. She could use her hands, or her mouth. She would like that, making Caleb loose control, bringing Caleb some happiness. But she doesn’t think Caleb would accept her offer, and she doesn’t want to look foolish. She could see if she could find some spells, he likes spells. Or books, he likes books. She has to think a bit about it. 

She exits her room and meets the rest of the Nein. They gather and head off to the Bright Queen to see what she wants them to do. There is very little chatter, only some small questions and possibilities of what their mission might be. She remains quiet thinking about what she can do for Caleb as a thank you when he gets her to her mama.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shopping

Caleb was not expecting to see Jester and Nott eating breakfast and talking about Yeza reading Nott smut out loud changing the characters appearances to match their own, but here he is. His face flushes a little and he wonders if Jester would like to be read to like that. He’s not sure if he would be able to keep his hands to himself if it were a thing that happened, but it’s best to think clean thoughts. He clears his throat before the conversation gets any more naughty. 

They look up at him in unison and say, “Good Morning Caleb!”

“Umm…. Ja. Good morning.” 

“Aww Caleb, were you listening to our conversation??” Leave it to Jester to tease him. He chuckles a little and his heart skips a beat at how charming she really is, even when teasing. He glances at Nott, she looks horrified. 

“Only a little, when I walked through the doorway.” He busies himself by going over to the pastry bag he got last night. He is a little dismayed that there are still so many left, he thought for sure Jester would have eaten at least three by now, and Nott has one. He thought she liked bear claws with cinnamon. He looks in their direction and asks, “No one like the pastries? There are still so many left.”

“I love bear claws Caleb!! I didn’t want to eat them ALL, the others haven’t come down for breakfast yet.” 

Caleb lets a breath out that he didn’t realize he was holding. He can’t tell her that he really bought them to make her happy, he doesn’t want her to know that, but he wants her happy. He makes sure to get two pastries. He walks himself over to the table that Nott and Jester are sitting at. He glances at the book Jester has and blushes. It’s a smut novel starring a tiefling. Probably written by the same person who wrote the three he bought last night. The other person looks human, and that makes Calebs heart beat a little faster. She got one with a human as the lover, even when he knows there were a few with an orc. He swallows the lump that formed in his throat and places one of the pastries in front of Jester, “I won’t tell if you don’t.” And there he goes, flirting a little, Watch it Widogast. 

Jester accepts it with a smile, “My lips are sealed” 

He watches as Jester turns to Nott, he mirrors her. 

“Won’t say anything as long as no one teases Yeza, he’s a little sensitive about it” she says around a mouthful of pastry.

“Deal” He says quickly, there is no way he is going to approach THAT topic with Yeza. There are things best left unsaid and unknown and the sex life between Nott and her husband is one of those things. They are really cute together though.

“Fine. What are you guys doing today?” Jester says, and Caleb is momentarily confused. Did no one tell her about the Bright Queen?

“Ohh yeah, you were sleeping when Essek came over!” Nott says

“Essek?” Jester repeats and looks over to Caleb, and he swears he sees something in her eyes when she says Esseks name… Does Jester like Essek?

“Yes, the shadowhand came over last night to inform us that the Bright Queen wanted to meet us about a possible mission today.” Caleb states, picking at his pastry. Essek is quite handsome, and he knows Jester doesn’t care that he is a drow… ‘maybe you can have a threesome?’ The voices in the back of his head calls, he stuffs it back and tries to pay attention. 

“Yeah, we went and messaged everyone, but Caleb said he couldn’t get a hold of you because you were sleeping or something.”

“Well, I did go to sleep early last night…” Caleb remembers her moan when he went to see if she wanted to go shopping, and then he remembers the way she said his name during the message and his pants get a little tighter. Damn, he is blushing, and Jester is looking! 

“Yeah, so we are supposed to go to the bright queen in a few hours.” Nott continues, Caleb is trying to will both his blush and his mild erection away. 

“Ok, did Essek stay long?”

“No, he just wanted to deliver the message.” Caleb answers automatically, then comes back to himself and the conversation and remembers about the sigil, “He also brought good news. I asked him if we could have access to a teleportation sigil in Rosana. He checked with a few people and they will be allowing me to study one of theirs today after the meeting!”

“Really!?” 

Caleb sighs a little, he loves making her so happy and excited. “Yes, we can visit your mother now, when I learn the sigil, and we are not on mission. We can go, visit, and then return the next day”

“Ohh Caleb!!” Jester shoots up from her seat and throws her arms around Caleb to hug him. “Thank you so much! I have missed my mama soooo much”

Caleb is not ready for Jesters hug and it throws him off a little, he blushes at the hug, and his pants get tighter again. He manages to smile and awkwardly pat Jesters back before he thinks to add, “It will still take some time, I don’t know what the Bright Queen wants us to do.” 

Jester releases Caleb “Yes, I know, but.” She whirls around and grabs her book and her pastry and then faces Caleb again, “I just HAVE to tell mama that it is possible and that we are going to see her some day soon! She is going to be so excited. Thank you Caleb!” And she runs from the room and upstairs to her bedroom squealing happily the whole way.

He cannot help the smile that is on his face, and when he looks over to Nott, her expression is knowing. She has an eyebrow cocked up and a smirk. 

“Yes, Nott?” He probes

“Ohh nothing, Caleb” Nott nibbles on a bit of pastry, “I just like seeing you both so happy.”

Caleb refuses to rise to the bait, “well, thanks really should go to the shadowhand for arranging it.” He fidgets with his pastry and nibbles on a little bit of it. 

Nott’s eyes grow big and she takes his hand, “No Caleb, you put your neck out for one of us, that is deserving of thanks. You deserve being thanked. Plus the sigil would be of no use without your ability to make it work”

“Thank you Nott” he cannot look her in the eye and see all the faith she has in him. He really doesn’t know what he would do without her. He definitely wouldn’t be here with Jester… the nein, if it wasn’t for Nott. He pats her hand and goes back to eating breakfast. 

Everyone else makes their way to the kitchen eventually. There is small talk all around, smiles and laughter. Beau keeps looking over to him, he has no clue why. Well, maybe Jester said something. He decides to put it as far out of his mind that he can, and soaks up the camaraderie before they head out to the Bright Queen. 

It still amazes him, this group they have. It was so difficult in the beginning. There was no trust and had nothing in common but circumstance. Well, that isn’t entirely true, he is pretty sure everyone loved Jester the moment they met her. She has that affect on people. 

But still, they have all come a really long way. There are still a large amount of secrets, but they all trust each other. That is a type of miracle really. He never thought he would have a family again. He looks around the table, it’s a strange little family, but a better family then he deserves. 

“Well, what do you say we get this show on the road?” Fjord interrupts his thoughts. “It is about time, right Caleb?”

“Ja. We could leave now.”

Everyone helps clean up their kitchen and they hear Jester romping down the stairs just as they start to exit the kitchen. 

“Just in time Jessie! We are headed off.” Beau says, holding her hands out. Jester takes them and they walk out of the house swinging their arms. 

They all make it to the Bright Queens court and are brought in in the normal fashion. It's always very intimidating. Caleb is always ultra aware of his human status when he walks the halls. He knows he is relatively safe, he knows his friends will not let anything bad happen if they can help it, but still. He is human in a place where human is the enemy. He has positioned himself in the middle of his friends, Beau put herself next to him. She probably feels it too. He walks behind Jester. 

They enter the great hall, and there she is, sitting, looking regal. Caleb cannot help but spare a look over at Jester. She has a blush on her cheeks. It’s so cute, the blush and her crush. He understands the crush, probably a little more than he wants to admit. She does pose a striking figure, and maybe he would harbor one too, if it wasn’t for the terror. 

They are able to get thought it without a lot of unnecessary jabber and without showing more of their hand than they need to, or damning themselves. It’s really a success. However they are back on abyssal tear duty. They have tonight to plan and prepare and leave first thing tomorrow morning. He is even able to take a look at that sigil on the way out. He takes notes and memorizes it, you never know when it could come in handy. 

Everyone walks back to their house talking about what they need to get done before they leave in the morning. Caleb have a few more hours of transcribing before he can sleep. He should probably pick up some more components. He should tell them of the magic shop he found. 

“Do you know how long we will be traveling?” Jester questions the group

“Probably a few weeks, Jessie.” Fjord answers. “Why?” 

“Well… I am almost done my book and if we are gone for a long time, I will be done and have nothing to read. Caleb…” Jester waits until he is looking at her signaling that he is listening. “Do you know where the book shop is here?”

“Ja”

“Can we go? Before we leave?”

“Ja, there is also a magic shop that has some items I think everyone would like.”

“Why are we just hearing of a magic shop now?” Beau adds, looking behind her at him, eyebrow raised. 

“Ohh, Uhh, I just found it last night actually, I needed paper and ink.”

“Is it on the way?” Beau asks.

“It’s not too far, did you want to go now?”

“I wouldn’t mind” Fjord chimes in.

“It might be good to pick up a few supplies.” Caduceus says. 

“Ja, Ok. It’s this way” Caleb takes over leading the group and finds his way to Shadows Hearth. “Here it is.” Caleb holds the door open for the rest of the group and follows them in. 

The nein split up once in the store, each looking for their own supplies or anything that might help them. He sees the shopkeeper. 

“Hello, Mr. Widogast. Back already? Were you looking for that enchantment?” Minolin says spotting him in the group. 

“Oh, Hello Minolin, not right now, I still have to find the optimal supplies for it. I brought my friends to show them your lovely shop.”

“I can see that. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Friends of the Shadowhand are always welcome here.”

“Ja, thank you.”

He feels a few pairs of eyes on him as he speaks to the shop keeper, but chooses to ignore them. He finds himself wishing that he would have told them about his trip out here yesterday. Too late now. They all are looking around interested, he knew they would like this shop. 

He makes his way over to Jester, “The bookshop is close to here if you still want to go.”

Jester looks at him, pulling a healing potion off of the shelf, “Really? I would like to get a new book, I am almost done Devils Embrace it would be nice to have a back up.”

Caleb freezes for a second recognizing that title. It was one one of the books staring the teifling woman, he forces himself to breath, it’s not like Jester knows his new favorite type of book to get. “I only browsed quickly yesterday, but they might have something you would like.”

Jester smiles, “let me just buy these two potions, I am the healer after-all.” She turns from him and looks over to Beau, “Hey Beau, Caleb says the Smut shop is close, wanna come?”

Caleb can feel his face heat. Sometimes he thinks she does this just to embarrass him. 

“Yeah.” Beau calls from the side of the shop. 

“I want to come too!” Adds Nott. 

“Anyone else?” Jester asks the rest, wiggling her eyebrows up and down. None of the others answer, so she puts her potions on the table, “I would like to purchase these please.” She says to Minolin. Caleb walks up behind her, ready to help her if she needs some cash. He knows a lot of these end up being used on him. 

“Another friend of the Shadowhand I take it?”

Jester looks momentarily confused and then notices Caleb close by. “Yeah, he comes over to tutor Caleb on magic stuff.” 

That seems to surprise Minolin a little, but she doesn’t comment on it. She tells Jester the price and then adds, “but because you are such good friends with our shadowhand, I will give you 5% off.”

Caleb feels everyone’s ears perk at that. He really should have told them before hand. 

“Thats so great! Thanks!” Jester says as she hands over the requested amount, “Really Caleb, you should have told us this place existed before now” 

“Ja, I guess I should have.”

“Thank you! You guys ready to go?” She turns to Beau and Nott. 

“I’ll be there in a second Jessie, I want to see if I can get another flask.”

Caleb notices Jesters little grimace at that and finds it a bit odd. “Are you ok Jester?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“No reason, I guess. We will wait for you outside Nott.” Caleb opens the door for Beau and Jester to walk through and hears Nott start her request for the never-ending flask. Caleb does worry about Notts drinking, but cannot blame her for it. Life is not always easy, and it just seems to be getting more dangerous. Maybe when they get her son to safety, she will stop again.

Nott comes out of the store looking a little sour. “They want to charge me more than Pumat! And I need to provide a flask. I really liked my old one. Hey Caleb, do you know where I can get a new flask for them to enchant?”

“Nien, I am sorry, I have not looked.”

“Ohh Nott, you don’t need your flask, you have been doing so well without it.” Jester gives Nott a hug and Nott pushes her back a little. 

“I do need it”

“you haven’t had your flask since the Roc and have been doing well” Beau points out, and it only makes Nott’s face go darker. 

“Maybe we can pick up some booze on the way out, make sure we have a bunch so you don’t notice the difference?” Caleb adds. He sees Jesters face darken in his direction and winces a little. 

“How much do you think the bag of holding can hold?” Nott asks looking at Caleb.

“Well, I am sure it can hold a bunch.” He replies. “Should we head off to the bookshop?”

“Yes! To the Smut!” Jester proclaims.

“To the smut” Beau agrees. 

Caleb takes Notts hand, “to the smut” he says and he leads the ladies to the bookshop he found earlier. 

Walking into the bookshop is always calming. Caleb takes a deep breath, the smell of paper settling into his bones. He motions to the shelves of books, but the ladies are not even paying him any attention. They move as a group towards the ‘romance’ section. 

Jester is so excited when she sees the group of books staring the teifling woman he found yesterday. She squeals in delight, “Nott! Look! More staring a tiefling!” She reaches and picks one up showing it to Nott and Beau, a big smile on her face. 

Caleb turns bright pink when he recognizes the book. It’s the one with the red haired human man. Thankfully no one is paying attention to him.

“Aw, Caleb! If you weren’t so skinny you could pass for the heroic lead in that book!” Beau says, laughing at her joke. 

Caleb is mortified, there is no way Beau could know, but all three ladies are looking at him, and his face is blazing red. Can they tell he bought that book, can they tell be bought that book because the lead man had red hair and the woman is a teifling. Can they read that on him?

“Beau, leave Caleb alone! He is most definitely more powerful,” Nott looks over to Caleb then back at Beau, “And he’s obviously more attractive, any one would be lucky to have Caleb!”

Caleb ducks his head, “uhhh…. I’m just..” He gestures to the door hoping that it is enough to let them know he will wait outside. He catches the shopkeeper eyes on his way out and she gives him a knowing look that speeds his steps up. He wants to look at Jester to see her reaction, but doesn’t dare. What if she throws the book back on the shelf in disgust?

He gets outside and stands awkwardly outside the shop. He just breaths, trying to calm he’s heart and his face. 

He sighs in relief when he sees his other friends leave the magic shop. He waves them over when he catches their eyes. They don’t seem too interested in why he is standing outside, they host join him. Thankfully Caduceus is looking at something he just bought too intently to notice him. Their presence eases him with their small talk and soon the three ladies are leaving the book store, each with a small package. 

He forces himself to not look to see if Jester got THAT book. Instead, he leads the way back home, listening to the groups chatter. 

They get back to their house and separate ways, first to pack, then meet again for dinner, then early to bed for a good nights rest. Caleb goes through the library and is caught by his unfinished work on the desk. He decides he can pack later and sits at his desk, opening the new paper, and grabbing his pen. He really has to finish this last spell before they depart. It could come in handy on their journey. He gets to work. 

Jester is always equal parts intimidated and aroused whenever in the presence of the Bright Queen. Her breath catches a little at her first glance of the woman. She is just spectacular, powerful and beautiful. She mentally shakes herself and blushes. 

Her crush on the Bright Queen is just that, but she feels all that beauty and power to her front like a caress and feels the nervous energy from the handsome man of her affections like a campfire behind her. He is comforting, even in his nervousness. Her mind supplies a very dirty picture of exactly how she would like to be in the middle of them. 

She has to mentally shake herself again, and tries to focus on the conversation at hand. Seems like another rift. She knows she makes a face, but she is just so tired of the abyssal. It scares her. She looks around at her friends. She would die for any one of them, and fears that it just might happen. They keep finding themselves in situations that can easily become too much for them. 

Her mind floats to Molly, and the grief and guilt hit her in waves. She shivers, and catches Cad’s eye. She forces herself to smile at him. That’s what she does, after-all, smile. They keep her for her smile, they love her because of her smile, they find comfort in her smile. So does she, find comfort in it. It pushes the sadness and fear away. So she smiles. 

Jester decides she would much rather fantasize about the Bright Queen and Caleb, with her, of coarse. She stands there and looks at the Bright Queen. She imagines what she would look like without her armor and without her complicated plait. She’s been alive for such a long time, even longer with the multiple lives she has lived. She is probably amazing in bed with all that experience. 

She feels Caleb’s energy behind her and starts to imagine how they would look together. Her dark against his pale. They are both stunning, especially with Caleb in his new clothes. She looses herself in the daydream and it takes her a few seconds to realize they were dismissed and her friends are starting to leave. She gathers herself and follows them out. 

She makes sure to pay attention to the small bits of conversation that happens to figure out what she missed with her daydream. 

So gather stuff today, travel tomorrow morning,.. got it, she thinks to herself.

“Do you know how long we will be traveling?” Jester questions the group, it hadn’t come up in conversation yet, and it would help her pack if she knew. 

“Probably a few weeks, Jessie.” Fjord answers. “Why?” 

“Well… I am almost done my book and if we are gone for a long time, I will be done and have nothing to read.” The thought makes her a little sad. She really liked reading a story with a teifling as the main lady. Then a thought hits her, “Caleb…” Jester waits until he is looking at her signaling that he is listening. “Do you know where the book shop is here?”

“Ja” He says, and he says it like it is a trap almost. 

“Can we go? Before we leave?” She adds. She thought it was obvious she wanted to go, but maybe they wouldn’t have time?

“Ja, there is also a magic shop that has some items I think everyone would like.”

“Why are we just hearing of a magic shop now?” Beau adds, looking behind her at him, eyebrow raised. 

“Ohh, Uhh, I just found it last night actually, I needed paper and ink.”

“Is it on the way?” Beau asks.

“It’s not too far, did you want to go now?”

“I wouldn’t mind” Fjord chimes in.

“It might be good to pick up a few supplies.” Caduces says. 

“Ja, Ok. It’s this way” Caleb takes over leading the group and finds his way to Shadows Hearth. “Here it is.” Caleb holds the door open for the rest of the group and follows them in. 

The Shadows Hearth is a very nice shop, reminiscent of Pumat’s, but in a Xhorhasian sort of way. She thinks it’s probably and enchanter aesthetic thing. She likes it. 

“Hello, Mr. Widogast. Back already? Were you looking for that enchantment?” Jesters ears perk. The shopkeep knows Caleb by name? He was looking for an enchantment? Ohh the mysteries. She stays within ear shot. 

“Oh, Hello Minolin, not right now, I still have to find the optimal supplies for it. I brought my friends to show them your lovely shop.”

“I can see that. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Friends of the Shadowhand are always welcome here.”

“Ja, thank you.”

The Shadowhand… Essek. She really should have known, and, she really should be happy for Caleb. But… but she doesn’t want to be. 

Suddenly she decides she has had enough of this store already. She does want to get some healing potions, her previous thoughts of Molly made her nervous about the journey and her friends health and longevity. She grabs a few and is surprised when Caleb is at her side.

“The bookshop is close to here if you still want to go.”

Jester looks at him, pulling a healing potion off of the shelf, “Really? I would like to get a new book, I am almost done Devils Embrace it would be nice to have a back up.”

“I only browsed quickly yesterday, but they might have something you would like.” 

Jester smiles, “let me just buy these two potions, I am the healer after-all.” She turns from him and looks over to Beau, “Hey Beau, Caleb says the Smut shop is close, wanna come?”

“Yeah.” Beau calls from the side of the shop. 

“I want to come too!” Adds Nott. 

“Anyone else?” Jester asks the rest, wiggling her eyebrows up and down. None of the others answer, so she puts her potions on the table, “I would like to purchase these please.” She says to Minolin. 

“Another friend of the Shadowhand I take it?”

Jester looks momentarily confused and then notices Caleb close by. “Yeah, he comes over to tutor Caleb on magic stuff.” 

That seems to surprise Minolin a little, but she doesn’t comment on it. She tells Jester the price and then adds, “but because you are such good friends with our shadowhand, I will give you 5% off.”

“Thats so great! Thanks!” Jester says as she hands over the requested amount. “Really Caleb, you should have told us this place existed before now.” She is being a little salty, and she knows it, but come on! It’s just a lot, and being salty stops her from sulking. 

“Ja, I guess I should have.”

“Thank you! You guys ready to go?” She turns to Beau and Nott picking up her healing potions. 

“I’ll be there in a second Jessie, I want to see if I can get another flask.”

Jester flinches at the mention of the flask. Guilt settles in her stomach, Nott never even asked her if she took it. She has questioned everyone else in the group. She’s just trying to help, but she knows Nott is going to be really pissed when she finds out.

“Are you ok Jester?” Caleb asks her

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” She knows her voice is a little shaky, but hopes he doesn’t notice. 

“No reason, I guess. We will wait for you outside Nott.” Caleb opens the door for Beau and Jester to walk through.

Jesters thoughts are still swimming in guilt when Nott comes out of the store looking a little sour. 

“They want to charge me more than Pumat! And I need to provide a flask. I really liked my old one. Hey Caleb, do you know where I can get a new flask for them to enchant?”

“Nien, I am sorry, I have not looked.”

“Ohh Nott, you don’t need your flask, you have been doing so well without it.”   
Jester gives Nott a hug and Nott pushes her back a little. Jester is a little hurt by that, but guesses she deserves it. 

“I do need it”

“you haven’t had your flask since the Roc and have been doing well” Beau points out, and it only makes Nott more annoyed. 

“Maybe we can pick up some booze on the way out, make sure we have a bunch so you don’t notice the difference?” Caleb adds.

‘No Caleb’ Jester screams in her head. If they were alone she would probably scream it at him. She wants to shake Caleb by the shoulders, doesn’t he see that Nott is hurting herself by drinking so much? 

“How much do you think the bag of holding can hold?” Nott asks looking at Caleb.

“Well, I am sure it can hold a bunch.” He replies. “Should we head off to the bookshop?”

“Yes! To the Smut!” Jester proclaims trying to work up enthusiasm. If she can keep them distracted, maybe they will forget about purchasing alcohol. 

“To the smut” Beau agrees. 

Caleb takes Notts hand, “to the smut” he says and he leads the ladies to the bookshop he found earlier. 

Jester notices Caleb breath the bookstore in and some of his nervousness fades. She’s glad she brought up going to the bookstore. She smiles a little, and looks around so one one catches her. She finds exactly what she is looking for and grabs both Nott and Beau to lead them to their destination. Her spirits lift immediately when she sees the books she was hoping existed. 

“Ohh Nott! Look! More starring a teifling!” She squeals, she loves it so much. She grabs one as Beau looks over to see what she is so excited about. 

“Aw, Caleb! If you weren’t so skinny you could pass for the heroic lead in that book!” Beau says, laughing. 

Jester glances down at the cover, the guy has red hair. She didn’t notice it until now, and has a momentary feeling of embarrassment, which is overcome by the shear WANT of this book. A teifling and a man who looks like Caleb, it’s almost like this book was written for her. In her hazy she hears Nott defend Caleb to Beau. 

“Beau, leave Caleb alone! He is most definitely more powerful, and he is obviously more attractive. Any one would be lucky to have Caleb!”

Jester couldn’t help but mentally agree with Nott. She wants to voice some sort of agreement without basically admitting her feelings for the man, but before she can say anything, Caleb is basically running from the bookstore. 

Jester turns to Beau, “Aw, Beau, you shouldn’t be so mean. Look you made him run away!”

Beau sounds a bit sorry when she says, “I wasn’t trying to be mean…Ahh, I’ll apologize, but he really shouldn’t be so sensitive.” 

Jester watches Beau glance around then mutter, “Maybe I’ll get him a book” and then she heads off. 

“I wonder if there is one with a goblin” Nott muses, 

“I can help you look.” Jester offers

“No, I’ll look, we only have so much time here. Plus, if I can’t find one, it won’t matter much, Yeza will just keep switching races to match us anyway.” Nott says with a small smile. 

Jester watches Nott wade her way through the books for a little, then turns back to the ones with the teifling. 

There are a bunch, much to her delight. She only feels a small pang when she realizes none of them are blue. She browses them, there are a few options, there are ones with orcs, a few with drow, some with elves, and a few with humans. She is still holding the first one she picked up, and she knows it is her imagination, but it feels like it is warming her hands where she is touching it. She wants it, and her grip tightens, she feels an answering tightening between her thighs as well. She is getting this book, but she needs to also get one to hide the fact. If they see her buy THIS book after THAT conversation, they would just KNOW. 

Her fingers trail the books. Hmm, there is one with a purple tiefling and a beautiful drow woman. She picks it up, looks like the drow is a wizard, the teifling looks to be a priestess. Jester’s mind travels to the Bright Queen and her earlier day dream. This book will suit her nicely. She grabs it and heads to pay. No one has made it there yet, so she can buy both easily. Thankfully there is a little bag that the books go in. 

She spots Nott when she is finished and heads over, “Any luck?”

Nott shakes her head, “No, but I found one where the lady is an assassin!”

“That sounds great!” Jester replies as Nott turns to pay. 

Jester then locates Beau who is elbows deep in a History book. “More edubation?” She teases. 

Beau looks up embarrassed, almost like she was, you know. Jester wiggles her eyebrows. 

“Jessie!”

“Hi Beau”

“Umm.. this is meant for Caleb.”

“No judgement Beau, I know deep down you are as big of a nerd as Caleb is.” Jester nudges Beau with her shoulder. 

“Am not” Beau says without any real strength. 

Jester just grins, “Nott and I are all paid up, did you find anything worth purchasing?”

Beau holds up a book with two beautiful women on it. “you?”

Jester raises her bag, “I think I might just have gotten one that you would like”

Beau raises an eyebrow, “Oh really?”

Jester smiles at her and turns to go. 

“Jessie?”

“Yeah” she says as she turns back. 

Beau looks nervous, shifting her weight back and forth like she is ready for battle. “Umm… I think…” She sighs “I think I owe you an apology too.”

Jester freezes, “Why would you think that?”

“Well” Beau looks at her and opens her mouth to say something when Nott reaches them. 

“Everyones waiting outside” Nott says. 

“Ok Nott, I just have to pay.” Beau tells her and Jester just stands there watching Beau walk away. Does Beau know? 

Nott grabs Jesters hand and the three of them end up exiting the bookstore together. Jester spares a look to Caleb when they get outside, but he doesn’t meet her eyes. HE just looks forward and leads them back to the house. She can feel Beau watching her. The weight of the book she just bought feels like it has increased since she bought it. She knows her face is flushed. She hates how much she blushes these days, hates how she feels a bit lost in an ocean of unnamed emotion. She wonders if it is possible to drown here. 

They are back and decide to gather their stuff, pack, eat, and then sleep. Jester thinks it sounds good and heads directly upstairs. A chill goes up her spine, Beau is right behind her. They enter the room together. 

They start packing in silence. The room is tense and Jester knows it is because of her. She is terrified and mentally chastises her self. This is Beau. She loves Beau. Beau would never hurt her, in fact, Beau came and helped rescue her from the slavers. She shivers at the thought of the slavers and pushes it far away. That is NOT something to think about. Jester ends up just standing there looking at her pack. 

“You ok Jessie?” Beau asks. 

“Of coarse I am Beau” Jester says, trying to laugh a little. 

“Jessie… I am sorry for the bookshop.” Beau hesitates a little, “I didn’t think when I said what I did. I just wanted to tease Caleb a little… I didn’t…” Beau sighs and moves a little so she can see Jesters face. “Jessie?”

Jester doesn’t know what to say. She feels so much, all at once and doesn’t know what to say. Beau comes closer to her and puts her arms around Jester in a hug. Jester feels the tension leave her body in a little sob. Beau doesn’t say anything about the sob and they stay like that for a little. 

Jester takes a deep breath, “you know” and she knows it sounds more like a statement than a question. 

“I suspected, but realized I was right today when I made my joke at Calebs expense.” Beau admits. “Jessie, you didn’t have to hide it.”

“Well, I don’t know know, for sure, that it’s not like Fjord.”

“It’s ok if it is.”

“I know, but I feel just so stupid, ya know. And I don’t want Caleb to see me as a silly kid with a crush. He knows what it’s like, like for real, with Astrid.”

Beau hugs her tighter and Jester appreciates it. Beau is such a great friend.

“I won’t tell anyone, Jessie, but if you need to talk, I am here.”

Jester nods, “Thanks Beau. Maybe I will, but not right now.”

“Thats ok too.” Beau tells her as she releases her from the hug. She looks like she wants to say something else, but shakes her head as if deciding against it. Beau goes back to her bag to continue packing. 

Jester follows suit and packs her bag as well.

“What book did you get that you think I would like?”

Jester blushes a little but smiles at her and pulls out the book with the lady teifling and lady drow and tosses it to Beau. 

“Jessie!” Beau acts scandalized for a second, just for Jesters amusement, and then turns the book over to read the back. “I think you are right Jester, I think I would very much enjoy this book.”

Jester laughs as Beau tosses the book back to her. 

“Didn’t know you had no real preference per say.” Beau adds. 

Jester sends Beau a lewd look, “Beau I grew up the daughter of a courtesan, you really think my tastes are only of the male variety?”

Beau just looks at her, a light blush staining her cheeks, and Jester continues with her packing. Eventually Beau continues. 

“Beau?”

“Yes Jessie?”

“Do you think there is time to clean some clothes?”

“I doubt it”

“I knew I should have washed them the day I dirtied them…”

Beau looks over at her, “Dirtied them?”

“In the garden, Beau!” It’s Jesters turn to blush and Beau just laughs. 

“Maybe Caleb has FINALLY learned the prestidigitation spell?” Beau adds, and Jester thinks. Maybe he has. She decides to ask at dinner. 

When she finishes she she heads downstairs with Beau to help Caduses with dinner. When they get down there, everyone else is there too, and dinner is made. They have one last dinner surrounded by everyone at their table. Nott and Yeza are closer than normal, they hate parting from each other. It’s really nice. 

“Caduceus, this is extra delicious tonight!” Jester says, because it is. 

“Yes, you really did pull out all the stops tonight.” Fjord follows up. 

“I used some new mushrooms from the garden. They aren’t ready to dry and pack just yet, but they are great fresh. Thanks for noticing.” Caduceus says, eyes glazing over with happiness. 

“I’ll make sure to water them every day Mr. Clay” Yeza pipes up. “Is there anything else anyone would like me to do?”

Everyone is quiet for a few moments thinking, but no one really has anything. Caduceus is really the only one who has something he does every day that can be handed off. 

“I guess it’s really just watching over the house” Caleb says. “That is a great help as it is”

“I’ll leave some gold behind in case you want any supplies or anything to work on.” Nott adds and Yeza just looks at his wife with the softest eyes Jester has ever seen. She wants someone to look at her like that… She wants Caleb to look at her like that. 

“Caleb?” 

“Yes Jester?”

“Have you learned that spell yet?”

“I have learned a few spells, which are you asking about?”

“Prestidigitation. One of my dresses is still dirty from gardening a few days ago, and, well, it would be really great if I didn’t have to wash it when I get home.”

“It would be really nice to clean a few things before we leave…” Yasha pipes in. 

It seems like everyone stops and looks to Caleb, waiting for his answer. 

“Umm… I haven’t learned it yet… But, but I did bye a wand the other day. It has that spell prepared…”

Jester just lights up. 

“Really!? Ohh Caleb, can I use it?”

“How many times can you use it?” Fjord asks. 

“How much can it clean?” Beau adds

“Well, it might be better if everyone brings what they want cleaned downstairs in a pile. It might be more effective that way.” Caleb says. 

“OK!” Jester says as she darts upstairs to retrieve her dress. She is so happy she doesn’t have to leave it behind, she really likes this one. By times she makes it upstairs, she figures he probably didn’t mean right away, but she has to finish packing after dinner! She grabs her dress and goes back downstairs. 

“Here it is Caleb, should I put it in the library?”

“Ummm.. Ja, that would be fine.”

Jester bounds away, puts her dress carefully on his desk seat, and then comes back to finish dinner. 

“I don’t think he meant right away Jess.” Beau teases a little. 

“Your just upset I got mine down first so it will obviously be done first. Yours might not if everyone else has a lot of stuff and the magic runs out.” She points out and Beau thinks about that for a second. Jester watches as the rest of her friends look at each other, and then it seems like they all move at once, darting out of the kitchen, meal abandoned, running to gather their things before the others can. 

Jester just sits there and laughs. 

“Wanna know a secret?” Caleb asks her and Jesters heart flips a little

“Always” she replies. 

“I would have done yours first anyway” Caleb says, and he WINKS! He then turns his attention back to his dinner. 

Caleb winked at her, effectively cutting off all ability to think. By time Jester finds her voice, Beau comes in, and plops back down. 

“Second” She says and looks at Jester and Caleb. 

“Ja, second place.” Caleb says and then clears his throat, “I should start on the clothes then” He says as he cleans his plate and leaves. 

“Jes?” Beau asks. 

Jester just shakes her head, and the others return. Beau stops her questions and they all finish their meals and clean up. 

Jester goes to retrieve her dress from Caleb, but he is already in the hallway making his way to the kitchen to give it back to her. It is so clean. She is elated and gives Caleb a quick hug.

“Thanks!” She says and takes her dress. 

“Ja.. You’re welcome.” Caleb says with a smile as Jester starts to ascend the stairs.

She stops and looks at Caleb opens her mouth, but then closes it as her friends all spill out of the kitchen. She continues her way up the stairs to pack. Pack and then sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.


	8. Chapter 8

Caleb is only paying half attention to the conversation around the dinner table. The food was extra delicious tonight, and he heartily agrees when Jester compliments Caduceus. Yeza asks if he can be of any more help to them while they are gone, and Caleb has to tell him being here is more than enough. He doesn’t really know how to articulate in front of everyone what he means when he says it, but Yeza looks content that he is wanted. How does he tell the halfling that just being here, accepting Nott, being a part of their weird little family, is so much more than he thinks it is. 

He is contemplating this when Jester asks him about spells and he cannot help but play with her a little. He is pretty sure she likes when he plays back. She asks specifically about prestidigitation, and his mind blanks out for a second. Of coarse she would ask about that spell, she is the one who keeps bringing it up. It seems like she really wants that spell. He has a second to wonder why the Traveler hasn’t taught her that yet. She looks so hopeful and then Yasha agrees, and he cannot keep the wand a secret. He really wanted to surprise her with it after a battle when he cleans her clothes of spilt blood or something. Oh well, he tells them of the wand he bought and Jester jumps up and runs for her dress. He cannot help the fond smile from gracing his lips. 

When she comes back and tells the group she will be first and they might not get anything cleaned depending, effectively running them all off, his fondness floods him and he winks at her. The teasing flirt was one thing, it could have been misconstrued as just playful banter, the wink, well that was obvious. Jester was stunned for a little and then everyone came back in and he had to excuse himself before he did anything obvious in front of everyone. 

He enters his library and sees her dress, lying on his chair. He walks over to it and brushes his fingertips across the fabric, It really is beautiful. He leaves it there and retrieves his wand. He wasn’t lying, it really is the first thing he cleans, and would have been the first thing no matter what. The soil lifts off the dress with a flick and it is just like new. He makes sure his hands are clean before he lifts it in his arms. He fingers the fabric a little, letting his mind wander, then walks it out right as Jester is coming to find him. 

He hands the dress over, they exchange thanks, and she heads up to finish packing. She does pause and look at him, looks like she was going to say something, but then is interrupted and goes back to climbing the stairs. He sighs, wondering what she was going to say then turns to finish cleaning everyone else’s clothes.

There isn’t too much, and if he puts a bunch together, he can get more done. It only takes a few spells from the wand and everything is done. They seem to be waiting for him to finish, because they are all outside the library when he checks. He hands over everyones clothes, and they all thank him. Beau stays behind, ohh no. 

“Hey Caleb.” Beau says when the library door closes on the last person. 

“Beau”

“I wanted to say that I was sorry for making fun of you at the bookstore”

“Well, I know I am not strong, almost everyone here is stronger than me. It’s not a secret.” Caleb says. He doesn’t want this conversation to go on, She might figure him out. She is not as dumb as she lets people think she is. 

“Yeah, well, it still wan’t nice, and you did kinda run, so I got you this” Beau hands out a book to him very awkwardly. 

He is almost scared to touch it. What if it was THAT book? He does take it however, and looking down, is pleased that it is actually a history book. A history book about Xhorhas. That is a good gift. 

“Thank you Beau, I didn’t… I did’t take it to heart. Our…. Friendship was not injured in any way. I do appreciate this though.”

“Yeah, ok” Beau says as turns to leave. “Lemme borrow it when you are done” she says, not even turning around. 

“Ja. OK” he calls back and smiles. Beau will always be Beau, and he is glad for that. 

He cleans up the area of his spell work, puts his spell book away, packs his bag and then curls up in his bed with the history book. He must have been more tired than he thought he was, he only got half way through it before he was fast asleep. 

Caleb wakes the next morning refreshed. His mind is weirdly quiet and he just lays in his bed enjoying the reprieve, his night was very restful, he didn’t even dream. 

Today they head out on their mission. He lets himself enjoy the comfort of a bed, he doesn’t know when he will be in one next. He goes to move and his breath catches as his cock rubs agains the sheets, already hard. He lets his head drop back down to the pillow. This could be a problem… especially if it continues, especially if it continues while out on the mission with his friends. His dome is not large enough to wake with a hard-on. Especially so close to the person who inspires them.

If she saw, would she offer to help? Calebs mind quickly descends on the fantasy, the Nein all sleeping as Jester notices Caleb’s cock is hard. Her offering to help him with it. Him taking her up on it. He pictures her blowing him, surrounded by his friends. He would of coarse return the favor, and he pictures trying to keep her quiet while he eats her for breakfast. Watching her struggle to not wake anyone as she cums….it makes his cock twitch. That’s interesting… No. This is bad. This cannot happen. He has forgotten that this is even a thing that happens with a healthy human body.

He tosses the sheets off of himself but remains laying there. The cool air caresses his hot skin and he hisses. He moves to take care of himself, but then stops, wondering if he is just encouraging his cocks bad behavior. If he indulges today, will it expect the same treatment tomorrow when they are in the dome?

Maybe it will go away as he gets dressed fo the day. He carefully gets up, trying his best not to make contact, and he dresses. It takes some maneuvering, but he is successful in the end, uncomfortable, but successful. He thinks that maybe no one would notice it if they don’t look too closely. No one pays that close attention to him, well, to his package, so he should be fine. It’s still early, so maybe no one will be up yet. He groans thinking about the upcoming more bounder ride.

He takes a deep breath and tries to walk to the kitchen. Each step causes a spark of electricity throughout his body and by time he gets to the library door, he is panting. He places his forehead against the door, eyes closed tightly, steadying his breath. He reaches one hand down and adds some pressure to his groin and whines as sparks of pleasure corse through him. 

“Fuck” he gasps, his hips rutting against his hand. He cannot do this here, it’s too public. There is no one here, but it is still too public. His mind flashes, and he realizes when his cock jumps again, he likes the idea of public. He pushes away from the door, not allowing himself that pleasure and makes his way back to his room. 

He closes his door behind himself a little too hard for his intention, but doesn’t care right now. He leans his back against his closed door as his mind supplies him with images of Jester bent over his desk with him fucking into her… Jester under his desk taking him in her mouth while he tries to study, Nott and Yeza working on something, completely unaware. His breathing is speeding up and his cock is straining. He bangs his head into his door as he reaches down and releases himself from his pants, there is a stream if precum connecting the head of his cock to his pants. He doesn’t give himself a chance to think, he just fists himself. He refuses to utter the magical words to ease the act with lubrication, his cock doesn’t deserve it. He tightens his fist and tugs himself at an almost brutal pace. He sees himself rutting into Jester against the stacks, in a corner of the library… sees her laid out on a pile of books arching in pleasure as he eats her out loudly and messily, her juices running down his chin, fingers soaked, thrusting into her.

He is so close, he brings his other hand up to his mouth and bites it to stop from screaming as he cums all over his hand, his new clothes, and his bedroom floor. He is spent but refuses to stop. He strokes his oversensitive cock until he is on his knees, tears starting to spring to his eyes. His cock twitches weakly at his relentless pace, and spurts a few more drops before the friction really does become too much. Caleb releases himself and stays on his hands and knees trying to catch his breath. 

When he finally catches his breath, he looks himself over and feels a pang of shame at his lack of self control. He is kneeling in his own cum, cock twitching from the light friction that his pants give it. He carefully rises to his feet to retrieve his wand, casts prestidigitation and cleans himself, his clothes, and his floor, before he carefully tucks his oversensitive cock back into his small clothes and then his pants. He hisses at the small touch and the friction of the cloth, he has jerked himself raw. 

Caleb smiles to himself a little. Maybe the pain with remind him to behave, or at the very least, stop him from having uncalled for erections. Pain has always been a good teacher. 

He looks over the scars on his arms. It was a hard lesson in self control and pain, and he had thought he had learned it… Guess it’s his cocks turn to learn. He looks down at it and thinks that it should have just remained sleeping. He readjusts his clothes, wincing a little when he readjusts his pants, gathered his things and goes to find that breakfast he was wanting. 

He meets Beau and Yasha on the way and if they notice his odd walk, they remain silent about it. Everyone is a little grumpy this morning. He doesn’t think anyone really wants to leave the comfort of this house right now, but a job is a job. Even Jester doesn’t seem 100% this morning. He really hopes this isn’t some sort of sign. 

They finish breakfast in relative silence. Then carry their things out to their more bounders. They saddle up and Caleb questions his decision to train one as Fjord climbs up on Jesters. It must be nice to be that close, have a reason to hold on tightly. He wishes he could do that, hold her close and it not be weird or suggestive. Oh well. They all wave good bye to Yeza and head off. 

Each leap of Yonik sends pain through his chafed bits. He knows this is how it is going to be for at least a week, he deserves the pain, he always deserves pain. It’s at least familiar. 

The group travels the entire day, and there are really no problems. It’s nice to see the sunlight again, to see it set is a marvel. He forgets how much he misses the sun until he is greeted with it. He guesses all that time locked up is what got him used to sunless days. The group seems to be pleased with the sun on their skin. Jester is laughing and smiling with Fjord as they come to a stop. Caleb doesn’t really want to hear what they are saying. He starts in on the bubble. He really hopes he can get through the night without an erection. He hopes it is sensitive enough to be too painful for it to even try. The hut pops open and the nein all file in. They are all tired from the day of travel. Jester and Caduceus take first watch, and Caleb gladly beds down for the night after saying he will take third.

He has another dreamless sleep and is hit with relief when he wakes and has no erection. He smiles to himself thinking that he did well yesterday in handling the situation. So it stings whenever he moves, at least it is not making itself a nuisance. The next day goes pretty much the same as the last, and the day after that. It goes like this for days. Caleb has a lot of time to think, and it is never a good thing. He debates poly-morphing himself into a cat, just so he doesn’t have to think so much, but then who would drive yonik?

When the town comes into view after days, all Caleb can think is finally. He aches, still sensitive, but healing. He is so grateful to have a break from the more bounder ride though. And from sleeping on the ground. 

The town is small, and he once again finds Beau and himself the only humans. He automatically takes out the symbol of the Bright Queen. It is the only thing that has kept him alive in this land. 

“umm, it is almost nightfall, maybe we should find a place…” Caleb starts to tell his group.

“Yeah, somewhere to store our beasts and then a place to sleep.” Fjord adds

“Uhh, maybe you should… yeah… you should take lead.” Caleb pushes, Fjord at least looks like he belongs. 

They find a place for their more bounders, and have a few people to talk to in the morning. They cannot do much more tonight. They find themselves at a table in a loud tavern. He adds to the current conversation on strategy here and there and is starting to feel better, they have a pretty good plan. Their plans never really go how they want them to, but it makes him feel much better knowing that they have one. He sits back in his chair and realizes Jester has been quiet. He looks over to her and watches. 

Her eyes land on each member of their family and lingers as if she is picking through their souls. It’s unnerving to see her dissect them in turn. She has a narrative in her head, he can tell that, then she seems to come to conclusions and moves on to the next. He finds himself wondering if she does this often, and he is just noticing this now. How many secrets has Jester worked out in her head by doing this very thing? 

He looks away when her eyes land on him. His mind is buzzing as she looks at him. There are so many things he doesn’t want her to figure out with those clever eyes. He tries to not blush, but his blood rushes to his cheeks and as time continues under her gaze, it travels lower. He flinches a little at the sting that comes. 

Jester seems to have reached a conclusion about him too, and her eyes slip from his figure. He actually feels its loss. The world feels a little colder without it. He tries to catch his breath, he feels like he had run a marathon, but doesn’t want to show it. She slips from the room after excusing herself. It has been a long day. He finishes his drink and makes sure that Nott will be rooming with him. When she affirms it, he goes upstairs and finds himself falling into a deep sleep. 

He knows he is sleeping. He has to be sleeping… He was just in the tavern… Now, now he is in a forest? Well, a kind of forest… It looks like a forest, but the colors of everything is turned up a notch, and shifted a little, there are deep teals, purple shadows, orange flowers, and lush green grass. It’s the wrong time of day, it looks like twilight, but it doesn’t look like time is moving. There are fireflies everywhere. It really is a beautiful place, a bit spooky with the free floating door and all. Caleb idly thins that Jester would love it here. 

Caleb turns his head to look around and hears a voice.

“Caleb…”

Fear spikes through him, “Who… who’s there?”

“Don’t fear child, I will not hurt you”

Caleb’s eyes shift and there is a cloaked figure in front of him. He scratches his arms a little and tries to focus on the figures face under his green hood. It makes his eyes feel fuzzy. He feels Frumpkin rub up against his leg. 

“Frumpkin?” Caleb hears himself say. 

“I believe your ‘frumpkin’ has been here for a while. Why have you not called him to you?”

“What?”

“Its not important.”

Caleb looks back to where he saw the figure, and they are standing right there, in front of him. This close, he really should be able to see the figures face, but his eyes are doing that weird thing again. He feels like this figure is looking right through him. Looking at his soul, it is extremely uncomfortable. 

“There are holes, missing time, missing pieces, missing… autonomy? Interesting.” 

The figure waves his arm across Calebs field of view, and Calebs head starts to almost buzz. 

“Ohh, child. It’s not your fault, but that is not something you will accept now.”

The figure smiles a little, “I see the appeal though.”

Caleb is really confused. “Wh…what?”

“A little more work is needed before I give my blessing.”

“What?”

“You were supposed to be a smart one, oh well.”

The figure extends one pale hand and pushes against his chest, and he falls backwards, and keeps falling. All the colors disappear into blackness. He falls into a dreamless sleep the rest of the night. 

Jester doesn’t think anyone wanted to leave their house for a mission, but they did. She is exhausted by time they finally get to the town they are looking for. She has been on high alert the last few days. Xhorhas is not a kind land, and if feels like they have been struggling to stay alive here. They end up in a tavern for the night, it is rowdy and full of life. Her friends are together drinking, talking strategy. 

She watches them as they discuss what they will do tomorrow, how they will gather information. Jester just sits there, eating up the company, letting the sounds of their conversation roll over her like a wave. She lets her mind wander across each of them. 

Fjord has eased up around her. He jokes with her again. She had missed it. He seems to have re-connected with her after their talk nights ago. She likes it. He has grown into himself a bit on their travels. Being in the north has helped. There are a lot more examples of his kind here, and they are not all what he would have expected. He gets to see people who look like him acting in all sorts of ways, not just what humans expect. She thinks he if finally understanding that his blood is not an enemy and does not decide who he is. He is letting his teeth grow, taking leadership roles in their group, and not too worried about his appearance anymore. She is really proud of him. 

He gaze shifts to Yasha and she smiles. Yasha has opened herself up to them. Not all the way, but she is trying and Jester thinks that is just beautiful. Yasha is going to be a beautiful flower when she blooms all the way. She does seem a little more comfortable talking with her god as well. She has also noticed the little looks Yasha gives Beau when she thinks no one is looking. Maybe she is healing a little, too. 

Beau sends Yasha little looks too. Jester cannot believe that they keep missing each other. She is not sure if Beau is ready to open up that much to someone yet, and she doesn’t think Yasha would accept anything else. But Beau is making progress too. She is letting herself become more vulnerable with the team. Jester likes to think Beau seeks her out most when she needs comfort or healing, but she knows that Beau and Caleb are close. She still feels super special when Beau comes to her. She has been trying to show Beau how much she loves her, and that she will not be leaving her. Hopefully she is making it easier on Beau, she’s her very best friend. 

Caduceus is still a mystery. Jester knows he has a good heart, but he is still a mystery. She hopes he opens up, she is curious but he’s always kindly evasive. She did like the wild mother when she saw her. She has done a little bit of research when she could, quietly. The wild mother seems trustful, well, as trustful as the traveler anyway. She can trust Cad a bit longer before she really starts to pry. 

Nott is wonderful. She still drinks too much. Jester knows what drinking too much looks like, and she knows what it turns people into. She worries for Nott, but has hope when she sees her with her husband. She is so happy around her husband. Her son isn’t around yet, but Jester cannot wait to see it. She knows its going to make her smile and probably sob uncontrollably. She does worry though, she wonders if Nott will leave them when her family is reunited. This does keep her up sometimes. She couldn’t blame Nott for staying with her family, but knows it would feel like abandonment. She knows it’s coming, but can’t bear to think about it. 

That only leaves Caleb, dear Caleb. Jester allows her eyes to linger. Caleb is still a mystery as well. They all are to varying degrees, but Caleb is cloaked in sorrow and shame. She wishes he would open up to her. She does see the progress in Caleb. He talks to Nott and Beau. He has removed the bandages from his arms on his own, he has called them all family on his own, but she also remembers how he looked a few nights ago, strung out and terrified. She is worried about Caleb in a similar way she is worried about Nott. She worries that Caleb’s unknown goals will diverge from the goals of the group, and she doesn’t know if he would even hesitate to pick up and just leave. She wishes she knew what his goals were, she might feel more comfortable that he wouldn’t just leave them if she did, but, then again, maybe she wouldn’t. It might make things worse. She doesn’t want to loose Caleb, but she doesn’t know what she could do to keep him. 

The traveler said she could help him. She has never questioned the traveler. Has no reason to, he’s always been right, always helped. She hopes he’s right again. She wants to help him. 

He’s also secluded himself lately, it started when Nott got her husband back. He’s been more awkward, less steady, and she knows Nott has seen it too. She’s been too occupied to really do anything about it. Jester wonders if she could step in and be his steadying soul, but that doesn’t feel right. Maybe she can help him be his own steading soul. Yes, that sounds better, but how?

Jester realizes she has been staring and drags her gaze away. She spends a few more minuets just listening to them, and then decides she wants to talk to both the traveler and her mama. 

“I’m going to bed, good night everyone.” She says as she exits. Everyone echos her and she goes to the room she shares with Beau. She sketches to the traveler. She then messages her mama. 

“Hi mama, just wanted to check in and let you know all is well. I love you and miss you so much! Hope you’re safe!”

“Jester! It’s so good to hear you! All is well here, things have calmed down. I miss you so much! Ohh, I did want to..”

Jester smiles. She wanted to cast sending again, but doesn’t have any more spells. She is going to have to wait until tomorrow to find out what gossip the Chateau has. Soon she will see her mama because of Caleb. Soon she will get all the gossip, all the love. She is grinning when Beau comes in.

“You look happy.”

“Mama says life is returning to normal.”

“Glad to hear your mama’s doing well.”

“So am I!” Jester snuggles down in her rented bed. “Good night Beau.”

“Good night Jessie”

Jester turns and falls asleep feeling her mama’s love.


	9. Chapter 9

Caleb wakes, he is still a little confused. That was a very strange dream. He feels, well, he feels ok. He hears Nott breathing beside him and the sound almost lulls him back to sleep. Almost. Instead he closes his eyes and tries to remember the dream. Was there something about Frumpkin? He calls his cat to him and the cat automatically curls up on his stomach, purring. He scratches Frumpkins head. He remembers a forest, and a green cloak? His mind is normally so much clearer than this. He normally remembers everything in perfect detail. The more he thinks about it, the more strange it seems. He swings his legs over the side of the bed and decides to start the morning. He dresses and brings Frumpkin downstairs for some breakfast. 

The whole group gathers down here at differing times, but everyone seems like they are in a better mood now that they have all slept a full night in an actual bed. 

When they are done breakfast and mostly awake, they decide the best mode of action is questioning the people of the town to get a starting point. The momentarily think of splitting up, but decide it might be best to stick together for now. So they do. They questions those they can find. Most are reluctant to talk to them, but a few do talk. It’s almost noon by time they have a real lead on things. They gather what they need and head off, into the sewers… again. Why are they always in the sewers?

Traveling the sewers is terrible. It is a little town, which means the sewers are not really cared for. They are falling apart in some places. After a few hours, they find an area of the sewer that was caved in, and there is a tunnel going off of it. They decide to travel the tunnel, because what could possibly go wrong?

Everything, everything could go wrong. He has been knocked out more than a few times. Jester is trying to keep him and Fjord up. Caduceus it trying to keep Beau and Yasha up, and he cannot even find Nott. That’s not super surprising considering he is knocked out every few seconds. He was just healed a few seconds before, by the taste of it, from a potion. He looks around and he is behind some cover. He leans against it for a few seconds, takes a deep breath and then grabs his molasses and casts slow on the… large demon? He is pretty sure this terrifying creature is a demon, it has two pincers, two arms and then two dragon feet? 

Great! It looks like it caught! 

Calebs blood is pounding in his head, his vision is blurry, but he manages to take cover again behind the bolder. Jester soon joins him, looking both terrified and determined. She hands him a healing potion as she shoots off her guiding bolt to hit. He hears Yasha screaming as metal hits armor, Fjord is somewhere yelling Eldritch Blast at it. He gathers his courage and stands up to shoot the glove of blasting. He is almost tapped, he can feel the exhaustion trying to take him over. He ducks back down, and swallows the healing potion. A few more rounds go on, and finally the beast is dead. 

They are all exhausted as Jester closes the rift, Yasha standing nearby if she needs any help. Beau finds the mechanism causing the rifts and destroys it. Nott looks for shiny things, Fjord close behind her. Caduceus starts asking the wild mother for some healing. Caleb goes into a secluded corner and starts his ritual for their little dome. He is almost asleep where he is sitting when people start filling in. He falls asleep soon after the last person enters, sending Frumpkin to watch. 

Thankfully nothing happens during the night. He is pretty sure everyone just passed out in a heap of exhausted limbs. He feels someone spooning him, and refuses to acknowledge it. They will wake soon and it’s not like it hasn’t happened before. 

Caleb hurts everywhere. The last thing he really wants to do is find the people they need to talk to and then head back on the more-bounders, but he doesn’t really want to stay here either. His brain is a little fuzzy and he ends up snuggling back into whoever is holding him, and falls back asleep. 

Caleb wakes up again when jostled. The dome has disappeared, and he looks around bleary eyed. He slowly starts to rise, and then looks down at the arms around him… they are blue. He freezes and hears his heart beat in his ears. His mouth is suddenly dry. He watches as the arms move from him, he looks back and sees Jester curled up facing the other direction. A sadness hits him and he shoves it back towards the back of his brain. He gets up and starts checking his components. 

“Everyone ready?” Fjord says, trying to get everyone’s attention. 

Caleb looks back to Jester and she is still sleeping. He reaches out a hand to rouse her. He touches her shoulder and gives her a small shake. 

“Jester… it’s time to leave the sewers.”

Jester opens her eyes and looks about as tired as he feels. 

Caleb tries for a small smile, “You don’t want to start smelling like me, ja?” 

He sees his smile reflected as Jester shakes her head and starts to move. 

“Jester, you ok?” Fjord asks, noticing that she is just now getting up. 

“Yeah, just still tired. Everyone kept dieing!”

“Yeah, good thing we have two great healers.” Fjord chuckles a little trying to lighten the mood. 

“Most definitely!” Jester replies as she grabs her pink backpack. “Tell me we at least found SOMETHING good on that guy.”

Beau holds up the mechanism with a shrug, and Jester pouts a bit. She then walks over to where the body fell and starts looking. 

Caleb just gets up and straightens himself out. He then walks over to Beau to look at the mechanism. 

“We really have to find out where these are coming from.” Beau starts

Caleb can only nod in agreement. “They are getting to be a bit much.” He knows it is an understatement but Beau nods. They stand there a few minuets looking at it.   
“Do you know what these markings mean?” 

“No. Maybe when we get back, I’ll see if the shadowhand can get us into the library.”

“I really want in that library.”

Caleb looks over at her, “Do you?”

Beau punches him lightly on the shoulder, “When it is forbidden books, yes, yes, I do.”

Caleb smiles at this and shakes his head as he rubs his arm where she punched him, “I understand that completely.”

“Figured you might.” 

They all gather. There are tired eyes all around, and they decide that they should go tell the mayor that there is no longer a problem here, and then spend the rest of the day in the town and tavern to gather their strength and get more rest before starting off again. Nott brings up Calebs teleportation spell, but Caleb doesn’t think house thelass would appreciate the morebounders coming though just because they don’t want to travel for a few days. They might take the privileges away and then he cannot use it to allow Jester any time with her mother. 

This grabs Jesters attention and she finishes the rest of the convincing. Everyone soon agrees to travel tomorrow after rest, no one wants to make the teifling unhappy or ruin her chances to see her mother again. 

They travel up and out of the sewers, back into daylight. They all squint a little, so unused to it by now, but they are all glad to be in the sun. 

Their walk is slower than normal, and they ignore the looks they get. A group of battered and beaten humanoids, with two humans means they get a lot of looks, but gladly it is only looks. They find the mayor and let him know that the rift is broken, and that there is a bit of sewer was previously destroyed with a tunnel running off of it, and then find themselves back at the tavern. The tavern is quiet at this time of a day with only a few patrons. They find a table and order food and drink and enjoy the reminder that they are all alive and well. By time the food is gone, a majority of them are already deep in their cups and Caleb feels his body try to fall back asleep where he is sitting. 

“Umm, guys, I am going to retire for the rest of the day.” He says while getting up from the table. 

“Everything ok Caleb?” Nott says with concern

“Yeah, I am just still tired from last night and would like to get more sleep knowing we have a full few days journey back to Rosana.” He tries to comfort Nott. 

“Good night Mr. Caleb” Caduceus says, followed by the rest. He waves and heads up the stairs to the room he shares with Nott. 

He starts his nightly routine, pulling his books out and carefully tucking them away, removing his jacket and holsters, and starting to undress. He looks at himself and he is filthy so he grabs his new wand and waves it over himself, cleaning all the much and blood off of him. He hears a knock at the door when he finishes his spell and heads over to it.

“Umm, Hello”

“Caleb? It’s Jester”

He smiles and wishes somewhere deep in the back of his head that it she that he was sharing with, and that there was only one big bed to cuddle in. He opens the door, “Hello Jester, was there something you need?” He steps back allowing her access if she decides. 

Jester steps in and looks him up and down. He is clean. “Did you use your wand? Can you clean me up too?” 

Caleb doesn’t even hesitate to turn and retrieve it again. With a flick of his wrist, the dirt and blood lift off of her and her clothes and she stands there nice and clean. She smiles at him.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

They stand awkwardly and Jester shifts from foot to foot. 

“Caleb?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think we could go see mama when we get back to the house? I miss her and the more I think about our last conversation, the more I think it was a little off.” Jester looks as if she is going to cry. 

Caleb feels a pang of panic in his chest and tries to calm it, “What do you mean? If you are really worried, we can leave now. I still have the spell, I am not sure what we will do about the more bounders, Yonik and Yarnball only like us leading them… and I am not sure Yusahs will like us bringing the three of them into his house, but we will figure something out, if…”

“No, I am sure everything is fine, I am just a little worried. I am going to talk to her tonight. I just wanted to, well, have something to look forward to, I guess…”

Caleb lets out an audible sigh of relief, “We could leave now, all you need is to say the word and I will start working the spell.” Caleb wants to reach out and hug her, she looks so young and worried, but he holds himself back. He wouldn’t want him to touch if he was her. 

“I will talk to her first.” Jester rubs at her eyes and tries a smile. 

Caleb motions to his room, “You can talk to her here, if you want. I could step outside?”

That does make Jester smile a little, “No, Beau is still drinking downstairs, I’ll go to the room.” She turns and goes to the door. Looking back she says, “Thank you Caleb.”

“You’re welcome Jester”

She opens the door and lets herself out. As the door closes, Caleb sits on his bed and pulls out his spell book to brush up on the spell just in case she comes back and they need to go. 

A little time later he hears her in his head, “Mama says everything is fine, so we can wait a few more days…” Caleb thinks she might be ending the message and then hears, “I’m glad your not dead, you had me worried a little there.” And the message ends. 

That last bit made his heart soar a little then he stamps down on it a little. She would say the same thing no matter who it was. He feels the spell reach out and replies, “I am glad your mother is well… and I am glad that we have such a good healer to make sure we are stay alive.” He doesn’t know if the emotion he hears in his own voice can be heard by her, but he isn’t sure if he is bothered thinking that it does. 

He puts his spell book back and finishes getting ready for bed. His whole body does really hurt. When his head hits the pillow, he is asleep. 

The worry Jester has been holding in seems to ease a little with the first syllable her mama says back to her. She was thinking too hard about their last conversation. She was blowing the gossip up too much and then kept running out of spells to check. She was almost in tears when she was speaking to Caleb. All that fear was only made worse when she spoke it aloud in his room. It was a comfort to know that he was willing to stop everything there and possibly make the wizard angry to get her to her mama if she was in trouble. 

She readies herself for bed, the day has been exhausting, and she wanted to talk to the traveler for a little and then maybe read after that. She had told Caleb all was well, and that she was glad he wasn’t dead. He replied, and his tone made her warm and fuzzy all over. It was so, heartfelt. She might have imagined it, and she doesn’t want to put too much thought into it, but it felt like a voice he would only use in private, a tone that spoke of softness. She smiles as she finishes dressing and crawls into bed, sketchbook in lap. She draws to the traveler about the battle, about keeping her friends alive, about the scary demon beast they bested. She tells him of her mama, and asks that he keep watch over her, that he protects her. She goes on to design her next lollypop spiritual weapon, followed closely by her next level spirit guardians. She giggles to herself as she finishes them up. She stows her sketchbook, and takes out her book. She is almost finished. She reads, picturing herself as the lady, of coarse, and Caleb, once again, as the male lead. 

She decides this is how she is going to read every romance novel from now on. Yeza definitely has the right idea. She grows a little hot and bothered as she reads. Her eyes start to have a hard time focusing, and she feels an itch under her skin. She puts the book away and hurries to extinguish the light. She wouldn’t want to be caught, but the thrill of almost getting caught makes her clench. 

Once the light is off, she hurries back to her bed. The wall her bed is on is the same wall that Calebs is, and she quiets down and listens. Her hands roam her body lightly as she tries to focus on the sounds in the next room. She ends up a little disappointed, not hearing any, but then closes her eyes and starts to make up her little fantasy. It starts out as a scene from her book, and while she is already turned on, she cannot seem to get into it. Her mind then turns to a rewrite of the night before. One where her friends are bedded down in a separate corner from her and Caleb. Where they have the privacy of the dome all to themselves and are healthy enough to use it. 

She imagines hushed whispers and greedy hands as they celebrate that they are still alive. Her hands start to trace the paths she imagines Caleb take, all on top of her night clothes. Jester imagines their need being so great they don’t even undress, not fully, and at the first moment she can, she unlaces Calebs pants and sticks her hand in to release him. She strokes him as he pushes her skirts up to locate her. Jester moves her hand to between her legs and feels her wetness. She imagines Caleb commenting on how nice and wet she is as she sticks one finger between her lower lips and locates her clit. She stifles a gasp and imagines Caleb kissing the gasp out of her. She imagines Caleb canting into her hand while he lays her back, his hand still working at her clit, then venturing further to open her. She imagines the wetness on her hands is actually the precum that is coming from Caleb as she teases him, strokes him, and fingers at the tip. She imagines him becoming breathy as he kisses her and adds a second finger to his first. Jester does as she imagines Caleb doing, angling her fingers to hit that spot inside her that makes her see fireworks. She thrusts faster and adds a third finger as she imagines Caleb taking both her arms and pinning them above her head. He kisses her deeply and puts both of her wrists in one hand, then uses his other to line himself up. Jester re-adjusts herself in her inn bed so she has a better angle to thrust her fingers inside of herself, hitting her g-spot continuously. She imagines Caleb thrusting into her, and praising her. He whispers to her in quiet Zemnian as his hips pick up movement. Jester is close, her fingers thrusting into herself with speed and force. Her other hand rubbing at her clit. She turns her face towards the pillow to bite it, cutting off any noise she is making. She imagines Caleb devolving into Zeminan as he gets closer, his thrusts become as erratic as her fingers in reality. She sees Caleb cum in her minds eye as she arches off the bed, making herself cum in waves. 

She settles back into her bed, body weary and satiated, and idly wonders if Caleb could hear her, and what he would be doing if he could. She turns over and makes herself comfortable thinking how nice it felt when she woke up this morning with him in her arms. She is half asleep when she hears her bedroom door open, a stumbling monk enter and flop herself down on her mattress. Jester is sleeping before Beau even starts snoring. 

Jester wakes the next morning a bit grumpy, not really wanting to start out on the morebounders, just wanting to be there so she could leave to see her mama. They all meet down in the tavern for breakfast. 

“Hey guys, guess what, when we get back Caleb is going to take me to see my mama! Isn’t that great!?” Jester tells her half asleep friends. Everyone’s ears perk at this. 

“Really? Right when we get back Jessie?” Fjord starts. 

“Yeah! Isn’t that great. I cannot wait to see her again!” 

“That’s great,” Fjord continues, looking at her in a way that makes her want to squirm, like he is trying to figure something out.

“Yeah Jessie” Beau cuts Fjord off, sharing a look with Nott. “I think it might just have to be the two of you though. Fjord has promised to train with me when we get back, so I can brush up on dodging magic.”

“Yeah, and I need to spend sometime with Yeza” Nott adds quickly. 

“My plants will be missing me,” Caduces says, then looks to Yasha, “I am sure they would like your company as well, if you wanted.”

Yasha looks pleased with the thought of spending time on the roof with the plants, “I would be honored.”

Jester’s sprit lessens a bit, “Well, I guess it could wait a few days, if you wanted.” The sheer thought of it made her a bit sad, but she is sure her mama would like to see her friends again. However, it might be like a date if it was just her and Caleb…

“No Jessie, go see your mom.” Fjord says looking at Beau, a bit unsure. 

“Caleb can always do the spell again when we are all free, I can even bring Yeza then, he’s never been to Nicadronis. I just don’t think you would want us there this time… there wouldn’t be much sightseeing.” 

Jester smiles at Nott, she loves how much the other woman loves her husband. It’s so warm. 

Caleb is quiet this whole time. Jester turns her attention to him, “Would that be ok? Just us going?”

“It will be fine, I told you I would take you to see your mama. When we get back I will.” Caleb says. 

That really is enough for Jester. She turns to Nott, “Does Yeza know how to make healing potions? We burned through a bunch of them in the sewers.” 

Nott thinks about it. “I would assume he would, he is an excellent Chemist. If he doesn’t now, I am sure he can learn how quickly.” Nott turns to Caleb then to Caduceus, “Do either of you know what ingredients he might need to do that?”

“Well, Ms. Nott, I am sure it wouldn’t be too hard to find out. I might even be able to grow a few of them in my garden once we know.”

“I am sure there is a book or two we can find that will tell us.” Caleb assures. 

Nott nods, “I think that would be good for him. I think he might be getting bored and it would be good to feel like he is doing something that aids the group.”

“He keeps the house when we are not there and cleans, Nott, he does a lot for us already.” Beau says, and Nott gives her a full grin.

“He does” Nott agrees with a smile. 

They finish their meal and head out. Their more bounders are ready for them, the stable looks glad to be rid of them. 

“Don’t worry about them yarn ball” She tells her more bounder as she mounts and gives it a little pet. Fjord mounts behind her and they all start off on their journey back home. Jester keeps imagining her grand reunion with a smile. She cannot wait.


	10. Chapter 10

The whole ride back Calebs mind keeps going over their conversation in that tavern. In all reality, his mind has been combing through every conversation he has had for weeks now. He thinks something has changed between Jester and him, and if the conversation in the tavern was any indication, he thinks the group has picked up on it. He doesn’t know how to feel about it. He doesn’t know if he is just imagining it, or if his realization all those nights ago changed the way he sees their interactions. Has it always been like this, and he is just now seeing it, or has it changed…

It has been so distracting, he has been put in the middle of the group because he keeps steering Yonick off course. He mentally slaps himself and tries to make sense of life once more.

Things he knows: 1. He is in love with Jester Lavorre, 2. His past knows the name Lavorre, 3. He has the ability and the knowledge to teleport both of them to see her mother and then come back to xhorhas, 4. His friends know something is up with the two of them, enough so, that they want to stay in a cold, dark city instead of the shinning warmth of nicodronis, 5. He would do anything to make Jester smile and keep that smile in place, and 6. He wouldn’t be able to live if he was the cause of anything happening to Jester or her mother. There are many other things in the mix of mights, could be’s, and wishes, but he has known he was truly fucked for days. 

He does have a mission now though. If Astrid and Edowolf know the name Lavorre, it is only a matter of time before the Ruby finds herself in danger. This worries him greatly. For her flaws, the ruby really is a great mother, maybe short sighted making decisions that he wishes wouldn’t have been made, mostly keeping jester lonely, so lonely she met the traveler, who he is still not sure about. There are a lot of questions in his head about the Traveler. The Ruby, however, had made a wonderful girl in Jester, she is so full of love, and only a good mother could have cultivated that in the face of the loneliness. 

So the Ruby is in trouble. If not now, she will be, and he has brought it upon her. He can not bare the thought of the one person Jester loves most on this plain being taken from her because of him. He hates thinking he is going to be the reason for another family being destroyed. He hates that he is going to be the cause of her tears. 

How does he protect the Ruby from Astrid, Edowulf, and Trent? Just thinking the name Trent gives him a shiver. That really is the question of the trip. The Ruby doesn’t leave her chateau. Ever. So how does he, a dirty, family killing, pathetic excuse of a wizard convince her to come with them? 

He keeps reminding himself that Jester didn’t seem overly concerned. She just missed her mama. He still wants to try to plant a seed. Make her think coming with them was the right thing to do. Maybe he could just offer and she will have missed Jester so much she agrees. Caleb knows he would go anywhere if Jester wanted him to.

Caleb starts coming up with a plan to bring the Ruby to safety. 

The days go by quickly as he thinks and he doesn’t have a plan yet. They board their morebounders and agree to start off the next morning. Jester is so cute and excited and Caleb wants to embrace her, but he is still worried. He hoped the trip would quiet them with a plan, but he still doesn’t have one. Jester wishes him a good night and heads up to her room. Tomorrow morning they travel. He really should get sleep. He tries, and eventually does, but his dreams are fitful and worries are many. 

Jester wakes and is unbelievable excited. There is nothing pressing today, or the rest of the week, and Caleb said they could leave today!

She makes sure to dress in her best clothes and collect the small gifts that she has collected along her journey. She makes sure to take extra care with her hair and adds some jewelry to her horns and makeup to her face. 

Jester looks in the mirror, packs a bag, and hops her way to the library. She is practically vibrating with excitement as she knocks, and opens the library door. She enters and looks around, no Caleb. She ventures deeper and momentarily hesitates at his door. 

Jester shakes her head and knocks, “Caleb? Are you awake yet?” She waits patiently listening, “Caleb?”. She hears a bit of movement and backs away a little to make it look like she wasn’t listening. 

The door opens a bit and Caleb peeks out. He sees her and opens the door fully, “Uhh, Hello Jester.”

“Good Morning Caleb! I was hoping today was the day we could go visit mama!” She is shifting from foot to foot, her bag is still in her hand. She counts the seconds, and feels her smile start to slip. 

Caleb smiles and nods, then looks down at himself, “Give me a few minuets to get ready. Does your mom know we are coming?”

Jesters excitement hits max and she starts jumping in excitement, “Not yet. I wanted to make sure. Thank you Caleb!! I’ll wait here for you!” She turns and perches on the side of his desk. 

She watches Caleb shake his head with a small smile and goes back into his room. 

Jester casts message to her mama, “Hi Mom!! I have great news! Caleb and I are coming to visit! Love you so much! See you soon!”

“Jester, you’re coming today! That’s so great to hear. I’ll keep an eye out for you. Remember, there are people who want to arrest you.”

‘Oh yeah’ Jester thinks to herself. How could she have almost forgotten. Well, that is the reason the traveler taught her to disguise herself. It shouldn’t be a problem. She starts swinging her legs and humming a tune waiting for Caleb. 

Caleb finally comes out dressed and packed. “Ok, ready to go. Let’s remind the others that we are leaving so they don’t worry.”

Jester jumps up and runs to the library door, holding it open for Caleb to walk through. He continues up the stairs messaging Nott, “I’m taking Jester to see her mother, you can reply to this message.” 

Jester watches him stop and listen, smile, and continue on. “Nott says she will tell the others and to have fun.” He turns a little pink when she says fun, and it makes her think those weren’t exactly Nott’s words. “Lets go to the war room, it’s still empty and shouldn’t be too difficult to clean the chalk off.” He continues his ascent. 

Jester muses that she would have a great view of his ass here if he wasn’t wearing his shitty jacket… “Caleb, why are you wearing the old jacket?”

“I wouldn’t want anyone to know we are in Xhorhas from our attire. Just a precaution Jester.”

They continue to the room and he starts getting ready, “It will take a few minuets, double check that you have what you want. I don’t know when we will have time to go again.”

Jester digs through her pack to make sure. She spends the rest of the time watching Caleb drawing on the ground, his book open. 

He finally looks up from his spell, directly at her, He stands and holds his hand out. Jester takes it and they step into the glowing circle. 

It feels like her stomach was left behind for a second or two, air stolen from her lungs. The only thing that keeps her grounded is Calebs hand in hers. 

They ‘land’ a few seconds later and her stomach a few seconds after that. Both of them catch their breath. 

“We made it! Caleb, that was amazing!” Jester says looking around, “This looks like Yusahs tower, right?”

Caleb is smiling looking both at Jester and the room, “Ja, we have landed in the correct place.”

They smile at one another for a second, then Calebs face goes blank, “We didn’t let him know we were coming, did we?”

Jester sees the panic rise in his eyes, “I can message him, Caleb, It’s ok.” And she casts message, ‘Umm. Hi. We met you a few months ago and you let us in to see you sigil. Well, we just arrived to visit my…” the spell runs out before she can finish. Calebs eyes are large, fear seeping though. 

It’s quiet for a few tense seconds, then comes a long suffering sight, “congratulations for making it and for informing me before I killed you. More time would be appreciated prior in the future.”

Jester looks at Caleb and smiles reassuringly. Some of the panic recedes and the door opens revealing Yussah Erenis. 

“Hi.” Jester waves.

“Umm. Hello Yussah Errenis. I am sorry we did not contact you prior to our arrival. We, umm, I needed to bring my companion to see her family. I hope we didn’t cause too much distress.”

Jester watches as Caleb bowes a little to the other wizard and follows his example. “Sorry. I was too excited to think about it.”

The wizard nods and gestures them through the door. He then leads them down to the sitting room the group was in previously. 

‘“I am an early riser, but please make sure to notify me next time.”

“Of coarse, I have brought you some of our firbolgs tea as a thank you for letting us use your sigil.” Caleb reaches into his bag and pulls out a small bag of tea, handing it over. 

This piques Yussahs interest and he gingerly picks up the bag and sniffs it. “this is an acceptable apology Caleb. Thank you and next time bring your friend.”

“I will make sure he knows he is most welcome.” Caleb says. 

Yussahs goblin goes to open the door and Jester stops him. “Just one moment please.” She looks over to the wizard, “I just need to change…” and she motions to her face and casts disguise self.

“Ja, that would be ideal.” Caleb follows up and alters his appearance.

Jester nods towards the goblin. 

Jester changed herself to a beautiful elven woman, short blonde hair, violet eyes,   
tawny skin. Caleb altered his appearance into an elf that looks like Essek, but not a drow, his skin is the same color as Jesters, and his eyes are bright green. 

They make their way out of the tower and toward the chateau. Jester cannot stop herself from skipping, She was going to see her mama again! She is just so excited. Caleb seems like a bundle of nerves walking next to her. “Caleb? Are you ok?”

Caleb looks over to her, “Yes Jester, but… umm maybe we shouldn’t use our real names in public?”

“Yeah, ok, I am liana, you can be Cal.. or is that too close to your actual one?”

“That will be fine, Liana.” He says with a small smile. 

“We really need to get back to ziddash, I am curious about my package.”

“That will be more difficult, I’m afraid”

“Yeah, I know”

They continue their path in silence,. Jester Humming a little, Caleb looking around on high alert. She knows he is nervous, maybe it is just because they aren’t in the group. 

They enter the chateau and Caleb grabs as table as Jester runs up to see her mom. 

She knocks, says the little Sapphire is here, and is allowed to enter. Her mother greets her with a warm hug.

“Jester! How are you?”

Jester drops her form and her mother pulls her back into her arms for another hug. 

“Mama! I am so happy to see you!” Tears threaten to spill as she buries her head into her mother. 

“Jester, my sapphire, there is no reason for tears. I have cleared my entire night, so we can be alone and catch up!”

“Mama, that is so great!”

“are your friends here too?”

“Caleb is downstairs, the rest were too busy to come, but said they would love to come next time.”

“they are always welcome”

“Thanks Mama”

Marion pushes her daughter to arms length to take a long look, soak her in, “So Caleb?”

Jester feels her cheeks heat and cannot look her mama in the eyes. Marion smiles and leans in. “If I remember correctly, Caleb is the red headed wizard, Right? Hmmm, a tough nut to crack, that one. What happened with the charming half-orc?”

Jester face grows hotter, “well, umm, Fjord… is… Ummm, still charming, but that was just… well you know, a crush and, uhhh…. yeah, Caleb is… not a crush… well not exactly, but uhh, I am not really sure, I just know it’s different from Fjord…”

Marion laughs and Jester meets her eyes, “Ohh my darling girl!” Marion cups Jesters face. “I am so glad you are here. If you don’t want to talk about Caleb, we don’t have to, but always trust your heart, you have such a good heart, it can’t lead you wrong.”

“mama” Jester just pulls her mother back into her and hugs her.   
“Jester… we may have a problem… you may reply to this message” Caleb’s voice enters her mind. 

Jester pulls away from her mother and says to the air, “What do you mean by problem? Make your way to the stairs, I’ll let you in”

Jester looks at her mom, “Mama, Caleb says we may have a problem, he is on his way up.”

Marion looks instantly concerned, “what?”

Jester has already moved to let Caleb entry. She’s just in time to watch his disguised self calmly ascend the stairs. He makes eye contact and she can see the fear in his eyes. She stays rooted in place until he is in arms length. She extends her hand, Caleb grips it and allows himself to be pulled in.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The character death happens in this chapter.

Once inside he closes and locks the door and drops his disguise. He turns to the ladies, “Excuse me, I wanted to give you more time before I intruded, but…. uhh… I need to ask you a question, Ms. Ruby.”

This makes Jester nervous, “Caleb?”

Marion steps closer, “Of coarse dear, what can I do for you?” Caleb sees a lot of Jester in her mother and he smiles a little at the resemblance, but remembers he has a task at hand.

“Ja… umm…” Caleb is nervous, he wants to be wrong, “I need to know if you have seen anything like this.” Caleb rolls his sleeves up, revealing the scars. 

Marions eyes grow large, concerned, and she takes his arm. Her concern turns to something very close to fear, and he doesn’t need the answer, it comes anyway, “Celests new favorite lover… I have not seen them, but she talks of them…”

Marion looks lost for a few seconds then looks to Jester, “I thought I told you of them, but didn’t hear anything about it, so I figured it was ok…”

Jester looks terrified, “When Mama? I don’t… I would have been sooner with everyone… I…”

Marion releases Caleb, “A few weeks back.”

And it dawns on Jester, “that was the chateau gossip! IT was cut off mama, I knew there was gossip, but that was all. We can only communicate in 25 words or less.”

Jester looks over to Caleb as understanding dawns on the Rubys face. 

“Caleb, what happened downstairs?”

Her voice is devoid of it’s usual humor. She knows the danger. 

Caleb double checks the lock and starts to close the shutters. “I saw her… and if she is here, he is not far behind. I am so sorry Ms. Levorre, we are in grave danger, and we will have to go, you should come with us now.”

“Caleb, mama doesn’t leave the chateau, She… I cannot leave mama here knowing they are here, Caleb?”

Caleb is on autopilot and puts Jesters bag in Marions hands. “Put what you need, what you cannot do without, in here, we do not have much time.”

“CALEB!” Jester stage whispers, and he turns. 

“Yes Jester! I know, I know this is my fault, I know your mother doesn’t leave, I know you cannot leave her, I know we cannot leave her but we are no match for them. Even if we were all together, we would be no match, and I know I cannot leave you. So what do we do? Stay and Die?” It’s the most he has said in days, and Jesters eyes are wide, “She SAW me Jester, If we stay, we die.” He goes to he door, listens and sends Frumpkin to keep watch. 

Jester looks lost for a second, and then resolve falls over her features, “Mama, we have to go.”

“Jester, I…. I can’t… I”

“Mama, we HAVE to, please…. they…” She grabs Calebs arm, “they did this to someone they liked. One of their own!”

Caleb feels like he is going to be sick. It must show because Marion starts packing. She looks beyond terrified, but she is packing, and Jester is helping. 

Caleb goes to the window and peeks out. He feels a chill race up his spine… Edowulf… he jumps away from the window. 

“WE must Hurry.” He tells them. 

“Do we know they know we are here?”

“She saw me.”

“But you were disguised.”

“Jester, she saw me, and she knew me.”

Jester turns to hurry her mom along. 

“Jester, if they come here, you have to dimension door your mom to safety, and keep going. Run. Do NOT come back for me, Understand?”

Jester stops and looks at Caleb, determination written all over her face, “We are not leaving you, I am not leaving you Caleb”

He feels his love for her grow in that moment. 

“You might have to”

“It’s out of the question.”

They stare each other down, neither budging, he looks away first, “Help me move this to block the door.” He grabs the end of a dresser. 

Jester nods and moves the dresser in front to the door and then helps him clear the floor. He takes out his chalks to start the circle. 

“This will take a minuet, be ready to go.” He watches Marion nod and quicken herself packing. Jester stands ready for a fight between the door and them. Just in case. 

Caleb takes a breath, clears his mind, and gets ready to start. His blood runs cold when he hears a familiar voice.

“Bren? Oh Bren, we know you’re here… The Ruby’s schedule has been cleared, she would only do that if her daughter was here. If she is, so are you. Bren? We will find you Bren.”

There is a knock at the door and his mind goes blank with PANIC.

Jesters first thought was how cold the woman voice was. That’s Astrid, the woman Caleb loves, and she sounds so COLD.

She glances back at Caleb and just knows something is wrong. The knock comes again and there is a full body flinch from him. She steps away from the door, heart hammering and touches Calebs shoulder, eyes never leaving the door. 

“Cal, we NEED YOU.” She shakes him a little, “You can panic later, we need you NOW!” She watches the door know jiggle. 

A deeper voice comes next, “Come now Bren, there’s no reason to keep this door closed. Open up. Bren, if you cooperate, the tieflings will be spared. I’ll count to five Bren, once I get to five, things will be much less civil…. One”

“Cal, They will kill ALL of us, please, come on!”

She watches Caleb come back to himself. His hands are shaking as he starts. Jester motions her mother to take cover close to the circle, behind Caleb. The ruby understands immediately, grabs Jesters bag and another, and hurries over to where Jester indicated. 

Jester readies herself. 

“Five” the deep voice finishes and the door explodes. 

Jester brings her lollypop to life and hits both of them once she sees them. They recover faster than she wants, but makes sure she is blocking her mom and Caleb from their view. 

She is hit with a spell that starts to slow her movements, but shakes it off as she is hit with another that steals all her breath from her lungs and feels like it is draining her. 

Jester grits her teeth and holds onto the travelers symbol. She looks to the large man and casts banishment, and just like that, he is gone. She then uses her lolly to push Astrid back further out of the room. 

“Please hurry!” Is all she can say before Astrid is regaining her balance and looking at her with complete malice. Jesters heart beat quickens but she still hears Caleb behind her working on his spell. 

“You are surprising small one.” Astrid calls over to her as a cone of snow and arctic air is summoned and shot from her hand. 

Jester tries to make herself large enough to cover her loved ones. She hears them both grunt and spares a moment to look back. Her mother is still able to shield herself, so she didn’t get hit much, Caleb looks worse for wear, but is still working on the spell. 

Jester hits Astrid with her lolly again and then with a sacred flame. Astrid takes a healing potion form her pack, downs it and hits jester with a spell that starts to lock her body up. 

“Jester!” Her mother calls, and the fear breaks her of the spell,. She needs to save them. She feels her concentration waiver but holds firm. She hits Astrid again, and sends another sacred flame. She is hit with another cold spell and fights to hold on to her concentration. She attacks again. She feels very close to passing out and dangerously close to releasing the large man. They both attack again and Jester is unsteady on her feet. She Just has to buy time, just enough time for mama and Caleb to get to safety. 

She heals herself and takes another swipe with the lollypop. 

Astrid grins, “I am going to taker her from you Bren! You will live with her death on your hands!” And she aims another spell at Jester. It hits and her world goes black.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. Things are crazy. Enjoy.

Caleb hears Marion scream and knows. He just knows.

He holds on for a few more seconds to finish the spell and pushes Marion, who has moved to get Jester, into the circle. He turns back just as Edowulf reappears. Edowulf looks him in the eyes, smirks, and throws a spell directly at Jesters unconscious body. 

Caleb screams and throws all of what is stored in the glove of blasting in their direction, grabs Jesters body and backs into the circle, disappearing from Nicodronis, Astrid, and Edowulf. 

He lands in Roshonna and hears Marions still screaming and crying. He collapses to the ground making sure he cradles Jester from any further damage. He cannot feel anything, not right now, not when he is fumbling for the healing potion he has. He gets it and pours it down Jesters throat. “Don’t leave me!”

Marion kneels next to them, clutching Jesters bloody hand and sobs her name. 

Caleb feels his heart fall, the potion didn’t work, she’s….. “NO!!” He yells and grabs his wire. 

“Caduceus! It’s Jester! We need you now! I’m making my way over, meet me on the way. Please tell me you have Revivify prepared”

Marions eyes meet his, full of tears, fear, and grief and he knows his eyes match. “We need to move her now.” He says, panic flooding his words. She nods and together, they pick Jesters body up and leave, pushing their way through curious drow. 

They move as fast as they possibly can, and Caleb almost sobs in relief when he sees Caduceus running towards him. He makes it a few more feet before he is practically throwing Jester into Caduceus’ arms, his magic already forming. He lays her down as he casts… and they wait. They form around the two clerics, silent and terrified. 

Nothing happens… she is still laying there and panic constricts his throat as Cad looks at him. “How long has it been Caleb?”

“Uhh… Three Minutes.” 

He watches with horror as Cad picks up Jesters dead body. “this will require more, stronger magic, she has been gone too long.” Everyone is holding their breath, tears in their eyes, “I know the spell needed, but need time to prepare. I cannot do it until tomorrow.” Cad starts walking back, carefully carrying Jester’s body and sees him cast something else. Caleb feels himself break a little more, Astrids voice ringing in his head. 

“Caleb, what happened?” Beau asks

Caleb holds his hand out for the Ruby to lead her to their house. The Ruby takes it, tears streaming down her face. Caleb feels cold. He’s so cold. He can’t even feel the warmth from the Ruby’s hand, maybe she’s gone cold too. Maybe everyone has, now that…. Now that Jester’s gone. 

“Caleb?” 

“They were waiting for us Beau”

“they?”

“Astrid and Edowulf…. A letter was sent in Zidash inquiring about Astrid, signed with the name Levorre….” He hears himself say. Beau nods, remembering the conversation. 

Caleb hears Nott gasp and whimper, but he is too raw and too numb at the same time, he cannot do anything more than follow Caduceus.

He knows Beau wants to ask more, but holds off, they must look like hell. 

They get back to the house and move somethings around. They gather stuff to make Marion comfortable, move a table into the war room to lay Jester upon it. He tries to straighten up her dress, her hair, and her face. She looked so beautiful this morning, she did her hair and her makeup to see her mother…

No one knows what to do, they just stand around Jesters body. 

“I will ready the ritual tomorrow, but I must warn you all… it is not a guarantee.”

There is an audible intake of breath from everyone and Cad raises his hand to indicate that he isn’t finished. “I’ve not performed this, there are supplies I need to go gather, and, well, I will need help from three of you. There are offerings that need to be made and we have to convince her soul to return. I suggest those three people be selected now, before we start, so they can prepare as well. Everyone should be present tomorrow too, she might need all of us. “ 

They stand there, in silence. 

“I will do anything required to bring my daughter back” the Ruby states, voice grief stricken, but strong. Caleb can’t bring himself to look at her, not when he is responsible for such a loss… 

“Beau speaks up next, “I’m in, 100 %”

“Ja…. Me too.” Caleb hears himself say, and while it scares him, he knows it has to be him. He’s the reason she is gone, he will not rest till she is back. He sends Frumpkin to curl up beside her, keep her company, maybe his purr will give her some comfort, wherever she is.

“Cad, I can run out and get any supplies you need.” Nott says, tears in her eyes, emotion in her voice. 

“Yeah, I’ll escort Nott” adds Fjord. 

Caduceus nods and motions for them to follow him. “I’ll make you a list.” They leave the room with Caducesus trying to explain the exact supplies he needs and what he needs to prepare. 

Yasha reaches out to Marion, “Jester… painted my room when we moved in… You can use it tonight, you know, to feel her, be surrounded by her… I…”

Marion shakes her head, and takes Yasha’s offered hand, “Thank you, I… I think I would like that.” 

Yasha nodds and tears stream down her face as she leads Marion out of the room and into her own. 

Soon only Caleb and Beau remain keeping Jester company. 

Caleb feels a squeeze to his shoulder, “Caleb”

Caleb hears the little broken sob that leaves him. 

“You can’t blame yourself for this.”

“I can beau, it is my fault. They were looking for me, they were there for me. They knew this would hurt me, they attacked her unconscious body to hurt me because they saw us escaping.”

Beau’s arms wrap around him. “We’ll bring her back”

“What if she doesn’t want to come back? What if she can’t?”

“Then we will burn them all to the ground and go to wherever she is and get her back” Beau’s voice is hard and angry and gives Caleb hope. He knows she will be by his side to retrieve Jester any way they can. 

They stay like that for a while, staring at Jester. 

Beau breaks off with a sniffle, rubbing at her eyes. “I’ve got to hit something” She says. Caleb nods and she goes, closing the door behind her quietly. 

Time passes and Caleb is frozen, staring. He feels Essek enter, feels him put a hand on his shoulder. 

“I see now what the uproar was about. I am sorry.”

Caleb flinches at the word sorry, this is not over yet. “We bring her back tomorrow.” He knows his jaw is stiff and he says it though his teeth, but he cannot bring himself to care right now. 

Essek releases his shoulder, “Is there any assistance I can give?”

Caleb wants to scream at him, but thinks and reaches into his shirt. He pulls out the pendant, “Do you know what this is?”

Esseks face shows no change in emotion, “I do…”

“I need at least one more.”

“that is not a … small request.”

“I know… but I will gladly pay the price. If you could even locate the correct supplies, I will learn to enchant it and make one… I just… I can’t” and tears enter his vision again chocking off any words. 

“She means a lot to you” it is not a question, and is followed by silence. He eventually nods and says, “She is very charming, let me see what I can find.” He turns to face Caleb and puts a hand on Caleb’s shoulder until he looks at him. “Clean yourself up, get some rest, Jester will still be here when you return.”

“Essek…. I…”

“We will talk later, after. Take care of yourself Caleb Widogast, I will be back when I know something.” And Essek departs. 

Caleb stands there a little longer, he approaches her and takes her cold hand. He squeezes it and messages Beau, “Can you come up and keep Jester company while I clean up a little?”

“Caleb, she’s not… “ He hears her blow out a breath, “Ok, I am coming. “

It is only a few minuets before Beau comes in and Caleb leaves, not able to look at her. He returns to his room and washes. He gets dressed in new clothes, grabs his spell work, and heads back up. When he enters, Beau nods and heads back out. 

Caleb camps out there, sometime alone, sometimes with the Ruby. Beau brings them dinner and cleans it away. Fjord comes in to check on them, gives them water, tells Jester he’ll see her tomorrow. Yasha sits with them for a little and tucks a flower in her hand. Nott comes in and asks to speak to Jester alone. They leave until Nott says they can come back in. Caleb hugs her when he notices the tears, lets her cry into his shoulder. Yeza comes to collect her after a while, when all her tears are gone. 

They are alone again, but Jester still looks lonely, so he sends Frumpkin to lie next to her, to keep her warm. He feels the Ruby’s eyes on him and tries not to let the nerves show. 

“What are you to my daughter?” 

Caleb closes his eyes, “I am what we all are, I am her friend, a wizard she has to continuously heal, and evidently a liability.”

The silence falls and she is still studying him, not satisfied with his answer. “What is she to you?”

Caleb looks at her now, eye to eye, and figures he will give her the truth, she will hear it tomorrow at the ritual anyway, “Umm..” He clears his throat, “Your daughter, Jester, well… she is everything to me.” He can’t hold her gaze after he finishes. He looks back down at his research. 

Beau comes in after a few hours with bedding, “You look like shit Caleb, I suggest you sleep in your bed, but doubt you will listen, so… here, be stubborn.” She tosses the bedding at him, “I’ll tell Jessie how much of a stubborn wizard you are when she wakes.” Beau makes a face at him. She heads over and tells Jester good night, then turns and does the same to The Ruby and himself. She leaves, just as she came. 

Caleb stares at the bedding and hears the Ruby get up and move to Jester. She holds her hand and puts her other hand on Jesters cheek. “Good night my little Sapphire, I will see you tomorrow.” She leans down and hisses her forehead. 

Caleb looks away from the moment, he feels like he is intruding. 

“Caleb”

He looks to the Ruby. 

“You should try to get some rest, and just so you know,” She takes a deep shuttering breath, “I know you didn’t intend this to happen, and I know you did your best to get us out.”

He feels tears roll down his cheeks and she approaches, cupping his face the same way she did Jesters, “You tried, son, I saw it, I know you did.” She kisses his forehead the same way, “Try and rest, tomorrow will be an emotional day, either way.” And she departs. 

Caleb cries. He cries more than he thought he could anymore. It has been years since he has cried this much and he feels like his heart is breaking. He sobs and when he is done, he sets his bedding close to Jester. He knows he won’t sleep, but he wants to be close. Hours pass and the tears dry on his face. His eyes close, only for them to be startled awake by a green cloaked figure. 

The figure isn’t looking at him, he is fixing up Jesters clothes, smoothing back her hair, muttering to himself, “Child, brave child, so soon… too soon. Your friends will call on someone tomorrow, I hope they reach far enough, I hope they tell no lies.”

Caleb watches the figure cup her face, “The world is darker without your mischievous light.”

Caleb must have made a noise because the figure looks over and down at him. Caleb’s breath catches, this figure is familiar.

“Be true.” The figure tells him. “Sleep” he commands and Caleb is sleeping.

He wakes a few hours later, the figure is gone, and he feels like he has slept a full night. He looks over Jester, her clothes were mended and cleaned. Other than that, she looks just as she did. Caleb spots her holy symbol and takes it in his hand for inspection, and he knows. 

“Traveler” he says into the emptiness, “We need her… I need her.” He releases it, folds up the bedding and clears the area around her. 

He goes back to his books. 

He is only disturbed from reading when Caduceus comes in, breakfast in one hand, tea in the other. He silently offers Caleb both. Caleb accepts. 

“Are you ready for today?” Cad asks half way through breakfast. 

“Ja… I think so… you?”

Caduceus looks a little nervous but says, “She will come back if she is meant to. I have everything I need for the ritual, Nott and Fjord were thorough.” He smiles reassuringly to Caleb. 

Caleb nods and looks over at Jester, “When do we start.”

“When everyone is done breakfast, no one slept very well, strength is needed for what we are about to do.”

Caleb feels guilty for feeling rested, but remembers it was a ‘god’ who put him to sleep, her god. 

Cad picks up the dishes and leaves with them. He returns later with the rest. They all look nervous as Cad walks them through the process. They decide the Ruby will talk first, then Beau, then Caleb. All three of them look like they will be sick. Candles are lite, spices and flowers laid out and Cad starts his ritual. They all circle her joining their hands, hoping she can feel them all there, her family, awaiting her return. 

They stand there while Cad finishes, tears running down their cheeks. Cad gestures to the Ruby and instructs her about what is needed. 

She walks up to Jester, breaking the circle that everyone rejoins behind her. She unfolds an old Childs drawing depicting a red skinned woman, a blue skinned man, a blue skinned child, and a green cloaked child. 

“My darling, little Sapphire.” She starts. “You know the fear I hold of the world. I have been willing to leave my chateau only twice in my life. Once was for your father, but that love wasn’t enough. The second time was for you.” The Ruby bruises her hand through Jester’s hair, along her cheek. And takes her hand. “My love for you knows no boundaries. I am here with you and your friends, away from my safe chateau for you, because I love you. Please come back to me, my little Sapphire. Let my unending love lead you back to me. There is still so much you need to show me. I love you with all of me, come back my darling little Sapphire.” She kisses her daughters forehead. “Come back home Jester.” She breaks into sobs and rejoins the circle. 

The air feels different, it feels like the world has stood attention and is listening. There seems to be a green glow and a scent of flowers. Beau breaks off of the circle and goes, removing her jade necklace and placing it around Jesters neck. She puts one hand on Jesters forehead, the other clutches onto her hand like a life line. Caleb understands that. 

Beau tries to start, but has to take a moment and clear her throat. “Hey Jessie.” Beau smooths Jesters hair away form her face. “I didn’t know a lot before you. I didn’t know people could be so genuinely kind before you. I didn’t know that one person could light up the an entire room before you. I didn’t know life could be fun before you. You Jessie, were my first real friend, my first glimpse at what life could be, the first person I would put before myself. 

I would follow you anywhere if you asked, but Jessie, you went somewhere I can’t follow. Jester you are my family, my sister. You showed me loneliness can turn into true beauty. You showed me there are many ways to love, and that there are people that will accept and love me no matter what I have done. No matter how short tempered I am. No matter how much trouble I am. You made me feel worthy instead of worthless. You taught me that my vulnerabilities will not always be turned into weapons, sometimes they are nurtured and made stronger. You are the family I never had. I need my crazy, mischievous, Jester sister back. I love you Jessie, come back to us.” Beau is openly sobbing. 

It amazes Caleb at this moment how similar they really are. Beau leans down and kisses Jesters cheek, then returns to the circle. 

The room itself feels like it is breathing, Like its the only thing that is in existence. Caleb thinks it might as well be, his life is lying dead on that bed, but not for long if he can help it. 

Caleb swallows the lump in his throat as he releases the hands he was holding and breaks the circle. He approaches. 

He stands there, feels the electric in the air making all his body hair stand on end. He reaches into his jacket and produces his book. Not his spell book, his other, more important one. Be true, he thinks and he places the book in her arms, leans in and starts, “Jester, my leibling. I could repeat everything your mother and Beau said, and it would all be true for me as well, as it is for everyone in this room. This book is the one you have tried to get a hold of so many times. I have always taken it before you could open it. There is reason, blueberry. I couldn’t bare you knowing everything, I feared your judgement, know I couldn’t live if you were disgusted with me. I regret that now. I regret judging you harshly and not giving you the choice.” He stops to breath. “This book, my heart, is my soul laid bare for you. Everything, every sin, every digression, every regret. It’s yours to read. Yours to judge. Just yours.” Caleb lifts her hand to his lips and kisses her knuckles, whispering. “I am yours if you would have me, my love.” Into her skin. He lays her hand back down and lifts her symbol of the traveler. “I know you are here traveler, I know you probably have been this whole time. I remember you, from before. You have my word that I will do the work. It will be done. Just bring her back to us, bring your daughter home to me, or so help me, I will come and get her.” He lays the symbol on top of his book and touches her face. “Come back to me, my heart.” He returns back to join hands with the circle, tears staining his face. 

Caduceus finishes the ritual. 

The shadows in the room deepen.

A shadow of a cloaked figure stands next to Jester and is joined by another, more luscious one. 

Verdant arms sprout from Caduceus and embrace the room in a gentle, peaceful darkness, surprising the candles light. 

Silence falls as the candles relight themselves. Silence, followed by a deep intake of breath as Jesters chest rises with the breath of life. 

Caleb falls to his knees as everyone converges upon Jester. He collapses into himself, tears and sobs racking through his form, grateful, so grateful. 

Jester is surrounded by a comforting darkness. She opens her eyes and finds herself in a forest at twilight. There are golden orbs floating about. Its really pretty and peaceful here. She finds a fallen tree covered in moss to sit upon and wait. She doesn’t know what she’s waiting for, but she waits. 

She starts to hear voices in the distance. All voices of people she knows. All jumbled together until she hears her mama, clear as a bell. She sounds so sad. She speaks of her fear of the world and Jester feels her heart start to break. Her mama then talks of her love and asks her to come home while in tears. Jester stands. ‘Home’ she thinks, and looks around at the forest. ‘This isn’t home, I should go home.’ Jester turns around. ‘How do I find home?’

Then Jester hears Beau. Beau sounds so hurt and vulnerable as she talks about their relationship. Jester follows Beaus voice, follows it into darkness and starts to run when Beau calls her family. She tells her she loves her and to come back and Jester runs harder. Blind. She yells for Beau when she no longer hears her. 

Tears start to fall in the silence. Jester stops running and tries to focus on the voices. She closes her eyes and listens. 

“Jester my liebling.” She hears Caleb, clear and strong. Her eyes open. She moves again reaching in the darkness as he tells her of his past being hers to read. There is a speck of light in the distance. She starts running to it as she hears, ‘I am yours, if you would have me, my love.’She screams as she gets closer to the light, “Caleb! Beau! Mama! I’m trying! I’m coming!” And she breaks into the light. It’s blinding, but she looks around. She sees the beautiful red headed woman. Sees her kind smile and then sees the familiar form of the traveler. Both hands are extended. She looks at them. 

“We are here to bring you back to your family, if you want to return to them.” The traveler says and she runs to them. 

“Yes!” She says, breathlessly, as both of their hands reach theirs. The world returns to black as she feels her chest expand, gasping in breath. 

Her eyes open and she sits up, just catching the book before it falls. As if summoned, her family surrounds her, “I made it.” She says as she is hugged, kissed and passed to the next. There are smiles and laughter and she has a moment to see they are back in Xhorhas, and her mama is there!

“Mama! You’re out of the chateau!” She is enveloped by her mother who is crying. 

“You are back my Sapphire!” Jester hugs her mother deeply and sees Caleb on the floor behind her. 

“Caleb?” Jester untangles from everyone and approaches him and sinks to the floor in front of him. “Caleb, this is yours.” She tries to hand him back his book. 

Caleb is looking at her like she is the only person in the entire universe. There are tears still clinging to his eyes. 

“Nein, it’s all yours,” he pushes the book back into her hands, “read it, then come find me. I’ll most likely be in the library.” He smiles and reaches for her. One hand cups her face, the other snakes through her hair. He is looking at her with such tenderness and love. He pulls her into him and places a soft, chaste kiss to her lips. 

Electric corses through her body, and then all too soon he’s releasing her. He stands, a blush on his face and leaves the room, telling her to read the book, please. She wants to run after him and tell him she doesn’t have to, but she cannot make her limbs move fast enough. She is just exhausted, and clutches the book to her chest like a lifeline and is once again descended on by her friends and family. She is so happy, she feels like she is going to burst!

Caduceus is ready with some tea and a restoration spell, “You will feel really tired for the next few days. Drink this, it will make you feel a bit better.”

Jester takes the tea gratefully, “Thank you Caduceus”

Cad smiles, “How about we get you to bed?”

Everyone nods and help her to her feet, They corral her through to her room, Beau running ahead opening the door, fluffing her pillows, and pulling her bedsheets down so she can just slip in. 

“I would like to spend some times with my daughter, alone…” The Ruby speaks up. Everyone looks at both Jester and the Ruby, nod, and leave. The Ruby has not stopped touching her, almost like she has to keep reassuring herself that her daughter is ok. 

“Lets get you in something more comfortable for bed.” The Ruby starts going though her dresser to find her night clothes.

“Mama… you don’t have to…”

“Jester, let me help you, please. I… I…” Marion turns when she finds something and her face is streaked with tears. Jesters heart breaks a little, but there isn’t really anything she can say to make her mother feel better. 

Marion undresses her daughter, bit by bit, making sure everything is folded neatly and put in a neat pile. She handles Jester with gentle hands and starts singing a lullaby she always sung to Jester when she was a kid. Jester feels loved under her mothers care. Marion removes the pile of folded clothes from Jesters bed to her dresser and retrieves a a damp, warm cloth. She washes Jesters face free of any makeup, her hands and feet free of any dirt, and dresses Jester in her night gown. She puts the cloth away, and retrieves Jesters brush. Jester smiles. It reminds her so much of being a child that it is comforting and safe. 

Marion leads Jester to sit on her bed and brushes her hair, still singing. She lays the brush down and Jester curls up in her mothers lap. Marions fingers keep running through her hair. Jester can feel herself dozing contentedly. 

“Your friends did amazing today, darling. They love you so much.” Jester hears the emotion chocking her voice but her mama continues, “they see you for the amazing woman you are and for that, I am eternally grateful to all of them.”

Jester opens her eyes to gaze up at her mother.

“My Sapphire, my beautify Sapphire. I believed Caleb, when he threatened to go wherever you were and bring you back himself. I believe that no one in that room would hesitate to join him in that mission.” Marions eyes well with unshed tears, “I would have joined him in that mission, though I don’t know what I would have been able to provide.”

Jester gets up from her mothers lap and hugs her mother tightly. She cries into her mother, there are so many emotions swirling around in her, she cannot figure out if the tears are sad or happy. She thinks maybe they are a little bit of both. Marion joins her and they sit like that, entangled in each other, crying into each other. They cry until they can no longer. 

“Mama, I am sorry…”

“For what my Sapphire?”

“For abandoning you.” And as she says it, she knows that is how she feels. She knows she should have been stronger, should have had a better plan to get everyone out, shouldn’t have made her friends worry and mourn. She feared her friends abandoning her, feared everyone abandoning her, she never thought she would be the one who abandoned the people she loves and it tears at her. She doesn’t hear the first few words her mama says, “Mama?”

“Jester, you never abandoned us. You were taken.”

“I still left!” 

Marions in tears again, stroking Jesters face trying to clear the tears away. “Did you want to leave?”

“NO! I would never want to leave, I love everyone so much, I would never…” a broken sob comes from Jesters chest. 

Marions cups her daughters face and brings her eyes to meet, “I know… I know. You didn’t want to go, so you didn’t abandon anyone. You were taken from us, but.” Marion sniffles, “You came back. I don’t know how, and maybe, maybe one day I will ask, but you came back. Caduceus said you might not, and that there were many reasons you might not, but you did. That is what matters.”

Jester sits there shaking and feels herself pulled back into her mothers embrace. They sit like that until Jester stops shaking, until Jesters eyes start to grow heavy and she yawns. Her mother lays her down on the bed and cuddles up beside her, still holding her, “Go to sleep my darling, I will be here when you wake.”

Jester nods into her mother and finds a dreamless sleep. 

Jester wakes a few times before she is really ready to get up. Her mother is there each time, in the same position, holding her. She cuddles deeper into her mothers warmth and falls back asleep. 

She wakes again and her mother is sitting on the bed next to her, turning Calebs’s journal over in her hands, not opening it, just looking at it and turning it. Jester moves a little and her mother looks over at her. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Still tired…”

Her mother nods and turns her body completely in Jesters direction. She fiddles with the journal a little more, looking like she is trying to come to a conclusion. She nods to herself puts the journal in one of Jesters arms. “So… Caleb?”

Jester looks at her mom, still sleepy. She looks down at the journal, “Mama, did you read Calebs journal?”

Marion shakes her head no, “No, my dear, I didn’t. I am curious, but he gave it to you as… an offering? It’s not for me to read.” 

“Than what about Caleb?”

“You love him.” Marion smiles, “And he loves you.” Jester takes a breath to say something, but her mama raises a finger to stop her. “Trust your mama on this one Jester. He did not leave your side while you were… well, he did not leave your side, but Jester… I need you to read this journal as if you didn’t already love him. Read it. Re-read it, and then read what is not written. Read what only lives in the spaces in between.” 

Marions fingers brush the spine, “I don’t know what lives in these pages, I only know that it is important. The way he spoke of the book, how much pain was in his voice, how much effort he put into leaving it in your hands, it means a lot. And, well, Jester, those two people… they were his friends. They are not now, but they were, and while I do owe him a debt I can never begin to repay, that worries me.”

Marion takes her daughters hand in her own, “I know what it is like to fall in love with a man you do not know. I know how that ends. He has handed you the key, the key to everything that has made him who he is today, and the key to what he will become, and what he can become. He has asked you to read it, and you owe it to yourself to read it, to understand it. Love blinds you, but here you are asked to make whatever decision you are going to make, with both eyes open. He is terrified, anyone would be after allowing another person to see them, really see them. You owe it to him to really look.”

Jester sits up in bed, holding the book in her lap, turning it over in her hands like she saw her mother doing earlier. “Mama… do you really think there is something in this journal that will change the way I see him?”

“I don’t know, but I believe he believes that.”

Jester really looks at the journal. It’s water damaged, dirty, and worn. She can tell it has seen a lot, and that it probably hasn’t left his side in a very long time. She thinks about how close he kept it to himself, how protective he was of it and it worries her. What if he has done something that she couldn’t even imagine. What if he really is a bad guy. Is it possible for her heart to break because of a few sheets of paper? She doesn’t know, but is scared to find out. 

Jester looks to her mother and Marion brushes her fingers along Jesters face, then kisses her forehead and stands. “You don’t have to delve into it now. I think you should probably get some more rest before anything… but… I don’t want you falling into something that will cause you pain.”

Jester knows her mom is trying to help, and is right. She debates putting the book on her nightstand, and then puts it under her pillow. If Caleb defended it so fiercely, she should too. “I know mama, I will read it. I promise, plus I would hate to fail if Caleb tested me on it.” She smiles at her joke. “I love you mama.” She says and then yawns. Maybe she does need more sleep. 

“I love you too, my Sapphire.” Marion leans down and tucks Jester back into her blankets, “Dream of great things.” And she leaves the room. 

Jester watches her go with heavy eyes. The warmth of her blankets calling her back to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel the need to warn everyone, there is a panic attack in this chapter. It also mentions past child abuse. Seriously, Trent Ikithon is a terrible human being with lots of power, and terrible people with lots of power do terrible things.

Caleb went straight into seclusion after the ritual. He headed straight to the library, then figured it was still too public for his current mode of panic, and went into his room, locked the door, then pushed some light furniture against the door. He looks at his work, knows it is ridiculous, but it still makes him feel a little less buzzy. He finds a clear corner of the room and sinks into it.

He sits there focusing on his breath, trying to calm it down, trying to return it to normal. It works, until he starts thinking about everything that transpired, and then his breath returns to gasping. He puts his head in his hands and calls Frumpkin to him. Frumpkin comes, like the good boy he is, and curls into Calebs’ lap, purring. Frumpkins purr is a great thing to focus on, so he does, closing his eyes. His breath returns to normal. He still focuses on Frumpkins purr. 

He opens his eyes when he trusts that he won’t devolve again. After a few minuets, he rises from the floor. Still taking deep breaths. He re-starts his brain by doing small tasks. ‘Remove Jacket, remove books…book… one book’ he thinks and his breath starts to quicken again, and he shakes the panic forming in his head back out. ‘remove shoes, remove belt, turn down sheets, wash face…ONE book…’ His mind returns to the empty holster where his journal stays and he feels himself start to pace. He tries to talk himself down mentally, and when that doesn’t work, he starts talking out loud.  
“Stop, don’t panic, it was to bring her back. Jester is back. It was a sacrifice to bring her back.” He tells himself

‘You killed her… you were the reason she died… once again you killed someone you love, how long until you kill her again?’ His brain supplies. 

“No, she is alive, she is upstairs, alive. All it cost was one little journal.”

‘One little journal with all your dirty little secrets in it. Patricide, Matricide, Mental breakdown, murder, more murder, fire, more fire. Soon she will learn it all.’

“My secrets for her life. It is a small cost, one I wouldn’t hesitate to pay again. It’s Jester, I would sacrifice my life if it was to keep her safe.”

‘you won’t have to, you will be living in a deeper hell than you do already when she starts looking at you like the monster you are.’ 

“Shut up! Focus Caleb, focus on Jester, she is alive. You kissed her….. YOU KISSED HER! Gods! You kissed her.”

Caleb stops dead in his tracks, the fingers on his hand lightly touching his lips as he remembers their kiss… “You confessed, to her, to your friends, to two gods, you gave her your journal, and then you kissed her.”

Caleb sinks to the floor, Frumpkin rubbing himself up against him. ‘Kiss of death’ his mind supplies, ‘you have already killed her a second time, she just doesn’t realize it.’

“NO!” His hands pound into the floor next to him, “No. She is alive and will remain so.” He looks around himself as if expecting to see someone looking down on him, the room remains empty and he stands. “I promised I would try to be a better man, to be worthy of her…How?”

Frumpkin jumps on his bed and continues to rub against him, purring. Caleb finally puts his hands back into Frumpkins fur, petting him. The voices in his head quiet to a dull roar. 

“How do I become a better, more worthy man?” Caleb asks Frumpkin, “Does this mean I am giving up brining my parents back?”

‘Ungrateful, murderous son!’ Caleb flinches and Frumpkin puts his paws on Calebs shoulder to purr loudly into his ear, brining Caleb’s attention back to him. 

Caleb once again focuses on breathing and petting Frumpkin, keeping the voices at bay. 

She kissed him back. 

The memory makes him smile. The thought that she may love him back warms him. 

‘Until she reads your journal. Then she will hate you.’

“Yes, I know.” And that quiets that little voice. For now. 

He lies back in his bed, Frumpkin climbing up on his chest, still happily purring. Caleb still pets him as he stares up at the ceiling, replaying her first breath in, experiencing his relief all over, so complete he could no longer hold himself up. Feels the weight of her in his hands as he pulls her into a kiss, then the softness of her lips. She tried to give him back the book, she knows it’s important to him. He loves her more for it, and hopes she reads it. She should know. He lays like that for hours until his eyes grow so heavy he has to close them. He still repeats those few minuets in his mind again, and again. It chases the cruel voices away. 

She always chases the cruel voices away. 

His hands keep slowing carding through Frumpkins fur. When they stop, is asleep. 

Caleb finds himself wandering in the dark through woods. He stumbles over fallen tree branches, twigs scrape at his skin, and he starts to shiver in the night air. He stops for a second to cast dancing lights, but they don’t come. He has a moment to panic, but the moon breaks through the cover and shines down. It creates a path. He follows. 

Soon there is a clearing, and as he steps into it, he notices a small house. It’s a familiar house, there is smoke coming from the chimney, the smells of food wafting over him, reminding him that he hasn’t eaten in what feels like days. He heads over to it, recognizing it on his way. It’s his house and his parents are home. He smiles. 

His smile becomes an outright grin when he gets closer and recognizes the smells coming from the house, his mother is cooking, and it smells delicious. He doesn’t hesitate at the door, he just walks right in and sees the smiling faces of his parents. 

His father is at the table already, his mother is just finishing the stew. They both look at him and smile. 

“Welcome home son, just in time!” His mother calls, gesturing him to the small kitchen table.

“We have a great supper tonight, son. Harvest was good, we have a few extra gold in our pockets, and look” His fathers eyes are sparkling as he points to what his mother is dishing out, “We have beef!”

It must have been a great harvest indeed! His stomach grumbles as he looks at what his mother has. His mother always made this stew when he was feeling poorly, it was rarely this decadent, but it was his favorite. He sits in the empty chair as his mother puts the stew back by the fire and takes her seat. They pray to the gods together like they always had. 

When the prayers are over, Caleb digs right into his stew. He practically moans over the taste as the stew washes over his tongue. The potatoes were cooked to perfection, the broth was rich and filled with lager and garlic, the beef sausage was heavenly. Once he swallowed, he stuffed his mouth with another helping. 

He hears his mother laugh, “Slow down, it’s still hot. You don’t want to burn yourself! Leofric, it’s like he hasn’t eaten my cooking in days!” His mother’s laugh is musical and revels in it. 

His father chuckles around his own helping, “What can I say Una, it is especially delicious tonight!”

“You always say that.”

“And it is always true.”

Caleb forces himself to slow down, just to appease his mother, and he listens to them talk. They talk about the town, about the harvest, and about the latest news from the border. Their conversation turns to tell him how proud of him they are and the food turns to ash in his mouth. Flames start to lick in his peripheral vision and panic starts to build in his chest, but then he hears a familiar laugh and the flames extinguish themselves. He turns his head and a vision of blue is standing there, mirth in her eyes. 

“Did you forget about me?” She says

“Never Jester, never.” He says and gets up from the table.

“But you haven’t introduced me, AND you are eating dinner without me.” Jester puts on a face of mock hurt and he smiles at her, warmth flooding his chest. 

“My apologies, I cannot believe I was so absent in my duty.” He takes Jesters hand and brings her over to where his parents are sitting. “Mom, dad, this is Jester Lavorre.” Jester curtsies, all charm and mirth. 

Calebs mother rises from her seat and takes Jesters hand to spin her around, “Ohh you are lovely dear! Would you like some dinner?”

“Yes, please join us.” His father calls out as he gathers another chair. “How do you know our son?”

Jester takes a seat and giggles at his father. She looks over at him, “Well, would you like to tell them?”

Caleb hears himself laugh, a full laugh, as his mother serves Jester some stew. She takes a spoonful and her eyes close in pleasure. “Jester is…”

There is a knock at the door… Caleb gets up to open it and a small blue tiefling child with his features, runs in. 

“Mommy, mommy, mommy” he says as he runs to Jester. She picks him up and gives him some food. His mother takes his little hand and beams at Caleb when the child holds onto it. 

Calebs chest feels like it is going to implode with the sight of it. There is so much emotion swirling though him, so much want. 

“CALEB???” 

Caleb looks around for the voice.

“Caleb? Are you ok? I wanted to check to see how you were feeling after all of that… Jester is sleeping, her mother is watching over her.”

He looks to where Jester is sitting, feeding their child. Jester looks up at him, “Oops.” She says as she gets up from the table, child in her arms. She looks at both of his parents, “It was great meeting you but I must be going. The soup was great, perfect for being a bit under the weather.” She winks at him as she walks past him. 

“Where are you going?”

“Ohh Cayleb, I was never here.” 

Her hand reaches up to touch his cheek, but dissolves before it meets his skin. His vision is a bit blurry, like he is looking through unshed tears and he turns back to his parents. They both get up and move over to him. They hug him. 

“Thank you for the visit, and thanks for letting us meet her, she is lovely.” His mother whispers into his ear.

His father puts his hand on his shoulder, “Don’t let her get away, son.” 

Caleb looks back to where Jester was, she is not there, “I… I don’t know where she went… I don’t want to looser her.” Caleb looks back at his father, “Vater?”

His fathers face grows serious and a little sad, “You will if you keep living in the past.” 

Caleb looks over to his mother, she looks sad. She hands him a bowl of soup. “We are here for you, and will always be.”

“Mutter?”

“It always made you feel better.” She says as he takes the soup. 

“Go son.” His father tells him as he takes his mothers hand and they go back into the house. 

Caleb stands on the threshold with the bowl of soup.

“Caleb…. Is everything oK???” He hears… another knock, louder than previously. He recognizes the voice… it’s Nott.

The realization swirls in his head and his vision grows hazy. 

Knock… knock…

Caleb wakes up and sits in his bed. “Uhhh, Yeah…. Nott, I will be right there…” he says towards the door. That was the first dream he has had of his parents that hasn’t ended in flames, since… well since they ended in flames. He gets up from his bed and moves the light furniture from the door. 

“Caleb, is everything ok?”

“Yes, Nott, I’m coming.” He says as the last bit is removed and he unlocks and opens the door. If he thinks hard enough, he can still taste the stew. 

Nott looks him up and down, then seems to be content that he is ok. “You sleep?”

“I was sleeping just now”

“Ohh, sorry.”

“It’s ok.” He thinks about that stew again, it did always make him feel better. “Would you like to help me cook tonight, give Caduces the night off so he can rest after the ritual?”  
This surprises Nott a little and she looks at Caleb again, “Sure.” She says. “What are we making?”

Caleb smiles, “We are making … stew. My mutter used to make for me. It’s my favorite.”

Caleb watches as Notts body relaxes, he hadn’t noticed that she was stiff until now. Nott smiles, “Of coarse!” She grabs his hand and pulls him from his room, “We should tell Cad before he starts dinner!”

Caleb lets himself be pulled in her wake, even without shoes. He wants to make Jester his favorite dish. The one his mother used to make him. 

“There might be some things I need you to get from the store, if Caduceus doesn’t already have them, Ja?”

“I can do that!”

Caleb smiles and is smiling when they enter the kitchen. This won’t make him a better man by far, but, but he can share this much of himself with his friends. He can give this much of himself to Jester … today. Maybe tomorrow he will be able to give more, and keep giving until she has all of him.

“Hello Caduceus, I was wondering if you would like to relax tonight, I’ll make dinner for everyone.”

Caduceus looks at him for a few seconds and smiles, “Of coarse Mr. Caleb. I have been a little tired since this morning. Perhaps we can bring the table upstairs so we can all eat with Ms. Jester?”

Caleb finds himself once again in a few hours, grateful for Caduceus. “I think that is a good idea.” He says. 

Nott is already in the middle of the kitchen going thought the everything. “I think Jessie would love that!” She yells over the clashing of pots.

Caleb watches Caduceus flinch a little with each bang. “Ummm… Nott. I’ll handle the pots and pans, let me see if we have everything before we take everything out of the cupboards” He hurries over to stop Nott from making a racket and from making Caduceus regret his decision. He glances back at Caduceus who just shakes his head and heads out of the kitchen. “I’ll be with my plants.” He says as he leaves. 

Caleb starts right away looking for all the ingredients he remembers his mother using. There weren’t many, they couldn’t afford many, so he is pretty sure they should already have what he needs. The sausage might be tricky… Caduceus doesn’t eat meat, but he remembers how to turn meat into sausage, how difficult could it be to make something else taste like sausage?

He makes a small list, and together, Nott and he are able to locate everything they need. Fjord comes in a little later asking if there is anyone else who wants to take watch while Jester sleeps, and Nott jumps at the chance, then looks to him. Caleb smiles and tells her it is ok, he knows she has been torn up about the whole thing. Nott cleans up and runs off to watch Jester and make sure everything is safe for her to sleep. Fjord offers to help, Caleb tells him he has it under control. Fjord nods and heads off. 

Jester doesn’t dream, and when she wakes, Nott is sitting next to her, 

“Hello Nott.”

Nott’s head snaps to attention, “Jessie! How are you feeling?”

Jester thinks about it, “A bit hungry, honestly, but better than when I fell asleep.”

She watches as Nott grabs her wire, “She’s awake and hungry! You can reply to this message.”

Jester smiles at her friend as Nott straightens up her bed sheets and fusses over her, like, well, like the mom she is. 

“They’re coming up and food will be finished soon.” Nott smiles, then her face sobers, “Jessie, I…” tears well up in Notts eyes, “I’m so sorry.”

“Why, Nott? It’s ok”

“No Jessie, this is all my fault! I sent the letter that got you killed!” The tears are freely running and Nott is sobbing. “You died because I … I killed my best friend!”

Jester grabs Nott into a hug, and Nott starts to calm down, “Nott, you didn’t know, and I… well this happened because I signed the name Lavorre like a big dummy. I didn’t know either. We can’t see the future, Nott, It’s ok.”

They are both crying when the door opens. Caduceus and Yasha are carrying the kitchen table.

Beau must see Jesters face because she says, “So we can eat dinner with you.”

Nott climbs down and brushes the tears away from her eyes and goes to help with the chairs. 

Jester tries to help, but is told to relax, they all have this. The Nein get everything set up and her mama brings in the drink, Beau sets down the plates, Yeza the silverware, and all the places are set. 

The Nein sit, leaving one empty for Caleb. They are all talking and laughing. Jester catches bits and pieces, but she laughs freely with them, her whole family. 

Caleb comes in soon after everything is set, with a large pot. She raises an eyebrow… Caleb cooked? She looks at him and he automatically blushes and ducks his head. He starts serving and says, “My mutters specialty, it was my favorite.”

“Ohh that’s nice Mr. Caleb”

“Yeah, I don’t think I have ever tried Zemnian food before” Fjord says

Beau scoffs a little, “We ate Zemnian food while in the empire.”

“Was that Zemnian?” Nott asks, “I mean, I lived in the Empire and am not Zemnian, so I don’t think all food from the Empire is Zemnian.”

“No, but surly we ate some, we were there for a while.” Yasha adds

“Well, I think it was very nice of Caleb to make us dinner.” Nott says

“Ahh, well, Caduceus shouldn’t be stuck with all the cooking.” Caleb says, trying not to make eye contact as he finishes serving. 

The Ruby is the first to try it, “Ohh Caleb, this is delicious. I once had a Zemnian tutor, but this is better than the food he used to bring me.” Everyone digs in after that, and Jester thinks her mama is right. The food was delicious. 

Jester watches Caleb as she eats and Caleb looks lost in memory as he savors the food. It makes her smile to know that the is comforted by it. 

They all keep the conversation light. Nott and Yeza talk about their latest accidental explosion in the library. Jester catches Caleb and Yasha looking over at Nott fondly. 

Caduceus lets them all know that he has planted the seeds they will need to have for making healing potions. Jester claps her hands at that, they are expense to buy, and that means she will be able to use more of her fun spells. 

Fjord and Caduceus talk of the wild mother and Jester enters that conversation making sure they thank the wild mother for her. Caduceus assures her that he already has. 

Jester asks her mother if she needs to message anyone to let them know she is safe. She thinks about it and says they will talk later. She isn’t sure who she can trust there and doesn’t want those two to find them again so soon. 

Jester looks around the table as she finishes her stew. She finds herself so happy that she followed their voices. When the stew is finished, her eyes start to grow heavy again. She fights it thinking that she has slept way too much already, but cannot seem to stifle the yawn. 

“Go back to sleep blueberry.” Caleb says softly. She nods and lies back down, she doesn’t know if she can fight to stay awake right now. Who knew being dead and coming back was such a strain on the body. She closes her eyes. 

“I have this watch.” Beau says. 

Jester has a moment to wonder why they are taking watch with her, but then she floats away in warmth and is once again asleep. 

She finds herself in the forest. It looks familiar. It’s twilight. She starts getting a little nervous. 

“It’s ok child, you remain amongst the living.”

Jester turns and sees the traveler standing there. “Traveler!”

“Hello Child.” The Traveler moves closer to her and puts his hand on her cheek. “How do you feel?”

Jester smiles at him, “Alive… alive and loved.”

“And you are. You gave us quite a scare, but your family pulled together and brought you back.”

Jester laughs and holds his hand to her cheek, “They are the best!”

“I think they might be.” He removes his hand.  
“Traveler?”

“Yes, child?”

There are so many questions she wants to ask, but they keep getting stuck in her throat. “N.. Never mind.” She looks away and then back, and he is gone. 

She wakes in the middle of the night. Beau is sleeping in her bed, she isn’t sure where her mama is staying. She tries to go back to sleep, but it doesn’t come. She tries flipping and fluffing her pillow for a better configuration and her hand hits the book that she hid there and she freezes. 

She picks it up and turns it over in her hands. She half wishes Caleb would just tell her what he wants her to know. She thinks she understands why he isn’t, but she still wishes he would. She uncovers herself and puts on a robe. She is as quiet as she is able to be. She grabs the journal and sneaks quietly out of the room, closing the door behind her. 

She needs light to read by. She thinks she can go to the library, but what if Caleb is still awake? On one hand, it might be nice, reading while Caleb is working, but not with this book. She idly wonders if there are any pastries in the kitchen. She can read there and not be interrupted until Caduceus comes in to make breakfast. 

Jester makes her way quietly to the kitchens. She is a little disappointed that there are no pastries, but figures she will just have to go get some soon. She sits at the table, takes a deep breath, and opens the journal. 

Bren Aldric Ermendrud. The name is written very neatly on the first page. She recognizes Calebs handwriting, it was mostly the same, just a little less refined than it is now. Younger, she thinks. She turns the page. It is Bren’s first few days at the Soltryce Academy, and he is overjoyed to be there. He talks of his desires to make is parents proud, he talks of his luck to be with two others from his town, two friends, Eodwulf and Astrid. His excitement at his prospects is evident in everything. He talks about how large and opulent the Soltryce is, how many powerful people are there and how he is going to learn magic. 

Jester smiles. It seems like the excitement for new magic has always been a trait of Calebs. She likes the glimpse into his yearly years at the academy. He is so excited to be there, and so happy to be doing well. He talks of the three of them being noticed by one of the highest and best tutors there, Trent Ikithon, and how he might be chosen for private tutelage. 

Jester remembers Trent Ikithon. She saw him, and a shiver goes down her spine at the thought of him now. She knows Caleb hates him, says that he is a bad man. She wonders what happened to so drastically change his mind, and is a little scared to find out. Here Bren is just overjoyed. He is overjoyed that Trent thinks that he is very talented. He is overjoyed to be going with Astrid and Eodwulf. The three of them grew very close in the first year at the Soltryce.

She reads on, and it starts to become apparent that Bren loves Astrid and Eodwulf. He talks of the comfort and love he has been able to find in the two of them. When they leave the Soltryce, the relationship between the three of them seems to grow and develop.

From Bren’s writing, Jester can see that he thinks they are all being very sneaky in their affections, but soon it is apparent that Trent finds out and is not happy. He tells them that they are not allowed to have a relationship. They don’t listen and it seems like they get away with the small touches and quick kisses, then she comes across a page that has a little bit of blood on it and a quick entry that states that Ikithon found out they were still together. They were punished for their disobedience and given more work to do to keep themselves occupied. Some of this added work talks of sharp knives and crystals being embedded into his hands. Apparently Ikithon claims it will make them stronger. 

Jester remembers the scars on Calebs arms and anger wells in her. She continues on. 

Bren talks of the experiments with Ikithon as if they were a privilege. Anything to be strong for the empire. Anything to help weed out weakness in the Empire. Pain is nothing if it helps the Empire thrive. Bren also talks about their forbidden relationship growing. How much he loves Astrid. How much he loves Eodwulf. And then again how much he loves his Empire. 

There is a gap in time between the entry she just finished and the next. A larger gap than normal, and Jester is horrified to find the reason. 

The three of them were caught having sex for the first time by Trent Ikithon. They were beaten and thrown into separate cells in the dungeon below Ikithon’s house, still naked. Bren talks about his beatings, not being able to see the other two, and only hearing screams. He was told that they were clouding their magic and their potential by sleeping with each other. That it was against Ikithon’s wishes and therefore had no purpose except their own gratification. They were made to feel guilty for betraying their love of the empire, for making the Empire compete with them. 

Trent blamed Bren for seducing the other two, and Bren was disgusted with himself for betraying the Empire for his own pleasure. Never once does Bren question his treatment, never once does he question Trent Ikithon. 

After that, it seemed like Trent was keeping the three of them separate all the time. They all had different chores, and if there was time where they were around each other, he made sure to be there too. He even moved their rooms down to where their cells were to ensure that they were kept apart at night when he slept. Trent made sure no one touched anyone else, not even a hug or a touch of someones hand. Bren seemed to accept this as his rightful punishment. The experiments with crystals and blood continued. 

One day, Trent took Bren and Astrid into his office, had them undress and watched them touch each other. They were so touch starved at this point, Bren seemed to forget that Trent was in the room until they were separated again and brought back to their cells. A few days later, it happened again, but with Eodwulf, and then with the three of them.

Jester is horrified, and starting to feel ill. She knew Caleb was tortured, she saw his scars, but this was something else, something more. Ikithon was breaking them every way he knew. 

It happened a few more times in the midst of their normal learning and magical activities. It graduated from Ikithon staying a quiet spectator, to him telling them what to do. Sometimes he made one of the kids watch along with him and would punish them if they showed any sign of emotion while watching. 

Trent then got more creative, he made up lessons “testing” their concentration during casting and holding spells that revolved around them and sex. If they dropped concentration before he said they could, they would be tied up in their cells, left completely unsatisfied, blindfolded, and abandoned. If they kept concentration, they would be rewarded, sometimes with affection, sometimes with presents, sometimes with a little freedom. 

While all of this was happening, their normal lessons started morphing into something darker as well. At first, it was basic anatomy and history of the Empire. Then it was learning of traitors of the Empire and the damage each one did. Ikithon taught them ways to hunt and catch people, ways to torture people, and ways to get answers and confessions from people. He would take the three of them on field trips to capture traitors and bring them back. Then he would show them how to extract information, either manually or magically. He would have each kill the traitor to bring the traitor back and have them killed again. 

Bren talked of these outings as a matter of pride. He was helping rid the empire of evil. He was very descriptive of the time he removed someones skin to obtain a confession. After they confessed, the other two brought his family members out for the man to watch them be killed slowly. Bren was proud of himself and his friends. 

Jester feels bile rise in the back of her throat. The urge to vomit was so strong. She had to close her eyes and breath through her nose. She swallowed her own spit a few times, then got up to get a drink. She drained one glass, and refilled it, returning to the book. Her hands are trembling as she turns the page to continue reading. 

When they returned to Ikithon after their brutality with the ‘traitor’, Ikithon decided they were ready for one on one lessons. Bren was excited to have pleased Ikithon and was excited to see what else he would be taught. Jester was expecting more brutality, but there was almost nothing written about them. It made her extremely worried. Bren had no issue talking about his abilities torturing people, killing people, being forced into sexual assault, being sexually assaulted, and so much more. What could be happening here that there were no words. The few sentences that were written on one on one days were confused, almost like Bren was having trouble recalling them. 

Jester knows Caleb’s brain. He never has a hard time remembering anything. She very much doubts that Bren’s brain was any different. The thought hits Jester like a slap across her face, Trent Ikithon is magically altering Bren’s mind. He is infiltrating and changing things. It is the last violation of the boy named Bren he can do, and he does it. She is sure of it. She feels her vomit traveling up her throat and has just enough time to run to a basin before she vomits. There was no holding it back. She vomits again. When she is done, she sits on the floor staring at the abandoned journal. She stares at it, and feels something break inside of her.  
She cries. She cries until she can no longer cry, and even when she has run out of tears, her body is racked with sobs. 

Jester doesn’t know how long she has been sitting on the floor sobbing. She tells herself it was all in the past. She knows there is more, but doesn’t think she can bring herself to sit back down at the table and continue. Instead she gets to her feet, cleans up the mess she made, cleans herself up, and puts a cold rag on her face. She replaces the rag when it starts to get warm. She tells herself to breathe. She gathers the journal when she thinks she is strong enough to leave the kitchen. She steps from the kitchen into the hall and starts towards her room. She is half way up the stairs when there is a knock at the door. 

Jester practically jumps out of her skin when she hears it. She debates ignoring it, but can’t. She goes down and opens the door. 

“Good Morning Jester. I am glad to see you have returned to your friends.”

“Umm… Good Morning Shadowhand. Th…thank you?” Jester is having a hard time escaping the headspace of the journal. 

“Please, call me Essek. How are you feeling?”

Jester thinks about it. She can’t say utterly destroyed by things that happened at least a decade ago. “Almost normal. Still tired all the time, but, you know, alive.”

Essek smiles at her, it’s a nice smile. “glad to know. Do you know if Caleb is awake? I… he wanted some special ingredients.”

Jester backs up out of the entry way, letting him enter. “I don’t know, but… I can check. I’ll be back.” She tries to smile at him, but now she has to find Caleb and the prospect of seeing him right after reading… well reading all of that, makes her nervous. She goes into the library looking, and doesn’t see him anywhere. She continues to his room’s door, still feeling off kilter. She hesitates. She really wishes she wasn’t holding his journal right now. She wishes she didn’t read so much so quickly, she wishes, well she really wishes she could go back in time and save young Bren from the monster called Trent Ikithon. 

She knocks. “Caleb? Are you awake? Shadowhand Essek is here with something for you.” 

She waits to see if Caleb opens the door, and he does. Caleb looks like he just woke up, hair a little mussed. Frumpkin bounds out the door and rubs himself on Jesters leg. It makes her smile and her heart flutter. She wants to hold him, to make sure he is real, to make sure he is ok.  
“Uhh, gut morning Jester.” He smiles and his eyes crinkle a little at the corner. It makes Jesters heart beat a little faster. 

“Essek is here with stuff for you. Do you want me to bring him into the library?” She gestures to the door.

Calebs eyes follow her gesture, and he notices she is holding his journal. She sees his recognition and feels like she has been caught sneaking sweets when his eyes snap to hers. She absently wishes what was in the book was sweets opposed to what is actually there. 

“Umm…. Ja, that would be good… Jester?”

“Caleb?”

He is nervous and gestures to the journal she is holding. “Did you…?”

“I’m working my way though, I’m not as fast at reading as you are…”

Caleb nods and swallows. He looks like he wants to say something, then he looks like he wants to run. Frumpkin rubs himself on Calebs leg purring, and that seems to settle the man. He nods, mostly to himself. “I’ll… go let Essek in.” 

He starts to walk forward and then stops, takes her hand in his own and presses his lips to her knuckles. Her brain stops for a second. She feels his soft lips on her knuckles, his day old stubble on her fingers and that is the only thing that exists in her world right now. He is so gentle. 

He looks up at her, his head still bowed, her hand still up by his lips, “I wish I could offer you some comfort… from…. that… but… well, I am not a good man. I wish I was, and I am trying, but… I don’t know how far you have gotten, but … I am sorry… Sorry for so much, but also for laying my burden at your feet. You should know, though… before… any … decisions are made…” and he releases her hand and stands. 

“I know…” She whispers into the air between them. Caleb nods and continues his path to let the shadowhand in.

She hears the two men greet each other and start to walk over to where she is. She mentally shakes herself and leaves the library, nodding at the two men on her way out. She climbs the stairs to her room and stores the book back in her hiding spot. She is exhausted and confused. Does Caleb not realize he was being broken, his will was being bent to that of Ikithon, his actions aren’t completely his own? Caleb is smarter than that, surely. But he still calls himself a bad man. 

She stares at the pillow she hid the journal under and a very uneasy feeling falls on her. She hasn’t completed reading it yet… there is more… 

She feels the vomit start to rise again and manages to swallow it back down. She is tired, but cannot imagine sleeping on top of his journal right now. Not with everything she just read. Not with the dread of what else there might be curdling in her stomach. No. She turns from her room and goes in search for her mama. 

Her mama isn’t hard to find. There were only so many empty rooms in the house. When Jester finds her, she is still in bed. She crawls into her mama’s bed and curls against her. Marions arms encircle her automatically and soon, she is asleep again.


	14. Chapter 14

“Jester is looking greatly improved.” Essek tells Caleb as he sees Jester depart deeper into the house.

Caleb cannot help the smile from forming on his face, “Yes, we are all very relieved and would be most grateful if such a thing never happened again.” He turns to look at Essek, “Jester said you had something for me.?”

Essek produces a pouch form his robes and hands it to Caleb, “I was able to locate some information about the desired pendant, you have a few options available to you.”

Caleb takes the offered pouch and opens it. When they get closer to his desk, Essek produces a book. This automatically catches Caleb’s attention. Essek smiles and places the book on Calebs desk. 

“This is a loan. The Nein have been very helpful to us, I was able to convince some in den Theylas that it is in our best interest to provide you knowledge.” Essek’s fingers are still on the book, slightly tapping on it. Caleb looks directly at Essek, signaling his undivided attention. 

“I’m trusting you Caleb Widogast. I am putting my neck out for you. You must understand, not many would be authorized to have something that makes it almost impossible to be found.”

“I know, and I assure you it is not because of the Cryn… It’s, well, my past with he Cerberus.” He fingers his own charm. “I don’t want them finding us and I don’t want to lead them here, to all of you.”

“That is why I am loaning this to you. I was able to locate the majority of supplies you will need. They have been gathered, and are awaiting your purchase at these shops.” Essek hands him a paper with a series of store names written upon it. “Let them know that you have supplies on hold. Use your name. I feel the need to let you know that none of it is cheap, and the whole of Rosana only carries enough for two, at most.”

Caleb takes the offered paper, “This… is… so much more than I was hoping. Thank you, is there… any way I can possibly begin to repay you?”

“There was a conversation that was promised, if you have time.”

“Of coarse… would you like to take a seat?” Caleb is nervous. He knew the conversation was waiting, and had to occur, he just doesn’t want to. How could he possibly even begin to start to communicate the level of his damage?

The shadowhand sits, Caleb follows his example. “Would you like something to drink, Caduceus always has something brewing.”

“No, thank you.” He folds his hands in his lap. “May I ask you questions?”

“ja… ok..”

Essek looks Caleb in the eyes, “Do you love Jester?”

Calebs stomach drops. He knew, but admitting… “Yes, I … I believe so.”

“Believe?”

“Yes, it has been … uhhh… a very long time since… I have felt anything for another… especially this strong affection.” Caleb cannot tell Essek his past, not in a small conversation like this, not with Essek trusting him with information, he gestures to himself, “I didn’t think it was still possible, honestly.” He looks down, ashamed. 

Essek nods, “Does she… love you?”

Calebs shoulder slump and he folds in upon himself a little, “Yesterday, I believe she did, tomorrow, well tomorrow is yet to be seen.”

“Today?”

“Today is the worst, today she learns who and what I am, what I have done… Today is what determines tomorrow… and I am afraid it is very much out of my hands.”

“We have all done things we are not proud of”

Caleb remains silent, relieved that Essek doesn’t push.

“I… apologize if I misunderstood, but, I thought… we…”

“You are not wrong.”

“Was there anything I did, or… could have done?”

Caleb looks up at Essek, looks him in the eyes, “No. And in complete honesty,   
something that you deserve, I would be lying if I said you are no longer tempting, but… while I was looking at you, my heart…. My feelings snuck up on me. I…” He lets out a humorless laugh, “I didn’t realize what was happening until it was too late to change anything. This situation is far from ideal.”

Essek looks at him, watches him, and there is a little smile that forms on his lips. “Thank you for your honesty, Caleb. If things change… feelings… situations… desires, do let me know.” He gets up gracefully and smiles at him. Caleb follows suit. 

Caleb wonders if everything is over. If he ruined his chance for new magic because he is unable to return the shadowhands feelings. Jester is worth the loss, even if she decides he is too damaged and broken. He wants to ask.

“I hope you have a lovely night, Shadowhand.” He finds himself saying when they get to the front door. 

Essek smiles at him, “I cannot be back for a few more days. I shouldn’t be here as it is, but I hope to see how much you have improved since our last lesson.” He turns and leaves and relief floods Caleb. So unlike Ikithon. 

He returns to the library to look over the list and to locate the spell. His fingers itch to read the whole thing, but he is on a mission and a deadline. He locates the charm and reads over everything. He isn’t sure what Essek was able to find, and what has yet to be located… he cannot leave though. 

He messages the team to meet him in the library. 

They all come, and when all gathered, he explains the situation. 

“This charm makes it almost impossible to be able to locate it’s wearer with magic. I have been wearing it to shield me from Ikithon and the Cerburus. However, I am no longer the only one that will be looked for.”

“Jester and her mother.” Fjord says. 

“Yes. They could find them if I am not close by, until I can make another charm.” Caleb says

“WHAT!!” Nott fidgets and gets our her flask to take a long drink.

“Are you sure?” Beau asks

“I know that they are powerful enough and I know this charm has kept me hidden. They know we are close, so if they can find them, they will either also find me, or capture them and possibly torture them until I show. They know I will show…. They never had the opportunity before, but now, if they can, they will use it.” Caleb rubs his face. 

“How do we get more charms? You mentioned making one?” Fjord continues. 

“Caleb, just tell us what we need to do.” Beau is growing agitated and impatient. Caleb doesn’t blame her. 

“It’s a little tricky. Essek was able to locate the enchantment and secure most of the ingredients for me to pick up…”

“Sounds solved?” Fjord asks

“Yes and no. If I leave, Jester and her mother are vulnerable to being located. The Ruby does not venture out. Also, Essek warned me that the ingredients were expensive, but, nothing of the actual price.”

“We need to go get the stuff for you and hope that we have enough money” Beau says

Caleb hands Beau his entire coin purse. She arches an eyebrow, but stays quiet. He nods and hands her the list of ingredients and the stores. “Essek said to tell them that Caleb Widogast has things set aside for pick up.”

Caduceus takes the shop list, “I am sure Ms Beau and I can surly gather what is needed.”

“Yeah we can.” Beau says, clapping Caleb on the back. Caleb flinches slightly at the pain. 

“And I can just take whatever it is we can’t afford.” Nott adds happily. 

“I would prefer not to raise suspicion.” Caleb tells her, “The shadowhand has voiced for us on many occasions, I would hate to inconvenience him.”

“Yeah, yeah, buy the stuff, got it.” Beau is smiling at him. 

Yasha has been quiet, but looks at him, “Do Jester and the Ruby know?”

“I haven’t told them yet, no. I will…. They need to know to stay close until the charms are finished.”

He glances at Beau who wiggles her eyebrows at him and he blushes. “Sooner the better? Ja?”

“Yes, we are leaving, does everyone have their money?” Fjord asks patting himself to see if he has his coin purse on him. “Meet by the front door in 5?”

The Nein all agree and scatter in search for their gold. They all meet back, ready to go.   
“Thanks.”

They all look at him like he is crazy for a minute. “It’s what family does.” Caduceus says as he opens the door and they leave. 

Caleb stands in the hall for a few minuets after the Nein leave. 

The house is quiet and he hears the faintest sounds of someone singing. ‘The Ruby’ he thinks to himself. ‘No time like the present’ he follows the song. He isn’t sure where Jester is right now, if she isn’t with her mama, he will continue looking though. 

He lightly knocks on the Rubys door and waits. 

The song stops, “Come in, quietly” He hears and opens the door. The room is a little more decorated than when she first got here. He can tell she is trying to make it look like home as much as she can. He feels terrible for getting her involved, just another sin to add to the pile. 

The Ruby is sitting up in her bed looking more put together than he has ever looked in his life. Even out of place, she looks amazing. He follows her hands and realizes that they are carding though the blue hair of the sleeping Jester. Caleb stops short looking at Jester. She looks so peacefull, so content. 

“Uhh… sorry. I’ll… I’ll come back later, I don’t want…to intrude or wake…” He whispers into the quiet. 

The Ruby smiles at him, it looks soft, fond, and knowing. “Is anything wrong?”

“Nothing that can’t wait.” He retreats, backing up. He makes it to the door and backs out of it, shutting it. Jester needs her sleep, the ritual takes a lot of energy. He doesn’t want to disturb her when she is so content. 

He leans agains the door and rubs his face with his hands. He really wishes he wasn’t so awkward. He hears movement a second before he hears the door handle click. He has just enough time to catch himself before the door opens. 

“Jester is fast asleep, and usually sleeps well. We might as well talk, there is something I would like to talk to you about too.”

Caleb swallows. “Ok…” He pulls his charm out of his shirt to show the Ruby, “This, this charm protects me from magical eyes and magical location. As long as I wear it, or am in the proximity of it, I cannot be found by magical means. I have had it for many years as a means of protection from… them.”

They Ruby nods, and waits for him to continue, when he doesn’t she says, “but, there is only one, if Jester and I are separated from you, we will be able to be located.” The Ruby looks towards the door where Jester is sleeping, “Is this?”

“No, I believe the charm covers the entire house.”

She nods, “I assume you have a game plan?”

“Brilliance is a family trait. Yes, I do. The Nein are currently gathering supplies, but until I can fashion one…” 

“We stay close.”

“Ja”

“Do you know how long it will take for you to fashion one?”

“The spell looks to take about a month for one”

“Hmm…”

“If you need to go somewhere, I can always accompany…”  
“I am not worried about being stationary a month… It’s just, Jester has found that she enjoys the freedom to come and go as she pleases… I don’t want to become a hindrance again… she should be free to experience life.” The Rubys face is sad. 

“I am sure Jester will understand.”

The Ruby smiles, “Jester always understands. That doesn’t mean it won’t hurt.” The Ruby looks back at him, “You have found yourself with very powerful enemies.”

Caleb looks down, unable to meet her gaze, “Ja…. I have been running for a long time, now. I never… I never meant to get Jester tied up in this… I never meant to involve either of you…” He can feel the Ruby looking at him, it almost feels like when Caduceus does it. Like she can see him, even the pieces he doesn’t want to share. 

“I have mixed feelings about you Caleb, on one hand, you obviously love my daughter, and you helped bring her back to us all, on the other, she was there because of your former friends turned enemies.” Caleb flinches, The Ruby is not wrong. “I love my daughter, more than anything. Her hopes, dreams, and feelings are a priority for me, and she obviously loves you. I will not stand in the way, but Caleb…” The Rubys face hardens. “I can be a very powerful enemy as well.”

Calebs mouth goes dry and he tries to swallow, “I… I understand.”

He face returns to normal. “I will tell Jester of this charm when she wakes.”

Caleb nods, “Thank you. I’ll just…” he motions to the stairs behind him. 

“Don’t go too far.” She says, a smile on her face. She turns and re-enters her room. 

‘I was just threatened by the Ruby of the Sea…’ Caleb thinks, turning and walking down the stairs. He has no doubt that she could be a powerful enemy. He breathes deeply. What did he expect? He just got her daughter killed, did he really think she would fully accept him? He finds himself sitting at his desk before he realizes he has made it to the library. He shakes himself and looks at the spell Essek gave him. 

He memorizes it, then re-reads it again to make sure he has it correct. He wants to give Jester the confidence that her mother is safe. He wants the Ruby to be safe. He wants Jester to be safe too, and while he wants nothing more for her to be always at his side… he wants it to be her choice. He needs it to be her choice. He starts preparing what he has for when the others get back, so he can take inventory and hopefully start. 

“Is anything wrong, mama” Jester says with a yawn as she watches her mother close the door. 

“You’re awake? My Sapphire, nothing is wrong, you can go back to sleep.” Marion goes over to Jester and kisses her on the top of her head. 

Jester stretches, “I feel like I have been doing almost nothing but sleeping.”

“You need the rest.” Marion cups her daughters cheek and starts to ready herself for the day. “Caleb stopped by. He wanted to let us know that he is working on two charms for us so we cannot be located magically, but before they are done, we have to make sure we stay in his vicinity.”

“Cause of Astrid and Edowulf…”

“Yes.”

Jester thinks about it. If she has to stay around Caleb, that means he has to stay around her. That doesn’t sound terrible. But she cannot leave. That part sounds less fun, but she is sure she can find something fun to do with Caleb. 

She watches her mom get ready. It’s familiar and comforting… then the book re-enters her mind. She should finish it. She really doesn’t want to read any more. It is already too terrible, but she promised… She gets out of her mothers bed. 

“Mama, is there anything I should message the others to get for you?”

“I don’t know yet, Jester. When I packed, it was a bit intense. I have to finish going through the things I grabbed.”

“Ok, well, let me know. I am sure Beau or Nott would be happy to go.”

“Thank you.”

Jester nods and leaves her moms room for her own. 

Jester knows the ebook is important, its also painful. She hates what Caleb … what Bren was put through. For some reason, thinking of them as two different people helps. The one before is Bren… the one after… Caleb. Would she have loved Bren like she does Caleb?

She sighs and reopens the book. The confused bits after the one on one meetings really worried Jester. They were so unlike the man she knew. Bren kept writing of them, sometimes he was excited about a new spell, other times he was exhausted from holding concentration. Sometimes he and his friends were hunting, and then there were the concussed times. In one section he couldn’t remember his parents faces or names. There was another where he thought Eduowulf and Astrid were xhorhasian spies, another where he was Astrid and he didn’t like being so short. 

This section of writing, she decided, was unreliable. She couldn’t tell if something he described was real or not. She believes Trent was messing with them experimenting with them, training them by destroying them first, then rebuilding how he wanted. 

About half way through he three were able to go back home. Bren was excited, he missed his mother and father. They traveled without Ikithon at their backs. It seemed like a great trip. There was dancing, drinking, cuddling. The three were having fun on the journey and it felt like a weight was lifted. 

They got back home and the town celebrated the return of their brilliant children. The re-telling of their town festival made Jester smile. There was so much love there. It was a beautiful contrast to the days with Ikithon. 

Soon the writing became paranoid. Bren was agitated and torn, He believed his parents were traitors to the empire. He didn’t know what to do about it. He met with his friends and they all believed their families were traitors. They made a plan… one that was similar to the one they normally used with traitors. They were going to defend their great empire. They were going to kill the traitors. 

Jesters stomach drops. She just stares at the page for a moment. They were going to kill their families… no… no, they had killed their families… ohh…noo.. Jester closes her eyes to steady herself. Caleb keeps telling her he isn’t a good man. Caleb had always made sure she had any opportunity to see her mother, to talk to her mother… Caleb did the one thing he couldn’t forgive. He killed his family. 

She doesn’t want to continue, but does. 

She promised… 

They waited outside as Eduowulf killed his. They had dinner with Astrids and watched them die from poison, and then they barricaded the exits to Brens house and he set it on fire. They watched his home and family burn….

Jester feels her tears well and her memory flashes back to Caleb in the sewer fireballing the group. Tears trail down her cheeks. She closes the book and lets herself cry. Her heart hurts, she knows he had to be controlled, like he was in the cave… but… it hurts. Poor Bren. Poor Caleb. 

Should she be worried that it would happen again?

` When she is done crying, she feels hollow. She doesn’t want to continue. She wants to go downstairs, find Caleb, and give him hug. She hates how much he has been through and she hates there is more to that book. 

She picks the book up like it could bite her, opens it, and continues.

The next entry , after he wrote of their plan is unsettling. The writing looks different and it is just one word, over and over… Fire… that one word fills a lot of pages, different sizes, different writing, large and bold, small and stilted. Sometimes there are drawings, fire, building on fire, people on fire.   
All these pages, over and over. 

Bren went mad. There is really no other explanation. She turns each page, taking it in. 

Eventually, there are words other than fire. The entries are small. 

He talks of a kind woman who cleared his mind, and who went mad after. He talks of a guard who he killed in his escape, and a charm he took to keep himself hidden. 

He talks boat days trying to put himself back together, plans for revenge, creation if his new name. He will be Caleb Widogast.

He talks of escaping a jail with a small goblin girl named Nott and a of a tentative relationship. He talks of meeting the group. His original opinions of them, his beliefs that he can stay hidden in the bright group and living is easier in a group. Money is easier in a group. He sees every interaction as a transaction, and she sees lists with their names on it and hashtags… she suspects them of being things he believes is owed. . or that he owes. 

Soon Jester can feel his affection for the group grow. Can feel the panic when he woke and Fjord, Yasha, and herself were taken. Feel the grief when Molly was killed. He talks of his reluctance to leave the group, talks of his fear of the dodecahedron, his apprehension over their sea voyage, his deal with Fjord. 

Jester watches as his feelings for the group changes from acceptance to affection. Watches as his beliefs around their interactions change to something other than transactional. She reads of his realization of his feelings for her, and his surprise of his body reawakening. She blushes at that a little, and is a bit proud that she was able to do that, even unknowingly. Maybe especially unknowingly. 

Everything is written here, even his desire for this new magic. How he can bring his parents back with it and of how he fears that he will not be able to now. Not because he won’t be strong enough, but because is affection for his new friends, his love for her. Changing his past will mean that he will never meet them. He talks about his guilt over wanting to stay with his friends, almost like he is killing his parents over again. 

The pages run out over his grief for her, and his and his guilt over endangering her mother. 

Jester closes the book feeling as if she had run all day through fire and wind. When she looks around, she realizes that she had read the day away and is starving. She goes to the kitchen and retrieves food. 

She eats in isolation. Not sure where her friends are. She hears a commotion. Her friends are now just returning.. have they been shopping all day? 

“Hi guys.” Jester approaches her friends. 

“Jessie!” Beau breaks ranks and puts the things she was carrying down to hug her. Jester gratefully accepts the hug.

“Thats a lot of stuff”

“Yeah, expensive stuff too. Caleb needs most of it, but we had enough money to buy ourselves a few helpful things.” Beau winks and Jester laughs

The rest give her hugs, too, and their affection pulls her thoughts away from the book

Yasha and Fjord deliver the supplies to Caleb. Caduceus starts in on dinnner. Jester gets her mama and they dine together after Nott pulls Caleb into the kitchen. 

“We have almost everything. I just need something from the two of you that you will not remove, to enchant. Unfortunately it will take a month...  
“Will it harm what I give you?” Marion asks. 

“No, it is just something valuable to the wearer to attach the enchantment.”

“I will provide it after dinner”

“Nothing too… umm,.. flashy? We don’t want it taken.”

The Ruby smiles, “It will not be.”

Jester tries to figure out what she could give Caleb. “Would it work on my symbol to the traveler?””

Caleb thinks about it. “I am not sure” 

“I might have something for you Jester, if you don’t.” the Ruby says, 

“I’ll find something mama, thanks.”

“I found something on our shopping trip for you!” Nott tells her.

“Really?”

Nott retrieves a small package of paints. “More Paints!”

“Thanks Nott!!” Jester goes through them, “There are so many beautiful colors! Nott they are perfect!”

“And we picked these up too” Beau says revealing a bag of pastries. 

Jester gasps excitedly, “Ohh beau! Thank you!”

They hand out the pastries, one to each person. 

“These are delicious!” Jester says, mouth full of pastry. Everyone agrees.

Jester wonders how much longer her friends will coddle her for. She loves it, but feels a little bad about it. It does feel really nice now though. 

They finish dinner and dessert and depart again. The Ruby retrieves her object for Caleb to enchant

Jester and Caduceus wash the dishes. They don’t talk but they are happy enough. Caduceus is always a calming soul. 

He starts to hum a tune and she follows suit. They continue until done. 

“Well Ms Jester, would you like to join me in the garden?”

Jester smiles, “I think I would like that.”

They head up to the garden and it takes Jesters mind from Calebs journal for a little.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been amazing. 
> 
> I am sorry it's a tiny chapter this time. It has been kinda crazy, but I promise a longer one next time.

Caleb keeps finding his mind wandering towards Jester and his journal. Has she read it? How far is she? What does she think? Does she hate him? 

He mentally kicks himself and goes back to the spell. 

He has double checked the ingredient against what the spell calls for. Essek found the majority. He, surprisingly, had the few that were missing form Esseks list, and the ladies will provide their own pieces for the charm to be put on.

Caleb hears a small knock on the library door. He turns as it opens, revealing The Ruby. 

“I wanted to deliver this to you…” The Ruby starts, handing him a small, simple charm. She is holding it tenderly. Caleb is almost afraid to touch it. He looks to the Ruby’s eyes, and sees tears. 

He reaches out and gingerly takes the charm, he cups it in his hands to make sure she knows he understands it is important. “Thank you, it’s…” he finally takes a look at it. It is small, non precious metal shaped as an anchor. “Perfect.” He decides. 

The Ruby wrings her hands and for the first time Caleb has ever seen, looks nervous. Even when Jester was…. well, was… she looked distraught and worried, but never this sort of nervous. She lets out a small breath and looks at him. “It… it belonged to the only man I ever loved. It was a promise. I never forgot.”

Caleb feels his throat clench and watches the tears in her eyes swell. “And when I am done, it will keep you safe.”

She smiles a little at him, and looks away. “Caleb, it is a small trinket, a piece of bent metal, but… I have always felt safe with it. He may not be here with me, but he gave me the best gifts I could have ever asked for. He gave me a love I would have never known without him, and he gave me Jester. I trust it in your hands.” She says the last part like she is trying to convince herself more than him. He can’t fault her for it. 

Caleb nods and carefully lays it down with the rest of the supplies. “I start yours today, Ms. Ruby. Thank you.”

She gracefully nods and leaves him to his work. 

He watches her disappear behind the library door and his eyes close when he hears the latch take. He tries to steady himself the best he can. So much is relying on him. He is not an enchanter, but he has to be right now. He needs Jester’s mother to be safe, he needs Jester to… to choose him without needing to be by his side for her own safety. There is so much that he needs, but with all the deceit in his life, he thinks he needs Jester’s free choice the most. 

He feels Frumpkin rub against his legs and it’s helpful. 

He really hopes Jester doesn’t end up resenting being closed in again. Two months isn’t a lot, but she just obtained freedom. His heart sinks a little at the thought of her trapped again and hates that he is the reason. 

He takes a deep breath and sits at his workspace. After double checking everything and re-reading the process, he begins. Day one. One day closer to being able to offer her freedom once more.

Jester re-reads Calebs journal multiple times, wanting to make sure she understands as much as she can. She deciphers writing patterns and tries her best to figure out what Ikithon did to them. She finds herself close to messaging Ikithon, just to call him terrible names, just to make sure he knows she is coming for him. She doesn’t message him though. They need to be ready before that particular meeting. She really does want to hear his shock when she calls him cunt. Just the thought makes her smile. 

She has re-read the journal at least four times, some parts many more. She needs to talk to Caleb, which is why she is standing outside the library so early in the morning debating if she is going to just go in. 

Frumpkin runs himself along her leg, she leans down, petting him, and then decides that she might as well. 

“Caleb” she calls, waiting. She hears movement by his desk and ventures further in.   
“Jester” Caleb says smiling, “Just one minuet, I need to finish this real quick.” He adds something to the necklace her mother gave him for the spell and mutters a few words. The necklace glows for a second, then returns to normal. 

“Sorry about that, it’s… delicate” Caleb turns towards her. 

She drinks him in. She hasn’t seen him much since the ritual, since he kissed her. He looks good, clean shaven and happy to see her. Then he notices what she is holding.

“Oh…” he says as his face drops. 

“Caleb, it’s not…. It’s not like that,” She says, taking a few steps closer. He refuses to meet her eyes. 

Jester puts the books down and steadies his chin, angling him so she can look into his eyes. When she is able to get him to focus on her, she rises to her tip toes and kisses him shyly. It only lasts a few seconds. 

“I finished reading” she says quietly. 

Caleb flinches a little, “You… you now know… everything.” He looks away from her. 

“I do… Caleb, I…. Caleb please look at me”

It looks hard for him to meet her gaze, but he does. Jester takes his hand, “Thank you Caleb.” He looks at her like she struck him, and she squeezes his hand. “There is so much to thank you for Caleb, I’m serious, don’t make that scoff noise.”

Caleb pulls away and turns, Jester follows taking his hand again. 

He stops. His knees give out and he collapses to the ground. She circles him so she can see his face, then follows him to the floor. 

“You saved me Caleb, many times.”

“But not all, you died…”

“And you helped bring me back.”

Calebs eyes are closed. She wishes he would open them, look at her, but accepts he may need to keep them closed. 

“Caleb, thank you for sharing your life with me.” Her hands cup his face, “It means a lot…. I …. I suspect you did it because you thought I wouldn’t want you when I found out… It’s not true, I still do… want you.”

Calebs eyes open, looking at her, searching her face for some sort of lie. 

She continues on, “There are terrible things that happened, and I will make sure Ikithon pays for that in blood, but… you are still you. You are the man that has always seen me, all of me, as an equal. You always watched out for me, have come for me, and even now, you are trying to keep me and my mama safe. I loved you before I read that journal Caleb Widogast, and I love you after.”

Caleb holds onto her hands as he studies her face. He then reaches for her, brings her face towards his, and whispers in the space between them, “I don’t deserve you, but gods help me, I will try to.” And kisses her. It’s soft and gentle, and Jester tries to memorize it. She crawls into his lap and wraps herself around him. 

His arms wrap around her as his tongue traces along her lips. She opens her mouth granting him access and moans into the deepening kiss. They explore each others mouths entangled on the library floor, hands roaming. 

He pulls away, resting his forehead to hers and they both catch their breaths. 

“I love you too, Jester Lavorre, little Sapphire of the Coast, liebling.”

Jester smiles and kisses him again, moving his hair out of his face and wrapping her arms around his neck. She drinks him in and doesn’t think she will ever have enough, but then pulls away, remembering why she was there. 

Caleb makes a little sad noise and it makes her want to move back into him, but she has things to say.

“You gave me a glimpse into your past, and I have questions, but that is not why I am here.” She scrambles up to where she placed the books and retrieves her sketchbook. She hurries back to Caleb and hands it to him. “I write to the traveler, and I tell him things I can’t always tell others.” She flips the cover open to the first page. It’s not the best drawing, but it gets her point across. It screams of loneliness and isolation. She swallows as she watches Calebs fingers trail over the image, almost reverently. 

“I learned to smile, always smile, no matter what. My mama loves me so much, but, it still hurt sometimes, and, well, smiling was the only thing I could do. It made everyone around me me smile, and then it didn’t feel so bad, you know…” She hesitates, feeling Calebs eyes on her, but continues, looking at the first page, “ I did show the traveler everything. Sometimes I tried to make it funny, sometimes I didn’t, but, I eventually showed him everything.” Calebs hand is brushing away a few stray tears that fell from her eyes. “I… wanted to show you…. Like you showed me. I figure it’s only fair.” She tries to smile. Caleb leans in and kisses her cheeks. 

“Thank you”… kiss… “I know” … kiss… “It’s scary”… Kiss… He looks her in the eyes, “I will still see you as the strongest, bravest, most wonderful woman.” And he kisses her lips. 

She smiles into the kiss and when they part, she says, “I know, but so should you.” She pushes the book into his chest.

Caleb takes it with a nod and cards his fingers though her hair, gripping the back of her neck and looks at her. The look he is giving her makes her melt. 

“I will do whatever you wish, blueberry.”

“Then I wish for you to kiss me again.” She is grinning, and he does.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter and I think it's almost over. :)

Caleb cannot remember the last time he felt so happy. Kissing Jester was like breathing in fresh air on a warm spring day. He basks in it. 

She has read his journal and sill wants to be with him. He doesn’t know how he got so lucky, but he knows he will work every day to make sure she doesn’t regret it. He knows they have to actually talk, but he’s too content right now, holding her, kissing her, feeling her surround him, to linger on that thought right now. He is loosing himself in a wave of cool blue, and he would happily live here always. 

He hears someone clear their throat, and Jester jumps back. It takes Caleb a little while to come back to himself, but when he does, he sees Nott and Yeza standing there with a box full of chemist supplies. Jester is blushing furiously, it’s so endearing. Yeza is trying so hard to ignore everything and Nott is openly staring, eyebrow cocked and she has a pleased smile on her face. 

“Good Morning Caleb, Jessie.” Nott starts, “We can leave soon, we just needed to put our supplies away.”

“Good Morning Nott, I’m … I was… Just leaving.” She quickly gets to her feet and brushes her skirts back into place. “I told Caduceus I would help him this morning.”

Caleb uses her distraction to rise from the floor to sit at his desk, hopefully hiding his erection.

“Caleb?”

“Hmm?”

“See you later?” Jester stands there, unsure. 

He pulls her into his lap at his desk and kisses her again. She melts and he tells her, “Whenever you wish.”

That makes Jester smile. She gets up from his lap and waves at Nott and Yeza, “Bye! Have fun making things!” And she slips out o the library. He stares after her. 

“Looks like things are going well.” Nott comments, trying to smother her grin.

Caleb looks over and he blushes, “Umm… Ja.” He ducks his head and gets back to work on the charm. Nott laughs, but leaves him be. 

He works until he can no longer. The problem with this charm is it requires time to settle before he can continue. With nothing else to do, he picks up Jesters sketchbook. 

A wave of warmth spreads though him. He knows it’s significance, and he appreciates it more than he can really say. This is Jester, soul bared. This is the part of Jester she only shows her god. He hugs the book to his chest, arises from his desk, and departs the library for the privacy of his own room. 

It’s still midday. He lies on his bed, calling Frumpkin to him. Frumpkin curls up to him and the book, Caleb pets him, opens Jesters sketchbook and begins. 

If this was a journal, it would have been completed within hours. It’s not a journal though. There are sections with writing, but it is mostly illustrations. 

Caleb slowly makes his way though the sketchbook. He is continuously reminded of why he loves her. Her drawings are charming, just like her, full love the mischievousness that he absolutely adores. He can feel the loneliness in them, though. Her life with her mother was full of love, but very lonely. He sees the prank she pulled that got her thrown out of her home. It’s bittersweet, really. He can feel the nervous energy within the next few pages. It’s a mixture of fear of the unknown and excitement for a new adventure. He’s familiar with that feeling. It’s innocent, so he links it with his journey to Solstrice and the discovery of power, before…

He sees her meeting with Fjord and feels a small pang of jealousy at the tiny hearts around their half-orc friend. He’s also a little jealous at how idealized she drew him. It’s interesting to him to see how Jester saw Fjord. But then seeing the world in general though Jesters eyes is interesting. It’s so different than how he sees it. He continues on and sees her experience of meeting their group. Her first impressions, and well, his wasn’t necessarily the best, but her take on it is a fair one. 

Their first few adventures were surprisingly amusing though her gaze. They were filled with slapstick and they downplayed any danger. Then there was a gap… the time she was with the Iron Shepards. 

Caleb remembers the terror of waking without them near. He remembers his single-minded desire to run after them, to get to them, to get them back. Maybe he was already falling for her…

There is a heartbreaking page. It’s empty except for the words ‘Where were you, why didn’t you come?’

Caleb knows Jester forgave the Traveler, they still have their relationship, he wonders how he got her trust back. He looks at that page and sees small water stains and knows they are from her tears. 

He stares at the page for a long time. He has questioned the decision to go after them as full force as they did, thought it might have been better if they took some time to think. Looking at this page, he is glad there was no hesitation. He knew she came out of that experience changed, and is still dealing with the trauma. Their lives don’t help. 

This page is just so different from all the previous, it makes the skin rise on the back of his neck. 

He finally gets himself to close the book. He needs to take a break. He puts the sketchbook in a safe location and sleeps. 

He does this a few nights in a row until he is finished. He sees how Jesters drawings changes since the iron shepherds, sees her grieve for Molly, and sees how hard she is on herself. There is still humor in all of her drawings, whimsy, something specifically Jester, but the Iron Shepards are still there in small ways. He sees the battle in the happy fun ball, there is fear and abandonment as she faces the blue dragon. He sees heartbreak with Fjord, her infatuation with the bright queen, and her feelings for him. 

He openly laughs at her drawing of him, he looks completely normal and attractive in her picture. Maybe in her eyes, he is. The thought makes him smile. He hopes she sees him how she drew him. He hopes he can live up to what she wants and what she needs. He’s been trying to keep the voices in his head quiet. There is so much work that he has to do to even think deserving her, if he ever can. He promised though. He promised, and she came back to him. 

He carefully closes her sketchbook, gets up, and looks himself in the mirror. He tries to see himself as Jester sees him. Tries to see the person, instead of the monster. He knows what his face looks like, it’s mostly plain, in his opinion, he had a few nice features when he was younger, before…

He closes his eyes to stop looking at himself. All he sees is fire. He brings his hands up to his face to press and rub at his eyes making his vision turn to stars instead.

‘monster.’ He hears echo in his head. ‘monster.’ Over and over. 

He feels Frumpkin rub himself against his leg. He opens eyes and looks down at his familiar. Frumpkin looks up at him and meows. Caleb reaches down to pet him, and he flops down on his back, revealing his soft belly. Caleb bends and picks Frumpkin up, pressing him against his face, petting him and listening to his purr. He stands like that until the echo of ‘monster’ fades and returns his gaze to his reflection. 

He looks tired. He snuggles into Frumpkins fur and tries to find the person hidden in his eyes. He ends up shaking his head and releasing Frumpkin to check on his charm. 

It’s not been vey long, only a week and a half since Jester came back, only a week since he started work. So much has happened since he realizes his feelings, Even more has happened since their first real kiss. 

He adds a few ingredients and incantations to the charm and then lets it sit for a few more hours. He knows he should go to Jester and talk with her. There are things they both need to talk about. He hopes the charms would be complete in time for their conversation. He wants both of them to have the ability to walk away if they decide to. 

‘You want her to walk away’

“No, I want her to have the option,” he tells his inner voice. 

He hears it laugh, ‘you want her to prove to you that you are a monster. That you are not worthy and you want to be left alone because you deserve to be left alone.’

Calebs shoulders slump. He knows this routine. It’s old hat by now. Frumpkin meows at him before he can fall down that particular rabbit hole. He looks down at his familiar.

“Thank you” he bends and scratches Frumpkin under his chin. 

Avoidance isn’t the way to move forward. It’s gotten him this far though, but the stakes are much higher now. He has lost Jester once already, he doubts he can again. Ridding the world of his past friends and mentor will make the world safer, but he can’t do it alone, and they are probably already looking for her. Getting rid of the Cerberus Assembly is still on his lis. Dunamacny is still on his list, it’s powerful and can aid him in ridding the world of Ikition. The real question is his parents. Turning back time… changing history… well, that changes the present too. 

Caleb sighs. ‘Ungreatful child… monster…’ he pinches the bridge of his nose. 

He pulls out his wire and messages Jester. “Umm… hello Jester, I think we should talk tonight, after dinner, if… if that’s ok… you can reply to this message.”

He waits, “Ok Caleb, I’ll meet you in the library.” He smiles and heads out looking for a small distraction to keep the voices away. 

He finds Nott and helps her and Yeza with their latest crazy contraption. It’s enough.

Jester finds herself in the training room sparring. She needs something to distract her from Calebs somewhat cryptic message. 

It’s only half working. 

Jester and Beau face off, both sweating and breathless, she more so, but tries to give herself some credit. She’s not the monk in this equation. 

“Lets take a small break, Jessie, get some water.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” She grabs her cup from the side and gulps some down. 

Beau follows, “Your hand to hand is improving, you’re becoming a bad ass.” Beau smirks.

“I was always a bad ass, Beau”

“Well, more bad ass then.”

They both laugh and sit to catch their breath.

“Thanks, Beau, being inside is making be a bit stir crazy.”

“It’s only been, what… a week?”

“Yeah, I think knowing I am stuck inside and not allowed to leave just makes things worse.”

Beau leans closer to Jester and gives her a hug, “I know, Jessie. I know.”

Jester hugs Beau back.  
“I asked Caleb to finish mama’s first. She doesn’t like to leave, but, well, the group can go out together then, and mama will be safe when we do.”

“That makes a lot of sense.”

They sit side by side in silence.  
“Beau?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m scared.”

Beau looks at Jester, “why?”

Jester takes a deep breath, “Well, you know, a lot has happened. A lot has… changed.”

Beau is quiet, Jester thinks she is waiting for her to continue, but she doesn’t know how.

“Well, Jessie, that….” She takes a breath, “Everything has been changing and moving quickly since, well, since we all got together. I mean, before… well, before we all started, my days were all the same. I was bored and angry, and… looking for any escape possible. I wanted the knowledge the monks offered, but it was forced on me. So, I resented it, and refused to obey. Then I met you guys, and life changed. Dramatically. And it has been changing dramatically ever since. I mean, Jessie, we started in the Empire, went to Nicodronis, became pirates, found a pirate island, got kicked out, went back to Nicodronis, back to the Empire, then to Xhorhos, and now we have a house here, but we have still been moving. Mostly on foot. And it’s only been, a couple months!” Beau throws her hands up in the air with her last statement and drinks. 

Jester thinks about everything they have done, it has all been a lot, and fast. “So… it’s been a lot, quickly, for everyone?” Jester isn’t sure how to really ask the question. Up until she met her friends, her life was lived slowly, all within a few rooms. She thought, maybe this life she was living was how everyone lived. Well, not everyone, but… lots of people. 

Beau turns to look at her again. She feels Beau’s gaze and it makes her squirm a little. 

“The speed we have been moving isn’t normal. It’s mostly fun, but it’s also overwhelming, and sometimes… sad. I am sure it’s overwhelming for most of us.”

Jester turns to look at Beau… her face is uncharacteristically open and warmth fills Jester’s chest. She feels almost instantly better. She smiles at Beau and watches Beau’s shoulders relax. 

“Beau?” Jester adds a heavy amount of mischievousness to her voice. 

Beau smiles, “Yes Jessie?”

Jester launches herself at Beau, wrapping her arms around Beau and knocking her off balance. They both tumble to the floor laughing. Jester litters Beau’s face with small kisses and Beau laughs even more. They tumble and laugh until they are lying on the ground shoulder to shoulder. 

“Thanks Beau”

“Jester?”

“Hmm?”

“I am here for you, no matter what. You know that, right?”

“Of coarse I do Beau, I am too, if you, you know, ever want or need to talk.”

Beau takes Jesters hand, “I love you Jessie, th…thank you for… coming back. I..” Beau sighs, “I don’t know what I would have… done.. if.. you didn’t.”

Jester turns to look at Beau, who is resolutely staring at the ceiling. Jester turns to her side and cuddles up to Beau’s side. She rests her head on Beaus shoulder. 

“Beau, you were my first, bestest friend. I will never leave you if I can help it and if I do, I will always try to get back to you. You are my family, all of you are, and… And I love you too… So much. And I’m sorry that I, well, that I scared you. I’m sorry you felt abandoned I will… never…” She hugs Beau again. 

“I know Jessie.” Beau holds inter her and they soak each other up. “I think we should work on your aim… with that new whip…”

Jester pulls back and looks Beau in the face, wiggling her eyebrows. “Yeah you do!”

“Ugg!” Beau pushes her off, “Stop! I will not be able to look at Caleb in the eyes if you keep that up!”

Jester laughs and watches Beau get off of the ground. “So you don’t wanna play with me and my whip?” She stopped wiggling her eyebrows, but cannot stop her innuendo from coloring her voice. 

“I’d rather play with your mom” Beau says, then licks her lips. 

“BEAU!” Beau starts laughing and Jester gets to her feet. “If we’re sisters, that means she is your mom too!”

“Ohh, I’d call her mommy… maybe even daddy if she had a whip!”

“Beau!” Jester laughs and Beau darts away. Jester grabs her whip, “OK, I’m going to try to hit!”

“Ok” Beau yells, jumping and dodging, “No one’s going to hold still for you Jessie, try to hit me!” And Jester does. It takes multiple tries to even come close. She’s in the middle of another disastrous attempt when the door opens. 

“Jester? Beau? Dinner is ready.” Marion calls for the two women, stopping watching them, “What’s going on?”

Jester misses again, and pouts. “I got this really cool magic whip, and I am terrible using it!” Jester whines to her mama, “Beau is helping me by giving me a target.” She starts to coil it back up.

“Well… let me see.”

“Mama?”

“Go on” she gestures. 

Jester looks at Beau, who looks like a dream has just walked through the door. She smiles… her mama is a dream… she’s so cool. She tries to hit a stationary Beau. She misses. 

“Your form is off dear.”

Both women’s gaze sang to the Ruby.

“Mama? You know?”

“Well, maybe not that exact one, but, the general idea is the same.” She takes the whip from Jester and tests it. Jester tries to memorize her mothers movements and hears a loud crack as her mother waves the whip. “Yes, I am sure I could show you how.”

Jester jumps up and down excitedly. “I would like that very much!”

“We will start tomorrow, then. Now, it’s dinner time, wash up ladies, I will see you both in the kitchen.”

“Ok mama!” Jester says as the Ruby turns and leaves. 

Beau hasn’t moved or picked her jaw off the floor.

“Beau, you’re drooling.”

Beau shakes herself and Jester laughs. “I might not survive that training session, but what a way to go.”

“Mama is pretty great.”

“Yes, she is, Jessie.”

They both leave the training room to clean and then go to dinner. Jester finds herself feeling much better. The physical activity made her blood pump, made her feel alive, and the conversation made her feel seen and not alone.

They travel to dinner together. Jester sits next to her mama to talk about lessons tomorrow. Beau sits next to Yasha. Jester cannot hear what they are saying, but it looks to have caught Yashas undivided attention. 

Yeza, Nott, and Caleb all look a little singed, but no real damage. 

Fjord helped Caduceus cook. He’s been learning about the Wild Mother from Caduceus, and those lessons translated over into learning about plants and cooking. Fjord seems happy, Jester mentally makes a note to find time to check in with him. They haven’t gotten a chance to talk lately. She misses her friend. She hopes he has found what he is looking for, or is at least on the right path. 

Dinner is good. Jester makes sure to compliment Fjord and Caduceus. Fjord blushes at the compliment and it immediately makes her glad she did. 

It never ceases to amaze her that all of her amazing and talented friends get flustered at compliments. Jester wonders if they never had positive feedback as children. The thought makes her sad. She needs to talk to Caduceus. The both of them can come up with a plan to raise their companions self esteem. 

Jester makes sure to help clean up. She knows she is stalling. Her conversation with Caleb scares her. It can go wrong in so many ways. She has questions, and the answers scare her a little. 

The kitchen is clean. The house is quiet. She takes a breath and turns to leave and sees Caleb standing in the doorway. She is a little ashamed that she took so long, he had to come find her. She smiles at him and he returns it. No time like the present…


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the last chapter just in time for the holiday. Hope you have all enjoyed it. :)

“I… I was coming to see if you needed help… I waited… then remembered you were on kitchen duty.”

“Sorry.” He watches as she chews on her lips a little. It makes him smile fondly. 

“No need to apologize.”

“I was stalling.” She blurts. 

“Ohh.”

“Yeah”

They stand there for a little and Caleb motions to the table. “Less… my area?”

Jester smiles and sits down at the table, patting the seat next to her. Caleb sits, placing both books down in front of them. 

They sit in silence. Jester scoots closer to him, making contact with him. He gasps a little at the intimacy of it. 

“What now?” She asks.

“I don’t know.” He says honestly with a million things running through his brain. He knows they have to talk about it. He wishes he could ignore it. 

“I read your journal four times.” She says quietly.

Caleb flinches at the statement and knows that Jester feels it.

The silence falls between them and it feels like it is settling in to all the cracks in each of them. Neither can look at the other. 

“Caleb? Do you trust me?”

“With everything I am” and the statement it more honest they he intends. 

“Grab the books and follow me.” Jester gets up. Caleb follows closely. She waves him in. He looks at her curiously, but goes in, an amused smile on his face. 

“I think we should sit back to back, on the floor.” She says.

Caleb sits, facing the wall. His heart feels like it is trying to burst from his chest. He keeps repeating that he trusts her, and he does, but it feels cramped, almost like a cell. He’s ready to run until he feels her solidity of her upon his back. It clams him automatically. 

“I’m going to close the door now.” And the room goes dark. 

Caleb feels his heart rate spike and his back stiffen. 

“Caleb? Are you ok? Is it the dark? Would dancing lights help?” He hears something like fear in her voice.

He takes a deep breath and casts, two dancing lights appear. It’s dull light, but he relaxes almost immediately  
.   
“I’m sorry Caleb, I thought it would feel like a safe place, I thought it would be easier to talk if we didn’t have to look at each other, but… still felt each other.”

“The light helps” he leans against her, feeling her entire back against his, he focuses on matching his breath to hers. Jester remains quiet. “I’m sorry Jester. I… I.” He falters, breaths and closes his eyes. “I’m broken” he whispers into the small space. 

“So am I.” She says, and it’s true. “We all are, in some way.” That is also true. “I didn’t think Caleb. After reading your journal, I should have realized…”

“Jester, it’s ok. I… these are things I have to acknowledge and address. I… want to be better, I want… to be worthy and whole. I want to be what you deserve.”

“I think you already are.”

“But, I don’t”

They go silent again. 

Caleb sighs and starts. “I used to be so confident. An undeserved confidence that sometimes comes with youth. I wanted approval, I wanted to make people proud, I wanted to impress, and I wanted power. Part of me still wants them. But… but I made some really poor decisions…”

He feels Jester mold herself along his back and it is comforting.

Caleb thinks, where does he start? She has read his journal. “There is a lot in life I regret. There are a lot of ghosts that follow me, some I ignore… but others… others are like chains holding me to the past. Chains I refuse to break… How do you feel today, Jester?”

It’s quite for a second, almost like she wasn’t expecting the change in subject, or maybe she is thinking about everything and looking for her own honesty. 

“I am tired. I feel like we have been running all over the continent and beyond, and now I am trying to cross a rope bridge. I see where I want to go, I see the path, but every step is possibly the wrong one. I cannot solve the bridge by running. I have been trying to test it and walk… but… I am not good at being patient. How do you feel, Caleb?”

“Umm. I feel… like… my entire existence has been built upon rubble. I destroyed the foundation that was once there… and… and never put it back together, I just went ahead and built a tower on top of it. I feel like it is going to collapse with every step I take.”

Silence. 

“So we are kind of feel the same?” Jester asks. 

“I guess we do, in a way.” Caleb replies. 

“I really need you to know, I understand we are both dealing with things, and we are both scared of taking a step forward, but… I still want to try. I want to try to be an us.”

Caleb leans his head back on her shoulder, “I am not a good man…”

“You are to me.”

“I killed… I killed those closest to me.”

“Trent Ikithon killed those closest to you, and then tried to kill you.”

“No Jester, it was me.”

“No Caleb…I read the journal, I saw Bren be broken down and remolded, many times. I read how Trent experimented, tested, punished, pushed, and used you. Towards the end, you didn’t even know who you were most of the time.”

Caleb lets out a little broken sob and Jester turns and hugs him from behind. She tucks her face in his neck. He crumbles a little and she hugs him tighter, like she can put him back together. He sobs a little and she just holds him. They don’t speak, even after the sobs abate. They sit there, holding onto each other. 

“Can… you… forgive the things I have done, even when I cannot?”

“I already have”

“Jester.”

“What, Caleb? Can I forgive you for being manipulated by a man much older and more powerful than you? There is no question because there is nothing to forgive. You are innocent. But ok, lemme ask, are you planning on doing them again?”

“I don’t know what the future holds… there is alot…”

“Do you plan of locating Ikithon to become his pupil once more?”

“Never” Calebs voice is like steel. 

“Do you plan on rekindling your relationship with Astrid and Edowulf, either friendly or romantically?”

“No, That is far behind me” he squeezes Jesters hand to offer some reassurance.

“Do you plan on hunting down, torturing, and killing traitors of the empire?”

“I… I have a certain set of skills that… could…be useful, if needed… I do not plan on using them, I hate myself for knowing them, but I cannot say I will never… if needed.. if you needed…if the Nein needed… I would.” Honesty…. That was honest Caleb thinks. 

“You should place that hatred on Ikithon.” Jester says in a small voice.

“I have plenty to go around.”

“That’s not…”

“I know.”

“Do you plan on killing us?”

“I have already tried… that night in the sewer… the fireball…”

“That wasn’t…”

“and yet I deal with the guilt and the aftermath…”

Silence blankets them again. Caleb wishes he was able to see himself like Jester does. She has faith in him, she believes that he isn’t the monster he knows himself to be. She is…Jester… he wants to be the man she believes he is…

Jester takes a deep breath, “I never understood why mama never wanted to go outside. All I could ever see was the bright sun shining, the people laughing, and all the amazing things that were brought to her. I had books that gave me glimpses and I dreamed of adventure…” 

Caleb smiles, “I saw some of those dreams.”

“But they weren’t real. They were idealized fiction. The truth is it’s hard. It’s scary. Sometimes its dark and painful and I wish I had stayed home.”

Jester takes a deep breath, then another. 

“But even with the scary, dark times, life outside is better than I could have imagined. I have friends, who are amazing, and I have you. That is worth all the bad times, all the pain, and all the fear. I feel scared and broken and sometimes mourn the old Jester, but… but… then… this…” she sighs. “I wouldn’t change anything… not even the iron shephards, because without everything, I wouldn’t be who I am, and without Everything, I might not even be here…” 

Caleb can feel Jester flailing her arms, he turns. He can see her in the dim light so he faces her and puts his hand out. She follows suit and they just look at each other. 

“I think I understand” Caleb hears himself say, and the implications echo in his mind. His plans, they were written in the journal as well. He has been thinking about it for weeks. If he goes back… Jester… would he even meet her? Would she love that version of him? Would she even still be alive right now? Would Beau and Molly have gone without him and Nott? Would she be a slave? Could he let that happen to her? Can he let his parents remain betrayed by him? Who would he rather be? Bren Ermendrud or Caleb Widogast?

Jester touches his cheek and he leans into it, then he turns his head and kisses the inside of her wrist. 

“I don’t know what the future holds, but…” he reaches his hand out and touches her cheek. She leans into it. “I want my present to be you.”

“That’s all anyone can ask for.”

Caleb leans forward and leads her face to his. He kisses her. It’s hesitant, but quiets any and all doubts that may have lingered in his mind. It’s just a small press of lips across their folded legs, and it is perfect. 

Jester lets out a contented sigh, and kisses him more fully. She scrambles up to her knees bringing them closer. Still kissing him, then startles him and sit in his lap. Caleb grunts when she is fully seated. Jester wraps both of her arms around his neck and pushes her body flush against his. She tilts her head and opens her mouth to deepen the kiss. 

Caleb welcomes Jesters weight in his lap and her softer body pressed against his. This must be what heaven feels like. His hands go to Jesters ass to re-position her to obtain a small amount of friction and pressure against his already swelling cock. 

Jester moans and grinds her body down on his, it takes his breath away. He keeps one hand on Jesters bottom, and moves his other up to the small of her back, pulling her closer agains him. He releases her mouth and trails kisses along her jawline and down her neck. She extends her neck to give him better access. He bites down on her skin where her neck meets her shoulder. Jester gasps at the new feeling and cards her fingers though his hair, taking a handful and pulls him away from her neck. 

Caleb practically growls and pulls her closer. She descends upon his open mouth in another deep kiss. 

Calebs hands roam her back, her torso, her ass, her legs. He cannot stop touching her. He’s almost painfully aroused and wants to free himself, but pulls away from Jester, stopping her from following. They catch their breath. 

“Are we?” He asks. 

“yes”

“Do you want…”  
“To continue? More than anything right now.“

This makes Caleb laugh, which makes Jester laugh.

“Might I suggest a different location? I doubt Caduceus would like to find us in his pantry.”

“Who knows, it might be the highlight of his day.”

“Well, I am sure Beau would hate it.”

Jester whines a little and makes sure to wiggle on his lap, pulling a gasp from him, “That’s true, but, I’m comfy.” She grinds down on him again to make a point. 

“Schizer…” he curses and Jester giggles, then gets to her feet. “Your room?” She says as she leans against the door and stares at him like she wants to devour him. 

“gods yes.” He says as he springs to his feet and pushes into her, kissing her again, hand looking for the door handle as his other loops around her waist. 

Her arms wrap around him too, one around his neck, the other around his body to palm at his ass. She gives it a squeeze and he moans into her mouth. 

He finally finds the doorhandles and twists it. They fall into the kitchen, Jester catching them both and making sure they stay upright. They tumble over each other as they make their way thought the kitchen, through the hall, and through the library. Their hands roaming, their legs entangling, but they make it into his room. 

Caleb gets the door closed and backs Jester up against it. He has never wished to be a stronger man more than at this very second. He wants nothing more than to pick her up, against his door, and feel her legs wrap around him. 

Jester ducks from under him, giggling at his noise of protest. 

He turns to see her standing in the middle of his room, watching him. She is panting a little, her lips are swollen from their kissing, her hair is mussed, her clothes are rumpled, and there is a blush on her cheeks. She has never looked so beautiful as she does now. She looks like an angel. 

They stand there, soaking up each other. “Is everything ok, Jester?”

Suddenly Jester looks nervous. 

“We don’t have to do anything” Caleb tells her. 

“No, it’s not that. I … I want you, I just never have… before.” She looks away, a little embarrassed. 

Caleb goes to her and moves her face gently to look at him, “That’s ok liebling. We can stop if you…”

“I don’t want to stop, Caleb”

“We can go slow.”

Jester nods

“No, my dear, I need you to tell me, I will not be disappointed or upset, I want you to want, I cannot destroy… even if…”

“Slow is good.” She smiles at him and smoothes the worry from his brow.

“He kisses her, “I need you to tell me if it is too much, If I am doing something you are uncomfortable with, no matter what, Jester.”

“I will tell you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

He tilts her head up to kiss her again. The rush from earlier has abated and he runs his hands down her neck, over her shoulders, and down her arms. She shivers and he wraps his arms around her.

He leans to trail kisses along her neck and whisper in her ear, “would you like to remove your own clothing, or may I have that pleasure?” 

She blushes deeper, “I… I want you to” She whispers and nuzzles his neck. 

A wave of pleasure travels down his spine and pools in his groin. He takes her hand and kisses it. He leads her over to his bed and has her sit. He kneels before her, picks up one of her feet and starts unlacing her boot. 

“Everything ok?”

She smiles, and it is so fond his breath gets caught in his lungs. “Yes.”

He positions himself closer and kisses her calf as he removes her shoe, kisses her ankle as he puts the shoe down to the side. He repeats this with her other boot. He slides his hands lightly up her leg to retrieve the top of her stocking. Jesters breath hitches and he lets his fingers trail lightly and linger on the skin of her thighs. He slides his fingers under her stocking and rolls it down her leg, kissing her knee once revealed. He slides it off, folds it, and places it in her boot, repeating with her other stocking. 

Caleb looks up to Jester and she looks like she is about to pounce on him. He tilts his head and keeps eye contact with her as he gets to his feet and slides his own boots off, kicking them off somewhere in the room. He watches her as she squirms in place, grinding down a little on his bed. He closes his eyes as a wave of arousal trails though him, making his cock throb against his pants. He ignores it for now. 

He offers his hand down to Jester. She takes it and he pulls her up to her feet. He kisses her, fully, deeply, letting his hands roam from her back down to grip her backside. Jester keens into his grip. He releases her and trails his hands up to her corset strings. He deftly undoes them completely and backs up a little to see her as the corset is removed. His mouth waters a little as the constraining fabric is removed and he sees the outline of her body, unhindered. 

“Good?” He asks as he folds her corset and lies it neatly on his bedside table. 

“Yes” She says breathlessly, reaching for him. He obeys and kisses her again. He embraces her and she moans into him as her hands room his body. She fishes her hands under his shirt to roam his naked back and he arches into her touch. He allows himself a few moments enjoying her touches and kisses and then his hands go to the buckle around her waist. He quickly undoes it, folds it, and places it upon her corset. Then his hands go to untie the band holding her skirt up. He slips her skirt below her hips and sits her down on his bed to continue removing her skirt. It pools to the ground and he lifts it, folds it, and adds it to the pile. 

He sits next to her on his bed and guides her to sit on his lap, one knee on either side of him. She does so, and when Jester is seated, she grips the hem of his shirt and lifts it up, over his head. She tosses it somewhere and her hands are immediately back on his skin. They roam his skin, lingering at each scar. He brings her face down to his and kisses her again. 

He doubts he will ever tire of kissing her. 

His hands trail up her sides, and down her back, making her shiver. Her shift is bunched around her hips, her legs around him are bare. He puts his hands on her thighs and caresses up, under her shift to grasp her butt, pulling her closer.   
Jester makes a small contented noise against his mouth. His hands continue up her spine under her shirt and she moans into him. She presses into his hands and leans to kiss and bite her way across his neck and throat. One of her hands grabs a handful of his hair and pull his head back a little for better access, the other pinches one of his nipples. He gasps and then moans, arching his back to give her whatever access she wants. She sucks and bites at his neck and at his shoulder and grinds down on his lap making him buck up against her. He captures her mouth again, regaining some control. If she continues what she is doing, it’ll be over too soon. 

He grabs the edges of her shift and lifts up, revealing her body inch by inch. Jester raises her arms to aid the removal. She grabs it and tosses it aside and he buries his face in her breasts. She giggles at him, but her giggles soon turn to a moan as he puts his mouth over one of her nipples and sucks. She arches her back and he keeps her steady with one arm as his other hand goes to her other breast and kneads the flesh. He pinches and rolls her nipple between his fingers and Jester grinds down on his lap sending sparks of pleasure thought him. 

He moans and maneuvers them so she is lying on her back on his bed. He is above her, kissing her. He supports himself on one arm and continues kneading her breast and playing with her nipples with his other hand. They are both breathless when he pulls away to check with her, “Is everything still…?”

“No Caleb.”

Caleb immediately freezes and starts to back away. Jester clutches for him. 

“No, no, keep doing all of it… I mean, it’s not… you still have your pants on!”

Caleb dives back down smile on his lips while he kisses her, then straightens to scramble out of his pants. He has been ignoring the ache form his groin since the pantry. He groans as he releases himself from his pants. His cock bobs in the air as he frees his legs from his pants, then it rests on his torso when he stops to look at Jester. She is flushed and breathing quickly. She is naked, except for the small clothes covering her cunt. Her breasts are free, rising and falling with her breath. He watches her as she licks her lips as her eyes trail over him, over his cock, and he feels it twitch in response. 

“Do you still want…?” He motions to the both of them. 

He watches as Jester presses her legs together and brings one of her hands up to pinch at her nipple, back arching. His mouth goes dry and she moans, “Yes”

Caleb is back down kissing her in an instant. She giggles and he smiles into her. He kisses her face and trails kisses down her neck, down her collarbone, across her chest, sucking each nipple. She is clutching at him and writhes into him as he nips and nuzzles each breast, his hands trailing down her sides and hips, leaving goose bumps in their wake. 

When he gets to her thighs, he separates her legs and leans back on his knees so there is room. He grins when he notices she has soaked though her small clothes. 

“Ohh Jester.” He says and kisses her deeply on the mouth. She arches to meet him and his hand goes between her thighs and presses her small clothes into her wetness. 

“CALEB!” She yells. 

Caleb withdraws, giving her space and looks at her. 

She whimpers at his loss, “Put it back, gods Caleb, put your hands back on me!”

‘Good scream’ Caleb thinks and does as he is told.   
He kisses her like that, adding pressure to her clit until she is squirming and asking for more. He removes his hand and kisses her to stop her protests. 

“Patience Liebling.”

She tries to pout, but it’s quickly gone as he settles, kneeling between her legs. He takes the waistband of her smallclothes and pulls them down across her hips, kissing the path they lead, down her thighs, her calves, her ankles, and off. Her knees closed again in the process. He gently opens them. She is glistening, so wet she is dripping down herself. He nuzzles her thigh as he puts one of her legs on his shoulder and looks up at her awaiting confirmation. 

She looks at him, “Don’t stop now, or I am going to have to reth—-“

Caleb’s mouth descends on her, seeking out her clit. She stuffs one fist into her mouth to stop from screaming as Caleb finds what he is looking for. He flicks his tongue over her and then sucks and Jester arches off the bed. He buries his face into her pussy than backs off and flicks his tongue over her clit lightly. One of his arms is holding onto the leg that is on his shoulder. The other finds her entrance. 

She is already so wet, he could push one finger right in, but he decides to play, to tease. His index finger traces her entrance and Jester bucks up, looking for more. He backs off of her clit so she can come down a little and joins his finger down at her entrance. He thrusts his tongue into her as far as he can then flicks it in and out as his finger is still tracing along. 

The noises she is making are starting to get louder again, so he backs off, leaning back to watch her, keeping his finger gently edging her entrance. Right when Jester is about to complain about the loss, he thrusts his finger in and watches her arch off the bed and clamp down on him. Feeling the constriction makes his cock ache and leak a little precum. He grinds himself against the bed to find a little relief, not wanting to stop. 

Filthy curses are falling from Jesters lips as he adds a second finger, slowly stretching her. He has to hold her still now. His mouth seals around her clit, sucking, as he adds a third finger and bends his fingers to hit that spot that will make her see heaven. 

A few more seconds of his relentless pace and she is cuming with a scream. He doesn’t let up, making sure she gets all he can give and she cums a second time. He fingers her through the aftershocks and doesn’t pull back until she is lying boneless. 

He looks at her. Her eyes are lidded, sweat all over. There is a satiated smile on her face. Her chest is heaving, still trying to get air. She is soaked and still dripping. His sheets are a mess. He wipes his face and chin, and smiles to himself. 

He starts to move away to retrieve his prestidigitation wand, and she sees him, still hard. 

“Wait Caleb.”

“Hmm?”

“It’s….over?”

He smiles at her, “You came twice.”

“but you didn’t. 

He walks back to the bed, and says in a quiet voice, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“you won’t”

“I…”

“Caleb, if you don’t fuck me right now… I’ll…” 

He watches as she tries to make her brain come up with some sort of revenge, and he smiles. He leans in and kisses her. “Your wish is my command.”

She kisses him back and pulls him on top of her. 

“Wait.” He says and scrambles to his bedside drawer. He pulls out a potion and drinks it, “Don’t want any tiny Lavorre-Widogasts running around… yet.”

“Not yet” Jester agrees, then grabs him again. 

He settles himself back between her legs, positioning them bent on the bed. He lowers himself and lines himself up. 

“You’re sure?”

“Absolutely.” She says and uses her legs to pull him closer. He cups her face and kisses her as he slowly sinks into her heat. She gasps and they both moan when he is fully seated inside. He stays still until she is used to him and rocks her pelvis against his. 

He starts pulling himself out and thrusting back in slowly. It is delicious, and he fears he will not last very long. They find a slow rhythm, rocking. Both of them are moaning at the pleasure. Their rhythm picks up as do their groans and soon he is slamming into her, moaning her name. 

Jester reaches down between them and starts rubbing on her sensitive clit in time with his thrusts. He picks up one of Jesters legs and puts it back on his shoulder, changing the angle and she yelps when he hits home. He speeds up… He is so close now. 

“Jester… I’m…”

“Yeah… same..”

A few more thrusts and her inner walls are clamping down around him, pulling his orgasm from him. They scream in unison and he rides out is aftershocks, seeing white sparks along his vision. He collapses on her and feels himself soften inside her, her inner walls still undulating around him, causing him little sparks of pleasure. 

He pulls himself from her, spent and they catch their breath side by side. He gathers his wand and waves it across them, cleaning themselves up. He puts it back down beside the bed and cuddles around Jester.

“That… was… better than my books ever described.” Jester says, hugging his arms to her. “we need to do that more often.”

Caleb kisses her shoulder, “Ja… the best.” He kisses her again and snuggles into her, pulling her closer. 

Soon, they both are asleep in each others arms. 

  
Jester likes sex. She really likes sex. Theoretically, she knew she would. She likes all of her romance books, especially the sexy parts, but she underestimated how much she would like it. Especially with Caleb. She loves sex with Caleb. 

She lies there thinking of all the things she wants to do with him, wrapped in his sleeping arms. She feels the rise and fall of his chest and when she snuggles deeper into his embrace, she feels him hard and ready, 

She wants to play… but he’s sleeping. He was so good last night, continuously checking in with her, making sure she was having fun. She is not going to touch him now without him telling her it is ok. 

She turns in his arms to see his face. 

He looks younger while sleeping. The worry is gone, the trauma is gone. She brushes her hands though his hair, brushing his hair out of his face. He stirs and leans into her touch. It makes her smile. 

His eyes flutter open, recognizing her in an instant and smiling. 

“Good Morning Caleb” She says as she finishes brushing his hair away from his face. Her smile widens when she feels his arms tighten around her.

“Uhh, ja… gut morning.” He smiles at her and it makes her heart skip a beat. This smile is so genuine. 

Jester scoots closer and kisses him on the nose. Calebs hand goes to rest on her cheek and he hisses her. 

They start wrapping themselves around each other and Jester hears Caleb gasp. It takes her a second to realize, she was nudging her pelvis up to his, rubbing against his erection. She giggles and looks at him from under her lashes, 

“Caleb? Can I?” She motions down to his erection, “I didn’t get to last night.” She enjoys his blush. 

Caleb starts to nod, but stops. She pouts, “One minuet, I …. It’s time… the charm needs… some quick enchantment work… or it’ll sour.” She watches as he climbs from the bed and shimmies back into his pants, being extra careful tucking himself into them. He is at the door when he turns and goes to her. He strokes her face and kisses her, “I’ll be right back.” And he turns and leaves, opening the door a crack to check and make sure the library is empty before heading in all the way. 

Jester flops back down on his bed and stretches. She recollects the activities of the night before and finds herself more turned on. She is struck with a delicious idea and repositioned herself on the bed. 

She makes sure she is at a good viewing angle from the door, completely visible and puts a pillow behind her back to make sure her back is arched nicely and her boobs are sticking straight up. She smooths her hair down. She doesn’t know how long Caleb will be, so she decides to start slow, so hopefully he walks in on a surprise show. 

She caresses her body. She starts at her neck and caresses down to her hips avoiding her breasts for now. She relives the night before, licking her lips at the naked vision of Caleb in her mind. She moves her hands to her breasts now, playing with her quickly hardening nipples, imagining the things she is going to do with him when he returns. A quiet moan leaves her and she pinches herself a little harder, twisting her nipple just so. 

She hears some movement form the library and the thought of him coming in sends a bold of pleasure through her body and she moans a little louder. She doesn’t bother trying to stifle it, she wants him in here, with her. 

She trails a hand away from her chest, down her stomach, and slips a finger between her folds. Her eyes flutter closed at the sensation and she lets her legs splay, allowing herself room. She is already so wet, her fingers make little squelching noises as she moves them against herself. She trails her finger to her clit, making small circles around it. 

The door opens and Caleb gasps. Jester smiles and makes eye contact with him, not stopping either hand. Caleb looks beyond aroused. He stands frozen in the doorway, one hand still on the door. His eyes are wide, pupils blown. His mouth is hanging open and his breathing has quickened. His entire body is flushed and his erection is straining full force against the confines of his pants. 

Another wave of pleasure courses thought her, making her back arch and a deep moan slip form her. She watches as a full body shiver makes its way though Caleb. 

He is still frozen at the door. 

Jester dips her finger lower and thrusts into herself, moaning, “Caleb” and that snaps him out of it. The door slams behind him as he crosses the room in two steps, He hovers at the foot of the bed. 

Jester adds a finger, thrusting at the spot she wants and bites her bottom lip to stifle herself, making sure to watch him. He leans in, unable to stop himself. She spreads her legs further apart and sits up a little, caressing her other hand down to tease at her clit. She watches Caleb lick his lips and clamps down on her fingers. Her head falls back moaning his name and she feel the bed dip with his weight. 

She opens her eyes and sees him on all fours over her. His gaze is hungry and she swallows. He takes one of her hands away from her cunt, the one she was using to fuck herself with, and puts her fingers into his mouth. He moans around them as he sucks and licks them clean. 

She moans with him. He takes her hand out of his mouth, pins it at her side, and repeats it with her other hand. 

She feels like she is going to explode and whines as he removes her fingers. She thrusts her hips upward, chasing her own hand, but is met with nothing. She feels Caleb smile around her fingers and drops her hips back to the bed, still writhing. 

He pins her other hand to her other side when her fingers are clean. She whines again and tries to gain some touch, but can’t. She could always break free from his grasp, but she wants to see what comes next. She doesn’t want to ruin this new game. She looks at him and he is staring at her. 

“Beautiful” he says as he lowers his head between her thighs. He blows a breath across her wetness making her shiver. He looks up into her eyes, “Beautiful” he says again. He licks a path up though her cunt and she almost screams. 

Caleb releases her arms and uses his own to wrap around her, pulling her closer, pulling himself deeper. He moans into her cunt like he is a starving man who came across a feast. Her hands fly to him, one clutching any part of him she can, the other going to tangle in his hair. She lightly scratches his scalp and he practically purrs between her legs. 

It takes almost no time for Caleb to make her see stars. She thinks she might have even passed out from pleasure for a second. She looks back down as Caleb sits up. He is still watching her closely. He is covered in her orgasm, She is dripping off his chin. She watches as he licks her essence from his lips, then gathers the rest in his fingers and sucks his own fingers clean. She clenches in another wave of arousal as she watches him devour all evidence of her orgasm. 

She catches her breath, then sits and grabs him, brining him in and kissing him. She tastes herself on him and moans into him. He happily returns the kiss. 

She maneuvers herself around him and pushes him down on the bed. He sighs into her mouth when his back meets the bed and she pulls away. Caleb tries to follow her lips with his own, but she gently pushes him back. 

She grins, “My turn” and kisses his jawline, kisses his neck, and nips at his shoulder. She makes sure to clean her essence off of him when she comes across it, and soon Caleb is making quiet noises she has never heard him make before. She loves it. 

She makes her way down his chest, kissing, licking and biting. She kisses his scarred flesh and caresses it until he is writhing under her. She stops at his nipples and sucks on them. He lets out a small shout and she does it again before continuing her journey. 

She gets to his waistband and looks up at him. He is watching her, eyes blown, body flushed. She dips her fingers below his waistband, “May I?”

“Ja.. ja…ja, Yes…yes…. Please, Jester” He replies and it makes her smile. 

She nods at him and looks down. She can see the entire outline of his cock. He is so hard, and there is a wet spot on his pants. She looks up at him and nuzzles at his cock, watching him arch off the bed and groan. 

She giggles and he looks down at her with hooded eyes. He cups her face, she leans into his touch and starts working his pants off. She unfastens them, and slowly pulls them down his hips. She kisses the revealed skin, kisses his hip bones, kisses his thighs. She glances up at Caleb and sees him clutching at the sheets below him. She pulls his pants from him and discards them on the floor. She kisses his calves and works herself back up. 

She nuzzles her face in to his naked dick as she lightly trails her fingertips up his inner thighs and across his balls. The then nuzzles into his thigh, kissing it, and lightly trails her fingertips over his cock, playing with different types of touches and different amounts of pressure. She traces over the head, gathering the precum in her fingers, then lightly runs her nails down the shaft and cups his testicles. Caleb is writing on the bed, biting his lip to keep himself from making noise. She will have to talk to him about that, she wants to hear every noise she can get from him. 

“Oil?” She asks. 

Caleb just points, then whines when she gets up and stops touching him. 

She quickly gets it and then settles back in-between his legs. Her fingers trail along his inner thighs making him shudder and she coats her hand in oil and grips the base, stroking slowly up toward the head. This makes Caleb buck into her hand, back arching, curses in Zemnian flying from his mouth. 

Jester smiles to herself, and changes her rhythm and the pressure, and when it looks like Caleb is about to loose it, she backs off to play with his balls or touch his legs. The third time she does this, Caleb looses his mind.

“Je…Jess….Jester… Please…. I …. Neeeeeeddddd…….”

Jester looks at him and he is so pretty. He is all shades of red, needy and begging. She nods and puts her attention back to his cock. She takes him in her hand and strokes upward. His cock is so shiny now, she wonders what it tastes like. As she strokes downward she takes the head of his cock into her mouth and sucks. 

Caleb arches off the bed, mouth open in a silent scream. She keeps sucking, moaning around him, sending vibrations up his cock, and keeps stroking. 

“I’mm…… going…. tooo….” Caleb tries to push her head away, but she nods and releases him from her mouth and tightens her grip, flicking her wrist. She feels when he starts and she aims him to shoot on her. Caleb groans at the sight and she feels his cock twitch in her hands. She strokes him thought his orgasm. 

Caleb collapses, boneless on his bed, breathing hard. Jester climbs up next to him. His cum is drying on her breasts. She cannot help playing with it a little and Caleb watches her as she drags her finger though it and puts it in her mouth to suck it clean. ‘It’s not terrible’ she thinks. Caleb moans at the sight. 

He uses his left over strength to pull her towards him. He puts his head to her breasts and starts to clean them of his cum. Jester feels a spike of arousal and keens into his touch. He licks and he sucks and when he is satisfied, he lays his head down on her breasts and closes his eyes. 

Jester strokes Calebs head, fingers tangling thought his hair and feels herself drift off as well. 

They wake once again in each others arms. Jester cuddles closer to Caleb, and Caleb kisses her head. 

“it’s almost lunch.” Caleb tells her and she laughs. 

“Good, I’m starving.”

Caleb laughs as well. He gets untangled from her and retrieves his wand to clean them both up. “We should dress and meet the others.”

Jester pouts, “Or, I can create food and water and we can stay here…”

“Liebchen,” he says and is smiling at her, “Oh, I would love to spend the day naked with you, but…” He gestures to the door and as if on cue, someone knocks. 

A mild panic runs though them both, 

“Uhh, who is it?” Caleb calls, grabbing his pants and scrambling into them.

Jester retrieves her shift and starts dressing as well. 

“Caleb,… it’s Nott”

Caleb pulls on a shirt and opens the door a crack, getting in Notts line of sight so she doesn’t see Jester.

“Hello Nott,”

Nott smiles up at him and parts his hand, “I have a message for Jester”

Jester laughs and gets to the door before Caleb can say anything, 

“Yes, Nott”

“the Ruby wanted to remind you about your lesson today.” Nott is smiling ear to ear. 

“Ohh yes! Mama was going to teach me how to use the whip!” Jester jumps up and down

Caleb is still standing there, “Uhh… the Ruby… knows… Jester is… here?!” Jester can see the panic start to rise. 

“Caleb, everyone knows Jester is here, you weren’t exactly quiet, our neighbors probably know.”

“Oops…. That was probably my fault…” Jester says and looks over to Caleb who is bright red. 

“Yeza and I slept in the war room…” Nott continues and Caleb covers his face with his hands. 

“Sorry Nott, I will try to be quieter next time, it’s just… well, he is really good!” Jester says, still trying to put herself together and hoping she isn’t blushing nearly as much as Caleb is.

Caleb tries to hide himself and Nott sticks her fingers in her ears making loud noises as she turns and leaves. 

Jester laughs and closes the door. She looks at Caleb as she goes to finish dressing, “Want to rethink getting dressed and leaving the room?” She teases him

He looks at her, “ja” and Jester laughs. 

“too bad, I have to go see mama about my whip!” She says lacing her boots. “There is always tonight” she reminds him. 

He walks over to her and kneels on the floor so he is eye level, “I love you Jester Lavorre” he says and kisses her. 

Jester laughs when they part, “i love you too Caleb Widogast, our friends are waiting, hurry up!” And he does

The rest of the day is filled with knowing glances, awkward conversations, some light threats to the both go them, and a few mentions of soundproofing in the future. Marion teaches Jester how to use her new weapon, and Beau and Fjord threaten Caleb with death if he hurst Jester. Nott has the same talk with Jester about hurting Caleb. Caduceus doesn’t understand, he thought they were already together and by the end of the day, they are all family again. When it is time to sleep, Jester follows Caleb to his room, and, after some time, moves in. 

-The End-


End file.
